Egg Whites and Chocolate Ice Cream

I'm home today trying to beat down this cold. Even sleeping in until eleven this morning and I still feel run down. I feel better than I did yesterday, but still lame.

This summer I managed to get the ice cream maker attachment for Gandalf the Gray (my Kitchen Aid Pro Series stand mixer). We had it a few weeks before I finally had a chance to use it. Now, I must say, I don't think I will ever buy ice cream again (unless I am truly desperate).

I found a great recipe for homemade chocolate ice cream that was easy to follow and absolutely delicious on Frugal Living NW (another Pacific Northwest based blog). Here's a link to the recipe; which is also one of my cooking hero's recipes - the great Alton Brown. I plan to also try a vanilla one in the future.

The texture was so creamy and the flavor was uncomplicated and perfect. I can imagine all the lovely ways I could tweak it to make different ice creams like rocky road, brownie, death by chocolate, and the list goes on.

There was a wonderful quote on the post the recipe came from that I can wholeheartedly endorse, it's from another book and the short and sweet version is that there is nothing wrong with eating "junk food" on occasion as long as you make it yourself. Most of us aren't willing to make our own ice cream or fries or such.

By making my own ice cream I'm avoiding waste when I eat egg whites. If I didn't make ice cream with the yolks they'd just have to be tossed and I hate the idea of wasting food.

I need to figure out if they can be frozen, otherwise I may be making more and more ice cream than is necessarily beneficial. It would negate the whole point of eating the egg whites, right?

Sorry, my focus is lacking today and in turn my post is lacking the meat I wanted it to have.

Ruby is peacefully snoring while I have "Begin Again" playing in the background. I have wanted to watch it for a while; it is partially to blame for the lack of focus. In a little bit I need to drag my ass into the kitchen to start on dinner. It's more of a dessert for dinner sort of thing... Okay it's straight up dessert. I'm making berry cobbler for dinner.

I am trying to start cleaning out the freezer, but that will be in the next post.

What Doesn't Make Me Stronger Kills Me

It’s been a long year… A very, very long year. It just keeps going.

In fact, this time last year was when I was in the thick of the epithelial debridement treatments for my corneal erosion in my right eye, and that seems like it was eons ago. This was also around the time I cancelled my gym membership. Since then so much has happened. So much has changed. A lot of sad, painful and scary stuff, but somehow there is always a balance of lightness – happy, joyful and amazing things.

The hardest thing for me to admit, is that in the thick of all this change, good, bad or otherwise, I really lost sight of my fitness goals and regiments. I can blame everything in the world (and trust me the list is looooong), but it all boils down to me and my lax behavior over the last six months in particular. There was some yo-yoing but I have gained a net of 35 pounds back in the last few months, and let me tell you I am miserable for it.

The biggest change that has made it more of a struggle? I didn’t have my partner by my side to push me. It’s not an excuse, but Collin and I were both more successful when we could push each other. I know the little one is almost three, but we still seem to struggle finding the right things to do together for our fitness that we can easily involve her in. To us she’s at an odd age to incorporate in running, she doesn’t like sitting in her stroller the whole time but she can only go a mile or so on her own before she is exhausted. Because of this, we have both tried to find our fitness stride outside our normal team dynamic. We walk on breaks and lunches at work, we try to get in a few nights of walking as a family (especially now with the pupperoo), but it’s just not cutting it.

I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, but I feel like I am missing out on things when I do and if I skip to spend time with the family I feel like I am cheating myself. I’ve tried going early in the morning, and it was so-so for me. I may start going after the wee one is in bed. The main reason I don’t is because I don’t like eating a meal before going to the gym. I’ll just have to stick with a lighter dinner (which isn’t a bad thing).

It’s become this ongoing tug of war for me. I’m tired of feeling this way; run down, overwhelmed, fractured even. With the knowledge it is on me to control these things, that is exactly what I am doing.

First thing, Collin and I are back in action pushing each other towards our health goals. We are trying out the It Works® System for 90 days (I will share our progress and results as we go along). I am dedicated to hitting the gym 3 times a week. I plan on adding Collin to my membership (surprise!). We have a training plan in place to get us back up to half marathon distance that we slacked on this last month, but we are going to get our happy butts back on the wagon (surprise again, honey!). We don’t have a race in mind, but I think we will shoot for one around new year’s (maybe not a half, but we’ll see).

The biggest obstacle we face with our training and fitness is ourselves. We need to get past the mental road blocks we put in place about how to accomplish these goals with a toddler and a puppy in tow. The biggest obstacle with the pup is getting her comfortable with other dogs again. That damn cocker spaniel in Omaha really traumatized her puppy psyche. The next biggest is accepting that we are not going to be at prime race pace with a toddler and a puppy along for the ride, and that’s fine. For me it’s more about the distance than the pace. I need to remember that.

Don’t be shocked when you see more and more accountability type posts from me on here. Those of you who follow me on Twitter or Instagram will and have been seeing more and more food related posts as I work to be mindful and conscious of what I am fueling my body with. (If you want some new ideas or some inspiration, please feel free to follow me on Instagram @drivebyscreamer and Twitter @DriveByScreamer)

No lie, I am skeptically hopeful that the It Works® System will help give us the boost in the right direction we so badly need. I know it will not make miracles happen on the scale or in our fitness performance, but I am hoping it will at least augment the work we are doing. I have read both success and fails; and as I have said so many times in the past, I really don’t think supplements and such are the best way to go about achieving long term health. But I am getting older ( *gasp* 31) and I know my body is changing and needs a little more help than it did a few years ago when I was first into the healthy living.

Determination is going to be my biggest ally or enemy. It’s all how I use it.

Next post – Chocolate Ice Cream/Why I Eat Egg Whites

See, there’s balance. ;-)

This Masterpiece Is Only Mine

Weird, weird dreams lately. Like the kind that could envy some of my pregnancy dreams – and no, I am most definitely not pregnant so just get that out of your head.

They have been both vivid and completely off the wall. The most recent one involved my imaginary rock star best friend. Right, so he’s not my friend, but in my head we would be best pals. Ha!

This particular dream was the most mundane, like zero excitement, just very vivid and believable. We (like husband, child and puppy) were visiting family and just hanging out and dude was there. Then we all went walking down at the beach. It was just laid back and fun and we all talked about work and what was going on in life.

Completely bizarre, I know. What the hell kind of fantasy dream is that. The realistic kind, that’s what. It’d be nice to get to spend more time just relaxing with my friends (even the made up ones… Dude’s not made up though, but, yea, you get it). More than likely that is what the dream was pointing to.

Still it would be cool to just get to know my rock star dude.

  

Rock Star Dude == Josh Ramsay

*crickets*

You have no idea? That’s okay. He’s Canadian.

That should explain it all, eh? Not so much?

Honestly, I would love to meet his entire band, Marianas Trench. The whole lot is Canadian. They are classified as Pop/Rock I think.

Thanks to Pandora I have been listening to one of their songs since it came out, “Cross My Heart”. Last year, my station played another one of their songs, “Porcelain,” and I found myself anxiously waiting to hear it. It was just one of those songs that spoke to some piece of me on the deepest level. I heard another song a few months ago but I couldn’t remember the title to save my life. I began this epic search to find the track that involved a lot of time on You Tube before essentially making my way through their entire discography. I am honestly still not 100% which track it was; but what I did find is that I loved every single goddamn song they released.

The album that really did me in was “Ever After.” It is supposed to be listen to as one track more or less and (need to get my hands on a copy) in the CD coverlet there is a story written by Mr. Ramsay that ties into the themes of the album. I still haven’t had a chance to read it. Then to further the pull of the story; the videos made for the singles from said album can mostly be strung together to further tell the story.

My.

Mind.

Was.

Blown.

I have an immense appreciation for the artistry involved. Even more so since the band creates and writes most, if not all, of the music. Then, through some crazy Canadian wizardry, they melodically tie them all together, in some cases even cross referencing between albums. You’d probably never know it if you weren’t a desperate weirdo like me who has listened to everything. For some reason I can’t bring myself to use the term of their “die hard” fans – trencher. I have considered getting my passport card and driving 600 miles for an upcoming show. None of their US tour dates hit anywhere near me. They were literally in Omaha the week before me. No freaking joke.

And I just realized how drastically this post shifted from talking about my odd dreams to a gushing fan girl post…. Sorry.

Last little blurb on this topic; there is a song on their newest album “Astoria” titled “Forget Me Not,” that crushed me; like every molecule within me resonated with the song, and once I learned the background of it, my heart completely went out to the writer and his family. Quick and dirty, it is about a loved one suffering from dementia (or similar) and it brought up all the stored emotions tied with the loss of my mother in law back in 2014. You don’t have to like the “genre” to appreciate the art.

Back to the weird dreams.

Again, reiterating, the negative status on a bun being in my over; I dreamt I was pregnant again. It was realistic to the point I had to really clear my head when I woke up. It must be something in the air, water or food that is doing this to me. Considering all the “madness” at work (translation – big, time consuming, global project) you would think I would be dreaming about that in one fashion or another, but apparently I have been pretty good at compartmentalizing that shit.

I had a dream about ballroom dancing over the weekend... I'm sure that means something beyond the fact I want Collin and I to learn someday. And also maybe have an official dance as husband and wife when we renew our vows (there was no dancing at our original wedding). 

Next Post: Breaking it down before building it up. 

When Your Heart Releases You Won't Fall To Pieces

Our trip to Omaha was big in more ways than just the drive. We decided to spend our vacation there for Collin’s sister’s wedding. Our little princess was one of the flower girls in said wedding. Another milestone was also reached on this trip; Collin and his biological father met for the first time in over 30 years. I told you it was an epic trip! Out of the gate I should warn you I totally failed at taking hardly any pictures; sorry, not sorry; I was too involved in being in the moments.

Once we arrived at the rental house and had taken naps (we were quite road weary after all), we made our way to nearest big box store for some things missed in the packing – I am human after all and can miss things plus it was mostly for food stuffs we wanted. It was a stifling in Omaha. Low- to mid-nineties with 1,000,000% humidity; stepping outside was like walking into a steaming shower, and not in a good way. It was like instantly being covered in film. I know many people don’t mind this weather, but I was not a fan. Thank whomever for air conditioning.

During the entirety of the stay we opted to keep both the kids (human and furry) on their normal schedules as possible. Since we were two hours ahead it meant keeping the kiddo up until 9:30 CT to try and keep her 7:30 PT bed time. It also translated to her “sleeping” (== often quietly sitting in her bed with her stuffed animals) until 7:30-8am CT (5:30-6am PT). Another miracle, but we were able to make it happen. We even shifted her nap time the same way. This allowed us to hang out later Thursday (we had my sis in law and her now hubby over for dinner), stay out later at the rehearsal dinner Friday and the wedding reception the next night. It was kind of awesome.

I know someday she will stay up later and I will wax poetic on how amazing it was when she was in bed between 7 and 8 pm every night.

After arriving on Wednesday, we took Thursday to kind of check a couple things out; like the local coffee offering (Scooter’s – not bad, but not Dutch) and the local-ish grocery store Hy-Vee. The biggest thing that always kills us is how much less expensive the hard alcohol is since it is not sold in state run stores. It was very tempting to restock our bar at home while we were in Omaha, but then we remembered we barely drink a beer or glass of wine now and again at this point, let alone hard booze (unless we are out at a bar).

Thursday evening was spent catching up with the happy couple and our nephew over spaghetti (brown rice noodles but still carbs), garlic knots/bread (CARBS) and beverages. It was great to sit around and shoot the breeze about life and the upcoming “big day.” It filled my heart for the wee one to begin meeting more and more of her family (she has met a large part of mine, but not Collin’s). This was her first time meeting her aunt, uncle and cousin. Even the puppy got to meet her four legged cousin, Reggie.

Friday morning we went to the Henry Doorly Zoo (a favorite spot of ours in Omaha; went last time we were out). It was only about 80-85 with 75% humidity…. °_° The hell spawn enjoyed every minute of the animals. We finished it off with ice cream and the Artic Adventure Splash Pad that just opened this year. We had to kind of cut it short since there we had to meet a not so handy handyman at the house at 1pm to look at a couple issues we had reported to the owner (who was on the ball to resolve!). The reason I say the guy was not so handy is because he came in, looked at the issues and then pretty much said, “Yep, these are issues. He’ll need to have someone come out and fix them.”

Was a little frustrated by this attitude, but oh well, didn’t let it wreck the day.

After nap time it was off to the church for the rehearsal. Our little pixie was immediately absorbed by the other two flower girls (I believe they were both around 8 years old and immediately fell in love with her) and we were left to observe. A short time later we were talking with Collin’s sister and her dad entered the church, as he walked closer my sister in law and I both got a little misty eyed and I started doing that not so subtle look behind you look at Collin. As his father got closer it became a more obvious head nod/twitch that screamed “Look the fuck behind you” and he finally asked me, “What??”

It was at this point that his father touched his shoulder and he turned around. We all made our introductions, our little monster became instantly shy like always. Him and Collin went outside to talk a little bit more while the wedding party started to get their marching orders and timing was discussed. I think they could have talked for hours. I hit it off wonderfully with my “new to me mother in law.” We shared some funny jokes at the boys’ expense; mostly about how stubborn they can both be. We continued the conversation at the rehearsal dinner afterwards and agreed to hang out at the farmer’s market the next morning. Not wanting to get a total F for my picture taking skills, here is one of them all together. The familial resemblance is so strong it’s almost scary:

We kind of had a slow start the next morning but we were still able to enjoy an hour or so at the farmer’s market at Omaha’s Old Market (lovely historic part of the city; visit it if you can!). We chatted some more and learned more about his father and his life. The parallels between some of their life experiences are almost hilarious/unbelievable in the similarity. Ruby did amazing with all the people and other dogs. The only experience (that we are now working through with the trainer) that left a bad taste was this cocker spaniel that nipped at her face. No damage was done physically, but she now has a defense mode when she meets other pups. This mode is made up of a really deep rumble in her chest. The trainer we are working with is confident it will pass, but for now we are cautious with meeting other dogs; just brief two-three second encounters.

We then went to run a couple errands only to hear that the truly handy handyman was headed our way. I dropped Collin and the pup off at the rental and the girl and I went off to take care of business (which included a stop at Target and Scooter’s). The main reason her and I continued on with our errands was because the little turd called us out on it. As we had left the farmer’s market we had told her we were headed to the store to get a couple things. She asked again where we were going right before the property owner called to tell us the handy dude was headed over. So when we went to tell her we had to go to the rental house first she got insanely serious and stated, “I asked you twice and you said we were going to the store.”

Who the hell replaced my toddler with a teenager?!?

Later in the day it was off to the chapel to see my sister in law married. The ceremony was perfect, my little flower girl did wonderfully (can’t wait to see the professional pictures, but here’s one of her running around post ceremony):

Can’t say enough how happy we were to be able to be present for this event.

The reception was a blast. The toddler ran herself silly with all the other littles. I am hoping there was a picture captured from the Dollar Dance when either the wee one or Collin danced with the bride. Collin and his father spent more time chatting and learning about each other. Before leaving we invited his father and his wife over to visit Sunday before the last wedding related event (a BBQ at the groom’s mom’s home).

Sunday was bittersweet as I washed our clothes and began packing and cleaning things up. We spent a couple hours visiting, the boys went to get lunch (including our nephew), while us girls stayed home and colored and watched a movie (well part of one). Later it was off to the BBQ where the food was a plenty (Oh my CARBS) and oh so good. When we left it was difficult. Not like it was goodbye forever, but I know Collin and I both would have loved to just spend a month out there getting to know his father and family and everything. It was the same feeling we had when we left the last time.

We parted with promises that we would come back out as well as that they would head west for a visit to Oregon. We stopped off at a Cold Stone Creamery to treat us all before the long drive back the next day. Then it was back to the rental for one last night; I finished cleaning and packed all that I could into the car. We left Omaha the next morning around 6:30.

Our home will always be Oregon, but a big part of our hearts now belong to Nebraska (as much as we hate the weather and topography – soooo flat).

It’s weird mending the bridges to the past; even a little scary at times. No one can ever know the truth beyond their own experiences and there will always be two or more sides to any story and one person’s perception may not be the same as another’s. It can make for a very interesting patchwork of history, but somehow the patches always manage to overlap.

Now that I have got all mushy and emotional over this… Here’s a picture of three of my four loves sitting on the couch (we didn’t bring my fourth love – the cat; that would have been HELL).

Next post should be something like, Dreams About Rock Stars… Seriously weird dreams lately.

Driving, Driving, Driving

We made a 3,500 mile (PLUS) roundtrip from Portland to Omaha with myself, my husband, our potty trained 2 year old and our most recent addition a 5 month old lab mix puppy (after a vet visit we are not sure what all makes up our chocolate caramel sweetheart). By some miracle we all survived.

Loaded into the car and ready to go! 

Trip Stats are as follows:

Total mileage: 3,620 or something like that

Total time on the road: Out 30-32 hours (includes pit stops)

                                    Back 27 (includes pit stops + 2 ½ hours in a hotel) Can you tell we                                         wanted to get home??

Potty accidents: Me 0, hubby 0, kid 0, puppy 2 (thank goodness for pee pads!)

Vomitus eruptus: Me 0, hubby 0, kid 3 (once out, twice back), puppy 0

Total cost for fuel for our 2009 Subaru Outback: 291.07 (average gas price was around                                        2.10/gallon)

How did we survive? First off, I have been planning this trip for the better part of the year. We knew we would be making it with a toddler who does not like sleeping in her car seat and that she would be potty trained or almost potty trained. The pup was an unknown but managed to fit into the plans perfectly.

Given the length of our time we planned on being at our destination, when it came time to look for a place to stay in good ole Omaha I checked a variety of hotels and then decided to take a gander at HomeAway.com. I was flabberghasted. Not that the hotels will take note of this, but it was the same as (OR WAAY CHEAPER) to rent a HOUSE than book a room. Yes, the upfront costs are higher; you pay at the time of your reservation plus a security deposit (that is typically refundable), but in the long haul having the comforts of a home were worth every single dime.

By renting a house we saved even more money because we didn’t HAVE to eat out every meal and the house was stocked with a week’s worth of basic essentials (laundry detergent, TP, paper towels, etc.) and we brought a lot of the food we would need (I’ll get into the details on that shortly). The house also had a small fenced in yard and they accepted dogs as part of the rental agreement with a measly $20/day pet fee. It was great all the way around; I could probably write a whole post just about the house.

Back to the semblance of sanity maintenance.

In the month prior to our trip I created a very basic project plan just to make sure we didn’t forget some silly little thing. It included items like the following:

- Get Sammy’s oil changed and a service inspection

- Write grocery list

- Write list of items to pack (example of lists below)

- Buy items needed for trip

- Take out cash

These may seem silly, but for someone like me (anxiety, yay!) it gave me peace of mind and helped me enjoy the vacation when it got here.

I mapped out space in our car first in my head and then in reality. The weekend before we left I took the time to take all the vessels we planned to load into the car and play with them. I loaded them in a number of different fashions (while empty) keeping in mind what I would want/need to have access to while on the road. I took pictures of the one that worked best so I could remember when it came time to load and go. (see below)

For on the road I knew that I would want snacks and activities at the ready for the toddler. I loaded up two shoebox sized storage containers that I already had with a variety of her favorite snacks as well as some for us parental units. I put some little dividers in to kind of keep it organized. The idea was cute, but I eliminated them on the way back in favor of just grouping like snacks together.

We had picked up some pre-packaged and I also bagged some stuff from Costco sized packages. I also made our own trail mix with mixed nuts, banana chips, dried fruit, sesame sticks and chocolate candies.

We even bagged up meals for the puppy, which made it quick and easy to get her meals. Sadly, she wasn’t too keen on eating while we were on the road, but she ate like a champ at the rental house.

Our plan on the drive (both there and back) was to drive straight through. Out, we mostly did. We stopped for about an hour at the Wyoming-Nebraska border to doze. Neither of us had slept well the night before we left and it really took its toll around dawn.

We did pretty good on the way back, but around midnight hit a wall with the wee one. She woke up from a night terror so we stopped at the first rest stop we could (luckily it was nearby). She sobbed and sobbed that she didn’t want to go back in her car seat (heart breaking) as we took turns holding her. She just wanted to go home she cried. She got so worked up she threw up (thankfully into a bag). Collin was able to give her some logic that we couldn’t go home until she was in her car seat because it was dangerous and the car can’t move if she isn’t in her seat properly.

Eventually she settled, but after the emotional roller coaster (I cried to, come on, I was tired and my little monster was breaking my heart) I was drained. Collin was able to drive about another hour while I tried to rest. We both admitted defeat and I began the frantic search for a hotel or something in the middle of nowhere Idaho. We were minutes from Bliss, ID and thankfully the Amber Inn (right off I-84) had a vacant double room for $54. Best money I ever spent for a couple hours of sleep and the peace of mind we would make it home safely.

The reality of it was that I didn’t hardly sleep as I was too focused on keeping the tiny body next to me in the bed (damn, that child likes to move in her sleep). Might also have been interrupted by the number of times she inadvertently kicked and smacked me…

After we had snoozed a bit, we headed for breakfast, Dutch Bros and fuel in Boise. First Dutch in almost a week. The tiny demon went all exorcist while we fueled up. So much for those pancakes and bacon… Again, like a champ, she did it into a bag. She quickly drifted off after that and I drove like a bat out of hell to hit Oregon. The drivers are shit, but we were glad to be “home”. To the toddler, we were far from it, but we knew.

She was tired and cranky after throwing up her breakfast. She wanted to be left alone.

My hope was that after Baker City it would be a straight shot home plus maybe a stop for gas. Oh, hell no. We got gas and potty break in Pendleton. Then we had another potty break 50 miles down the road…. Then another in 40 and then ONE LAST about 50 miles after that (this was just west of The Dalles- about an hour from home). I couldn’t not stop when she asked. She had done so well and I didn’t want to spoil her perfect vacation record that close to home. She drifted off just outside of Portland and woke up between Portland and home. A little disoriented but once we got into town proper you could see realization that we were almost there dawn on her little face.

What killed me, after stopping every 30-60 minutes in the last five hours of driving, that little turd then slept from 7:30pm and was dry and in her bed (awake for god knows how long) at 7:30am the next morning…. 12 hours… 12 hours no peeing or accidents but she couldn’t make it more than 45 minutes when we were almost home… 

Sigh.

For the next post I will share the real adventure – our time in Omaha! And boy was it a big one. 

Rubykins, the (Supposed) Mastador

A few months ago we encountered this awesome rescue organization the gets cats and dogs from kill shelters (mostly from California) and works their damnedest to find them forever homes. We met them in the local Petsmart during an adoption event. We almost adopted this adorable terrier mix pup who was just over two months old. As hard as it pulled at my heart strings Collin and I were able to say no and walk away. Also, we knew that we truly wanted a large breed dog for our first dog, and the adorable snuggle bug we saw wouldn't get much bigger than twice the size of our kitty.

Every now and again I would check the site of the rescue organization (if you're considering adopting, please, check them out here - OFOSA) to see who they had in there kennels waiting for homes. Commonly they tend to get small breeds.

In mid-July I knew they were going to be making a rescue trip down to Bakersfield to collect a bunch of dogs/puppies. As I scrolled through the heart melting faces I found this one:

In an instant, I was in love. Then I read her details and I knew I couldn't not meet this gorgeous girl. I sent the link to Collin and he thought I was playing some sick joke on him. This adorable monster was just over four months old and they listed her breed as a Mastiff Lab mix. Holy freaking dream. I mean, we are talking planetary alignment here. These are the two breeds we most wanted to find for our first dog, and the fact she was a puppy to boot meant we knew we wouldn't be fighting an uphill battle with her adjusting to a toddler and a cat.

In the same second that I fell in love with her my mind flashed through a million images of her and the tiny human growing up together. That's just the way my mind works.

Collin called the shelter and told them we wanted to meet her. We filled out the adoption application, faxed it in and then I left early to get the demon child from daycare. The moment we saw this awkward leggy pup in the flesh we knew she was meant for greatness, and that greatness would be with us.

Since she had just completed her intake they informed us that we couldn't actually take her home for seven days. They do this to insure that the animals they adopt out are healthy and clean. We were more than okay with this as it gave us the opportunity to get things set up for her homecoming. She was mistakenly listed as Rosie on their site, but the name didn't fit for us. We talked over options with the kiddo (we all knew who's dog she would really be) and none of them made her happy. As we left the shelter I remembered that I forgot to have Collin sign the application; he ran back in to do so. I sat with an over excited toddler who kept asking why her puppy wasn't in the car. When he came back out he told us that "her name" was actually supposed to be listed as "Ruby." We all agreed that it suited her perfectly.

A few days later (and two days before we were expected to pick her up) the shelter called. Ruby had contracted Parvo. Think of it as the flu, but like chicken pox in the fact that once contracted (and survived) the dog cannot contract it again. Parvo is a serious issue, but (like the vet tech told me) it shouldn't be a death sentence for a dog. It attacks their lymph nodes and organ tissues and causes vomiting and diarrhea. When they called and told us my heart shattered into a million pieces for this tiny (not tiny) baby. She was already malnourished when they brought her in and this just decimated her body. They already started an aggressive treatment of blood plasma transfusion, IV fluids and anti-nausea meds. They asked us if we would still want her - assuming she survived - to which we adamantly replied yes. They promised to send updates and photos. One of the photos we received is below:

  She was skin and bones, but she was starting to come around. Thankfully, a few days later (August 3rd to be exact) she was healthy enough to come home. She lacked quite a bit of energy as her body fought to recover and rebuild. She was also a finicky eater at first (but I am glad to say we got her transitioned away from any people food and onto just dry kibble).

Her and the girl have bonded beautifully and we commonly have to remind the human child that the newest furry child doesn't have quite as much energy as her since she has a lot of growing to do in the next year and a half. They estimate she will weigh in around 100 pounds once full grown. She was maybe twenty pounds of skin and bones when we brought her home. At five months she is about the height of a medium sized dog and is commonly mistaken for a pit bull because of it (which I don't care because pits are some of the sweetest dogs in the world). I am interested to see if the vet confirms her breed mix or says something different. Everything about her says lab/mastiff, but you never know, and I really couldn't care either way. I love this goofy pup with all my heart.

Now here's a bunch of pictures from the last three weeks!

First day home. 

Snuggles with her daddy. (those paws!!)

 Playing outside, a few days - a week after coming home. (her coat is puppy soft, totally throws a bunch of people when they meet her thinking she's an adult)

There's a happy pup. She settled in real quick. 

Two weeks after bringing her home we set off on an epic road trip to and from Omaha. She did AWESOME. (in a future post I will share how I made this trip go as smoothly as possible with a toddler, a puppy and a husband)

 Watching the thunder storms in Omaha get closer (I called this one "A Girl, Her Giraffe and Her Dog") 

Pit stop on the way back to Portland. Water break!

Tonight, her rawhide chew fell off the couch, but she couldn't quite trouble herself to get all the way down to get it. 

Friday, her and I have a date with the vet to get weighed, her rabies vaccination (she was just a bit young when we got her and I can't wait for her alteration appointment next month which is provided as a part of her adoption fee once she is of age and in her case put on some much needed weight [which she has]) and a nail trim. This is all in preparation of official training starting on Saturday, 

We are all going to be taking the 6 week beginner training class with her. And when I say all I mean all. Collin, munchkin and I will all be attending the classes so that Ruby knows to listen to ALL of us the same. The trainer (thru Petsmart) is a big advocate for this and I 110% agree. What good is training if the animal only responds to one person? I'm sure there will be some frustrating moments, just like with the toddler, but Ruby is smart as sin. She is already housebroken, understands sit, stay and gets come and lay down when she wants to. 

I will be sure to share more of Rubykins' and Tiny Human's adventures as they grow together!

Do I Have the Moral Fiber for This Emotional Constipation?

I won't even attempt to play catch up. It's been over four months. Cliff notes version... And go!

Pneumonia for the entire family in February plus an ear infection for the wee one.

Applied for, was offered and accepted a promotion. Transitioned into new role in March.

Had strep throat Memorial day weekend.

Completed leadership academy.

Watch an amazing young person graduate from high school last night.

The little monster has been officially in big girl underpants for a week as of today.

Along with about a million other details and everyday things that have transpired, life has definitely not been boring or slow.

I mean, crap, four months?! Four long but blurry and quickly gone months.

I chopped all my hair off too. Can't forget that.

I rejoined a gym. If there were more hours in the day I would be there more. I am mostly beating myself up because of the last two weeks, between school, events, training, work and illness, I have only made it in four times. It is what it is.

I think I have been avoiding this without even meaning to. I'd blame it on everything that has been going on in my life, but typically these things are what push me to find solace in writing. I have been emotionally on edge for weeks, probably even months but I can't seem to bring myself to leap off the edge and detox my psyche. I feel an epic meltdown of tears hovering in the ether that surrounds me but I haven't been able to grasp it.

Realistically I am sure I am mildly depressed, but this isn't like depressions I have dealt with before. I feel over-, under- and just straight up whelmed by the world. I haven't talked about it much because I am not sure how to articulate the swirling storm of emotions. It has been much like Oregon weather. For anyone not familiar it can go from glorious, happy sunshine to gnarly, daunting clouds in a heartbeat. At the same time that analogy doesn't fit how I have been feeling 100%. It's more that I go from happy, confident and motivated to still feeling all of those emotions tinged with an edge of sadness or occasionally anger... But that is more common when I am driving. Ha.

Let's circle back to the gym thing. The big reason I decided to get back into that is because it gives me the endorphin highs I need to get through the halo of sadness looming over me. This may or may not be the most beneficial way for me to deal with it, but it's like ibuprofen is to a fever - it staves it off for a moment but does not truly heal or correct it. Also, as a side effect of the ongoing emotional issues, my weight has been fluctuating up; something I have worked hard to avoid. Just that alone has been more than enough for me to take the time to look at and evaluate what is going on in my life.

I'm sure part of it has been the transition from one job to another; a professional freshman fifteen if you will. It seems small but in actuality it is horribly frustrating for me. I have been working so hard for so long to get this weight off so any gain back is like a failure to me. In turn this just creates a downward spiral further fueling the depression and destructive behavior.

The toddler is a hurricane of rage and tears today. I was home alone when I began typing this. Then Collin and the storm came home. She is crying over everything but refuses to tell us if anything is wrong or hurting her. Given the current conversation and activities going on in the bathroom I think she was constipated. Literally, unlike me. She is telling Collin how she wants to see her poop and it's probably got some chicken nuggets.... She is such a weirdo and so awesome. As you can tell she has completely distracted me from my conversation here with you.

I don't think she slept well last night; may her nap improve her attitude so we can have an enjoyable afternoon and evening.....

I refuse to make any commitment to posting any regularity,  but I am hoping to overcome any obstacles I have been encountering in not posting.