I Am Not Laughing At You, I Am Having A Seizure Of The Face.

You know, I really truly meant to be on here sooner than this, but oh well. That just means this will be an exceptionally long and hilarious blog. Loads to share. Okay, I am going to pick up where I left off in the last little blurb I posted....

As I mentioned, the weekend before this last one, we went to Minto Brown Park and I almost died. What happened was while we were walking around, I stopped to take a close up picture of some really red leaves (I love the colorful foliage this time of year... see the pictures on myspace), and this "drunken" wasp came flying out of the brambles right at me. I say drunken because it was really cold, and bees, wasps, etc. tend to sssssllllloooooooooowwww down in colder weather as they prepare to hibernate for the winter. The effer landed right on my freaking arm! Thank god I had a thicker shirt on, cause it wouldn't get off my sleeve and it was doing the humpy motion with its but like it was trying to sting. (For those of you unaware and slightly confused as to how in god's green earth this could kill me, I am allergic to bee, wasp etc. stings.) So I am freaking out, Collin's freaking out, and I am sure inside its little head the wasp was freaking out too. Collin FINALLY managed to get it off my sleeve, at which point it tried landing on him. Once we were finally sure the wasp was on neither of us, we rapidly left the area, praying to god no one heard us screaming like little girls...

The day before that particular adventure we went to Collin's final follow-up appointment for the accident. While we were sitting there waiting, one thing led to another and somehow I was physically threatening him in the scariest possible way, I believe he was biting his nails and for some reason it really sets me off. I said to him, in the quietly psychotic voice all women possess, "If you keep biting your nails I will cockpunch you so hard your testicles will come out you nose and your weiner will come out of your mouth!"

Can you imagine his response to that? I know it shocked me. His biggest question, after I threatened to mutilate his junk, was, "Will they be inside out?"

That is my husband... He is awesome.

A big part of the reason I haven't been on to post is that I got this stupid cold and have been sick since Thursday-ish. I hate being sick! But then again who likes it? Except for maybe hypochondriacs... For the past two nights I have found comfort in healthy doses of Nyquil. I love the stuff since it knocks me out and I can sleep, I think it's the only reason I am feeling better so quickly. That and the extra vitamin C, the high amounts of water, loads of green tea and honey, and I have not smoked since Friday, except for one cigarette. (Not that it matters, I really only smoke at work and at family functions, and if I go to a bar)

Oh, and the kicker of it is, I get sick the day after I set up plans to go pick my mom up to spend the afternoon with her. And since she's been dying to see my place and blah blah blah, it's not like I could cancel on her, she already thinks I don't like being around her. Of course, when I pick her up and she notices I am sick, she's like, "If you're sick we could have done this another time I would have understood." And the little voice in my head is screaming in response, "Yea, I could have, but you'd think I was lying about it!!!!!" Yea, Saturday having my mom over for the afternoon was a freaking blast!!!(if you can't tell that statement is drenched in sarcasm) After we got to my house she didn't even allow me the opportunity to show her around, she just started snooping. Then I am making lunch for us (my mom, Collin, and me) and I asked her if she wanted her grilled cheese cut (as I take the first completed sandwich out of the pan), and she's like, "Yea, but that's not for me is it? It's for HIM right?" Shocked and appalled I look at her and tell her no, this is hers. She then says, "No, no feed him first." Still dazed by her actions, I bluntly told her, "Umm, no. We don't play that game in this house, I will make his when I am ready to, and he knows that." I just couldn't believe that she thought we were like that... And to make matters worse, from the moment I picked her up to the moment I dropped her off she was telling me about how horrible her mom (my grandma) is to her, and how her mom hates her... I just wanted to grab her and shake her (and maybe smack her a bit) and scream at her that if grandma hated her she wouldn't be letting her live there. Sheesh....

So after that debaucle of a Saturday, I am pleased to say that Sunday was fairly awesome. Thankfully it was warm when we went to the pumpkin patch or with my luck I would have gotten worse than I was. It was about 73 degrees on Sunday when we were out and about, it was cah-razy. I am fairly certain it was the last of our warm weather for the year though. At the pumpkin patch we got two huge pumpkins, they are going to be carved tomorrow I believe. There are pictures of the pre-carving on myspace. They were six bucks each, which I think is a good deal considering the hugeness of them. I can't believe Halloween is Friday... Collin will be twenty six.

Wow, this post has almost turned into a novella... I think I might go see if Collin wants to start on the pumpkins tonight after I post all the awesome new pictures from the last two weeks. It's only 7:40 after all.... If I can tear him away from COD4 with his friend.... Peace out!

It is almost a sure thing I will post tomorrow night if we get the pumkins carved.