When Did That Become Optional?

I'm looking forward tomorrow with a mix of motivation and trepidation. It'll be day two of fasting for this week. I am motivated because Monday really wasn't that bad and it was a challenge that I was able to beat. I am anxious because... I don't know. I really have no valid reason to be nervous.

I guess this is proof of our innate ability to be our own worst enemy. I know I can survive and feel good through tomorrow's fasting, so why be nervous?

Just typing that little bit was very therapeutic for me.

Here's my rant for the week. Okay, maybe just today. And, it really isn't a rant, more of an observation of great annoyance.

In the two hundred to three hundred miles of driving I do in an average week to and from work, the gym, the store, and outings on the weekend I am noticing more and more people who don't seem to have turn signals on their cars. I mean, I'm sure if they had them they'd use them, right? Right?!

Just a gentle reminder to the world at large:

It is not rocket science. 

You want to turn a direction other than the one in which the road you are on is traveling? You effing indicate!

Changing lanes? Pretty much a fantastic idea for you to signal.

You are turning left in the left turn only lane, YOU STILL USE YOUR SIGNAL!

You're turning out of a parking lot? YOU STILL NEED TO INDICATE! 

This is a pretty basic rule of the driving world... It is so strongly ingrained in me that I apologize to whomever is listening (even if I am alone in the car) if I forget to signal. Hell, I even signal when it is unnecessary some times. Mainly, if I am going around a 90° corner (common in the surrounding farm areas).

You may be wondering why it is such a reflex for me, well, when I was younger I was pulled over for failure to signal... The cop didn't care that I turned off without signaling because I was a little shaken by the ass hat that almost side swiped me.... Neither here nor there.

Friday I will give you the highlights of tomorrow's fasting and how it feels after my workout (tomorrow is my gym night, Monday was Collin's).

Now to play some Need for Speed (much cheaper than a ticket).

This Will Either Be a Glorious Experience or a Horrific Experiment

As I have shared for a few months now, I have been stuck on the scale. Seeing only the slightest improvements by eating regularly (I think I discussed how we had virtually stopped eating at work and then would over eat in the evenings; if I didn't well there's the cliff notes version of it).

I physically feel myself becoming slimmer and have eye witness commentary (because they are always reliable), but the scale's mind is slow to change. A pound this month, a few ounces here, nothing as substantial as the effort I feel I am putting in. Which is a recipe for a disastrous back slide.

I have a co-worker who has been steadily slimming down. She is already slender but with her petite frame and being towards middle age noticed she was developing a bit of a tummy. She is big into natural and organics and energy and so on. She started doing intermittent fasting; commonly this is called the 5:2 diet, but as you know, I LOATHE the word diet. I am going to refer to it as the 5:2 method or IF (intermittent fasting) method.

She has been singing its praise for months. I kind of shrugged it off the way I do when people start going on about what sounds like a fad diet. Then another gal in the office decided she wants to try it so lady A brought the book for this methodology in for lady B. Since it was floating around I asked if I could borrow the book. I wanted to give this thing a read.

I did. I read the whole thing in less than a week. I may be gullible, but I am sold. The science behind the method is fairly sound (though I can guarantee there is something out there that will argue against it) and the various trials really peeked my interest. Further more the lab results on participants blood work and the improvements on their body compositions is astounding.

Being a nerd, the biological and chemical side of this whole practice has me bouncing off the walls.

I am just going to give you the bare bones premise of the methodology and if you find it as interesting as I did you can check out their website and book here: The Fast Diet.

The idea is that for five of the seven days of the week, you eat a normal, balanced diet; with the occasional treats and so on. The remaining two days of the week you only consume 25% of your "feed" day calories. So, as a woman you'd eat around 2,000 calories a day, five days a week and then only consume ~500 calories  two days a week. Everyone's opinion on the when to consume the calories is different, but the common thread is to basically fast. If you need a definition of what it is to fast check out the wiki page here: Fasting.

Many religions fast in one form or another for various reasons. Again, for the in depth check out the site and so on. The main difference I find with this compared to all the various fad diet babble I have heard is that it is completely flexible and sustainable.

All this I could go on and on about, but it's not for me to convince any one else to try this crazy thing. It's for you. As I experience this super fun method I will share my results and notes. That is one thing they strongly suggest is taking little notes, ESPECIALLY on the fasting days. That is just what I did, today, my first official fasting day. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach this; I was prepared to need to have a light snack (granny smith apple) if I absolutely needed it. But I didn't and it felt GREAT.

The following are the notes I jotted down throughout the day:

9:30A - I feel hungry and "shaky" but I think it's a mental thing. More water and tea.

10:15A - Feel surprisingly focused and alert. No hunger pangs. Just made some herbal tea (passion and orange) to cool and pour over ice once black tea is gone.

11:45A - Lunch hour is upon us and I feel a little intimidated. Looking forward to our walk in 30 minutes.

12:47P - Lunch walk = great. C struggling with the hungries. Asked if he was writing anything down when it was overpowering, he said no. Wished he'd known how it helped earlier. He had an apple. Told him that's fine. He gets 100 calories more a day than me anyways. Zen tea brewed and cooling.

1:15P - Realize going to Pinterest is/would be a bad idea on FD (fast day). Luckily before going to it!
Small victory

2:05P - Struggling, not sure with what. Just feeling my mind screaming for all sorts. Not emotional... I think. I can make it. 3 hours +/- until a delicious dinner. Just need to finish work! IPO here I come.

3:55P - I DID IT!!

Then we came home, bathed the gremlin and had a deliciously wonderful dinner. I made a light soup with the leftover pad thai veggies from last night. Edamame, broccoli, zucchini, red bell peppers and tofu in chicken broth (seasoned by the leftover sauce from last night and some ginger). It was soooo good.

Now the real struggle: to make it to bed without snacking. I can do this...

Our plan is to fast Mondays and Thursdays (they also are the most common days). Once we reach our goals we will switch to a 6:1 method. Obviously, when we get preggo this will be 100% on hold. It is not healthy to repeatedly fast while trying to grow a human.

As I start to see results (or lack there of) I will be sure to share with you. I will also share my notes as we go from most of the fast days unless it's super boring such as repeatedly writing pickle... Ha!

I will not be giving up my Thursday gym night, plenty of people fast and are still active. We each have one gym night affected by the fasting so it is balanced. We'll see how this goes.

As always, you are welcome to leave your thoughts below. Am I crazy? Have you ever tried something similar? What ever you want.

Now for some tea and anime. *smiles*

Why Have I Waited So Long

It just dawned on me that it has only been in the last year or so that I have been fully open with people about how Collin and I met. I don't know why; I really can't think of a valid reason. There's multiple invalid reasons that mainly revolve around other people's opinions and at this point those really have no bearing... They never really did, I guess.

Our meeting was unconventional at the time and in many ways still is. The summer we met was a weird one for me with a lot of change and growth and turmoil and drama (for lack of a better word). It was dramatic for Collin too but that is not my story to tell. He started the summer dating someone that was not me, but that ended in the weeks prior to our story's inception.

The summer of 2004 I pushed away a person I thought was a best friend and was trying to help a loved one at the same time; one situation was the catalyst for the other, but I am past the point of blaming, bitching and complaining. If not for the extreme events that summer I can't say we would have met when we did. I have no doubt we would have met regardless, but the when may have changed.

It was mid-August, I was looking for someone. I was nineteen and felt like I had to find someone to be dating. I was an adult. I talked to a couple people and went on a date here and there. All of them I met online. And all of them I killed.... Okay, no, that's not true but it made it sound as creepy as everyone made online dating seem.

One night, I found myself in an Oregon chat room on Yahoo (my rooms of choice) and I was talking with all the other Oregonians about this, that and the other thing. When some dude with the most "creative" screen name started to chat me up. It started with some random comment in response to something one of us said (still not 100% sure if he initiated the private message or me) and little did we know it would blossom into more than a decade of weird and adorable banter between two identically twisted souls.

We spent the next few hours messaging back and forth about everything. We exchanged pictures and the old A/L (we kind of knew the S part from the get go) and eventually started up our web cams. It was completely G rated and in hindsight the webcam thing was kind of funny; we would watch one another type.... Woohoo!

The next day I worked for a few hours and as soon as I got home we met up on messenger and spent some time chatting. After a bit we decided we should talk on the phone. We then spent the next few hours on the phone until he had to leave for work. I'll never forget that night because it was the first time I heard a voice that I can now not imagine a day without. Also, there was a minor earthquake that night and I remember calling him right after it happened (it was minutes after we had hung up). Nothing was damaged and I was not hurt, but I still had that urge to call him.

At the time he was a security officer in Salem and working graveyard shift alone. After he got to work and relieved the previous dude for the night he called and we spent the next four to six hours talking about everything and nothing. Music and cars and our lives and our families. All in all, just that evening and night we spent over ten hours on the phone together. Yea, this was back before unlimited calling... I don't think about what it did to my cell phone bill...

Amidst all this conversing we decided we wanted to meet face to face for realsies. It was terrifying for me since I already felt this intense connection to a person I had never physically met. I worked the next day but he was off that night so he agreed to come to Lincoln City.

He almost didn't make it because his dad took him out for a drink to chat him up about moving on from his last girlfriend (it was pretty serious) and Collin told him that he was coming to meet me. With the faintest of buzzes (ah, we were young and stupid, but he was definitely below the legal limit) he made his way to my apartment. We were going to meet at my work, but he was running late because of the aforementioned beverage.

I was in my room, halfway out the window while I smoked a cigarette (young and stupid, young and stupid....) when I saw him walk through the parking lot to my place... I still swear my heart skipped a beat. We spent the first few moments basking in the reality of one another's presence and then... Yea, I'm not writing a romance novel here. Let's just say we spent the evening "talking" and enjoying each other's "company"...

The next day I had to work. I already knew for me that this was game over. I was lost. I was inexplicably and irrevocably in love with this person I had only known existed for three or four days. What the hell...

Back to the story; I got ready for work, Collin decided to call off for his scheduled shift that night so we could spend more time together and then he offered to take me to work. As we made our way to his car (which was actually his grandma's while his was in the shop) my mother happened to walk by and said, "Hi, Alicia........... Hi, Alicia's friend....." I just waved hi and kept walking.... To his surprise and my own we found the car was gone. I asked where he had parked it and he pointed to an area in front of some other units.... They were really strict about not parking in front of other apartments.... My stomach filled with dread as we walked to the manager's office. Luckily I was friends with the manager. I asked if she knew where the car was and she regrettably told me that it had been towed.... Well shit...

Collin called his parents and let them know what had happened and they said they would come pick up the car the next day, but he needed to get his ass home that night. He called a couple friends and some of them agreed to come down and get him later. He hung out around the mall while I worked and even bought me lunch. Afterwards we walked to the bank so I could make my nightly deposit for the salon and then walked back home. We shared a few more hours together before his friends arrived to take him back to the Tron.

When we parted ways it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. Very cliche I know, but it is an accurate description of the physical pain I felt by the absence of his presence. We held on as long as we could and then they had to leave. He promised to call once he got home and we swore we would find a way to get together again soon.

I was exhausted after minimal sleep over the last four days since our first private message. I promptly passed out while waiting for his call.... I never heard the phone ring and was a little saddened when I woke up  the next morning. Turns out he had called, but my sister had taken my phone from my room.... Yea... Anyways,

After work that day we were online chatting more and we had the biggest, most impacting conversation of my life at the time (and I'd like to think his as well). I will never forget how sheepish we both were about the whole thing. Our wedding date has more significance than many know, and is just further proof of how cheesy we really are. Anyways, on August 21, 2004, after both of us trying to feel out the other person's intentions, we professed our budding love for one another. It was fast, really fast, which is why I am not one to really talk about the speed of other people's relationships (unless the timeline was shorter than ours, then they're nuts, fucking nuts. Hahaha)

We were married a year later, to the day. In just over two weeks we will be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary. I can count the number of "fights" we have had on one hand, and I'm sorry but I do not agree with the school of thinking that claims this is unhealthy for a relationship. Even the fights we have had would not be classified as such by others. It's just not how we deal with our issues. We talk about everything. Other than gifts and similar type surprises, we have no secrets. Period. We will keep yours, so don't worry, but please don't expect us to keep them from eachother. If you've told me, he knows; if you told him, I know. Plain and simple.

The only mystery left in our marriage? We don't shit in front of each other. Hell, we rarely even take a piss in front of each other...

So think about this: we openly communicate with each other, we keep zero secrets and we give each other private time when they need to use the bathroom... Also we don't do each other's laundry beyond maybe throwing a missed article in the wash with our own or moving clothes to the dryer. Otherwise he washes his and I wash mine. We share responsibility for household laundry.

I think these points are our "secrets" to a happy marriage, but alas, this is just my opinion and what has worked for us. As gross as this may sound, we still hate to be apart for more than a few hours. We are completely content to do our own thing and we do (such as me typing these thoughts out or him studying nerd stuff), but we enjoy being together even while doing separate things.

Our relationship is heading into its twelfth year; our marriage, its eleventh year and I can't imagine having spent the last decade plus any other way. I can't even begin to fathom the adventures in store for us from here as we grow and our family grows (yes, we hope to try for an addition sometime next year or the following).

To Collin, who I know has read every single word and probably even had his share of flashbacks to the big bang (try not to laugh, I can hear you in my head) that started the universe of our love, I love you more, always and forever. Thank you for being the perfect match for me in every way imaginable. Thank you for putting up with my crazy, my insecurities, and my overactive imagination. I can't imagine a life without you; past, present or future. As creepy as it is sometimes, you are in my head and completely in tune with me. I will never, ever, ever be able to fully express the endless fathoms of my love for you. I can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve for our anniversary (he has been planning this event for over two years).

There it is. It's all laid bare before your eyes. Judge me if you want, but that won't change what I have or what I have built.

If you take anything away from this, I hope it is the belief that soul mates exist (not necessarily in a romantic capacity, but they are there) and that there should be no secrets in a relationship.

Honesty is the cement slab the foundation of your love is placed upon, and without it the house that is your relationship will likely be unstable and destined to crumble.

This Paperclip Is My Grenade Pin

My house smells of chocolate and deliciousness right now. I keep taking slow deep breaths. I am salivating worse than Pavlov's dog. 

Tonight I am making my second batch of granola and this time we're going dark chocolate. The aroma wafting from the oven is unbelievable. Like brownies, but way healthier. Just so we are all clear. This was never meant to be a foodie blog and it never will be, but I will still occasionally share the wealth of knowledge I have found and tried on Pinterest. 

To be completely honest, the reason I would fail at food blogging is my focus on making the food. I am absolutely horrible about taking the pictures during the process. That said, sometimes I remember, and it just so happens I remembered tonight!

Before I can forget, this is where I got this recipe: Yummy Mummy Kitchen. Oh, and this is the recipe for the almond granola from last week: Whole and Heavenly Oven. Side note, I did not follow either of these recipes to the tee, but mostly. 

Now for random pictures of me putting the granola together. (Another reason I am not a food blogger; I am no good at telling stories in between pictures of food I made.)

The first picture is all the dry goods mixed together (oats, coconut, almonds and chia seeds).

Next we have the ooey gooey chocolate mixture poured into the dry ingredients.

All mixed together. The orange bowl has sentimental value. I bought it when I was nineteen from the Dollar Store so I could make candy bar pie (cheesecake with chocolate ganache and Snickers candy bar pieces on top) for Collin's second visit. 

All the yummy ingredients spread out on the pan (covered with parchment paper) before going in the 300° F oven for about forty minutes.

 It came out of the oven a few moments ago. It's not as cluster-y as the recipe from last week but I think I know something I can try to remedy that. Next time I will give it a try and I will do my best to share the results.

I almost didn't post tonight because my laptop was having mental issues with launching Chrome... No idea what the dealio was, but after a quick reboot I was good to go.

I'm debating spending some time on my other writing project, but my brain is a little drained from work today. Change is something that is rather difficult for me to deal with, more so than I care to admit. At work I feel like change is in the air. I think what rattles me is that it doesn't feel like direct change, but more that stuff around me will be changing. It's unsettling.

So, next post will be two weeks and one day before the anniversary weekend extravaganza starts. I think this will be a great post to begin the no holds barred, tell all of the spark that started what has been the most wonderful and love filled eleven years of my life (so far).