Happy Turkey Day!!!

Figures, I actually get a weekday off and I am still up before the sun... We actually woke up at five... Ugh...

Happy Thanksgiving to any and all who read this!!

So, Thanksgiving, a time to be thankful, and boy, I tell you, I am. I guess here's a list of the stuff I am thankful for right off the bat, and I am sure I will forget a few things...

I am thankful for all my friends, especially my two best friends: Renee and Kristina.

I am thankful for my family (ALL of them, in-laws included).

I am thankful that both of us having good, steady jobs (especially in these troubled economic times!).

I am extremely thankful that we have our own place, and that all of our bills are getting paid down.

I am thankful to be alive (that's always a plus right?).

I am so completely and utterly thankful that I am with the love of my life, my soul mate, my missing puzzle piece, my heart and soul, my all time bestest friend forever and ever, the finisher of my sentences, the person who knows my thoughts before I ever speak them, my partner, my co-conspirator, the angel on my shoulder and the devil on the opposite shoulder, my uber hotness, my Collin. I love you so much and am thankful for every moment with you. (I hope I didn't just make any reading this throw up their Thanksgiving meal.... I know, way to mushy right? Well suck it up and deal, I love this man dearly, and I am thankful for having him in my life.)

Oh, and I am thankful for my cell phone, high speed internet, my car, our Wii, my coffee maker, and tons of other everyday conveniences that I generally take for granted.

Now I am going to get more coffee and watch my husband play Super Paper Mario on the Wii.

I hope everyone has an awesome Thanksgiving, and K know that I love and miss you tons, and I wish I could come see you... Any one know how much kidneys are going for on the black market right now?

Gobble gobble bitches!

Don't Make Me Send Guido After You...

I really really don't want to have to send Guido after you... I mean he is one scary Mo-Fo.

As we all know we are in a rather stressful economic period (aka a recession, that's right you chicken shit economic analysts, I said it, RECESSION!!) and though in one aspect, the industry I am in (collections) is "booming", it is getting harder and harder to recover the bad debts our clients assign to us. We face so many obstacles in trying to collect these past due bills because the consumers are facing so many obstacles too. They are losing their jobs, their homes, and so on and so forth. It is my office's job as a collection agency to overcome these objections and get the bills paid, whether by payment in full, a payment plan, a settlement offer, or as a last resort issuing a payroll garnishment (assuming said consumer has a job). Below is more or less a joke, a way to vent my frustration at things being beyond my control. So please, don't think me evil, or crude, or crazy... Okay, well the last one maybe, but that's a given.

Overcoming The Objections: Practical Collection Techniques for The Modern Collection Agency

Objection: Consumer- "I just can't afford to pay this all right now."
Collector- "We can set up a payment arrangement to take care of the balance."
Consumer- "Okay, I can do that...."

Objection: Consumer- "I just lost my job and I can't afford to pay this bill."
Collector- "Are you getting unemployment? We can work out a smaller payment plan until you get back to work. I am willing to work with you on this account."
Consumer- "Thank you, I can probably do...."
If that doesn't work, know your local job market and find out what kind of work they do. Worst Case Scenario: Collector- "Have you consider selling plasma? Or maybe even a kidney?"

Objection: Consumer- "I can barely afford to keep a roof over my kids' heads and keep them fed. I really have no way to make my payment."
Collector- (first check local and state law before proceeding with this tactic) "Have you considered renting out your kid? Or even maybe selling him/her? I heard there is good money to be had for young, easy-to-train children."
If the consumer doesn't immediately hang up on you, or demand to speak to a supervisor after making this suggestion, you know you have a consumer that really does want to pay their past due obligation.

Objection: Consumer- "I have to make my truck payment this month, I have no other way to get to and from work, so I can't deal with this bill right now."
Collector- "You drive a 2007 Ford F350 Super Duty right? Dark blue with plate number 245DPG? What kind of payment are you making on that?" (Not only does this scare the bejeezus out of them, but it lets them know you have driven by their house or at least pulled a DMV report on them)
Consumer- "Ummm.... The payments are $389 a month plus the insurance which is another $125 a month."
Collector- "Have you ever considered trading that vehicle in for something more affordable like a used mid-nineties Geo Metro? Or even a late nineties Hyundai Accent? Or maybe even a bike...?" (now would be the time for a nice little psychological pause)
......
Consumer- "Uh, I guess I could find a way to get my payment in to you this month..."

Objection: Consumer- "I was horribly maimed and lost an arm in a terrifying mill accident, so now I can't work, and I can't pay this bill."
Collector- "I am terribly sorry you got hurt, but you still need to take care of your obligations. Surely you are getting workman's comp, or some other form of monetary compensation for the injury you sustained? Have they offered you a settlement? Would you be able to take care of this when you get that?"
Consumer- "I just lost my arm and all you care about is that stupid bill!!"
Collector- "Again I apologize for what happened to you, but my client provided a service and just as you deserve to be paid for your arm, he deserves to be paid for his services."
If the consumer is still on the line at this point you may have talked him down and now you may be able to get some money out of the poor bastard.

Objection: Consumer- "I just don't have the money to pay this."
Collector- "I had really hoped we could work this out and get this taken care of over the phone... *sigh* I guess I have no choice. Are you going to be home for the next few hours?"
Consumer- "Well, yes... What does this have to do with me paying the bill, I told you I don't have any money..."
Collector- "I understand that. I am just going to have one of my associates drop by with some paperwork and see if we can get something worked out that way. So you know him when you see him, he's about six foot five, muscular, bulky like a professional wrestler, dark hair, and olive complexion. His name is Guido..."
Consumer- "Um, I could actually probably come down there and work something out, maybe make a small token payment of twenty dollars. You don't need to send Guido..."
The consumer should sound a little shaken, like maybe they even peed their pants.

We collection people aren't bad people, we're just people working to make a living. I like to believe we're a little better than telemarketers. Yes, like them we want money, but we want it for a past due bill, we're not trying to sell you useless junk. We have hard times just like most of the people we collect from, and some of us have even been "in collections" ourselves.

I am going to read. Peace Out.

People Will Be Puking Santa Everywhere...

Today some jerk at Walmart decided to park right on my rear bumper. See I had pulled through the parking spots so that my front end was facing out. When Renee and I left to go load up the stuff in the back there it was, this ginormous Ford F-350 had pulled into the spot behind me and was at most 18 inches from my rear bumper. Obviously this prevented me from opening the tail-gate. So we decided to fold down the back seats and put stuff in that way and through the back glass. While I was folding down the driver side back seat (and this happens a lot but generally not so bad) as the seat folded down the freaking head rest flung back (like it does) and smashed the shit out of my poor innocent middle finger. I was so pissed, if that douche bag hadn't been parked right on my bumper this never would have happened. Luckily nothing was broken, but my finger started swelling and bruising immediately, and it broke the skin and made me bleed right at the base of my nail. It IS painful. Thank god for ibuprofen...

Today I made two batches of pumpkin bread (totaling six loaves; two raisin, three chocolate chip, and one plain for Renee). And now I am making dinner... Well, I have made dinner and it is in the oven baking. I made lasagna. Which I haven't made since June I think...

Lately I have had a couple really interesting horoscopes in the paper. Here's a couple:

November 12th: You're a believer. You won't wait for the supporting evidence or the facts. You believe in something just because you want to, and that works out well for you. There is intelligence in your innocence.

November 19th: The work that's in front of you is not your favorite. You might actually have physical symptoms regarding this, like just looking at it makes you super tired. Get it over with quickly so you can go back to being your happy self.

November 20th: This one is my favorite. You're an original. You're looking at the same scenery as everyone else, but your thinking something different about it than anyone before you has ever thought.

Okay, so what I get from the one for the 12th is that I believe whatever the hell I want, screw the rest of the world. Yeah, that sounds about right. The one for the 19th hit the railroad spike on the head, that day sucked ass. I really didn't want to be working that day, I was exhausted... Not sure why though. And then there's my favorite horoscope ever, the one from the 20th. My understanding of it is that everyone sees horses when I see unicorns, or they see a field of overgrown grass and I see hobbits waiting to attack me. I guess it really means that I analyze things differently, and does not necessarily mean that I am crazy.

On a similar note, my imagination seems to be in overdrive. For some reason, (and I think that this stems from one of Collin and mys fave past-times) when I am around people that I don't really know, until I know more about them I tend to make up stories about their life and how they came to be where they are. Collin and I like to do this when we see people walking on the street or when we pass them in traffic and so on and so forth. One such person I have been making up stories about is a new person I see day to day. I don't know why, I just do it. Like, I think the reason him and his wife moved here was so he could "get out" of The Life. You know what I mean... **nudge nudge, wink wink** Okay, so I think he was in the mafia or something similar.... I don't know why... I am sure as I get to know him better that will go away, but until then I think it's a pretty interesting life story, and a good reason for moving to the area.

Thanksgiving is upon us and then before we know it, it's gonna be Christmas. Yay...

I am excited about our first Christmas just the two of us, and I will probably put the tree and shit up on Thursday after my family skidaddles. It's just all the other shit that you have to deal with during the holidays, people spewing false goodwill and cheer, and blah blah blah, that I just can't stand.

Well the lasagna is about done, so I need to get the bread ready. Peace Out.

And So I Drew A New Face And I Laughed

I have noticed that about every two years or so I have the strong urge to chop all my hair off, I felt this way earlier this year and got my hair trimmed. Well, I am feeling that way again.... like hardcore. When I woke up this morning I had a headache, and as I was staring at my reflection in the mirror I wondered if I would feel better after taking the clippers to my hair, right then and there. I decided against it. One, I don't think I can pull off bald, I will leave that for my husband. Two, it's practically winter time and I don't want my poor head to freeze. I guess I will probably just chop most of it off come spring time.

Speaking of, I am thinking (hoping and planning) that come spring time Collin and I can take a week off and go on a road trip. I want to go south down I-5 and then come back up the coast. Maybe even go down into California. On the way down I want to go to the Oregon Vortex, and from there head south to the Redwood National Park. That would be fun and a nice vacation I think, especially since we haven't had any real vacation since our honeymoon. So, if our financial situation allows it (which I am gonna try really hard to make sure it does) we are going to have a nice little week of vacation come spring time. And then take another week around our anniversary.

Karma: cause Life can't be the only bitch.

I whole-heartedly believe in karma. Whether good or bad your actions always come back to you, and I like to believe that I have fairly decent karma. I know I have hella good "car karma", because I am always letting people into traffic (if I can safely), and stopping for peds and bicyclists. In life in general, I may have made a few karmic no-nos, but I think the good really out weighs the bad, and I am sure I have "repented" (so to speak) for any karmic wrong-doing. (and if not, anyone is free to call me on it and I will do so... maybe) There are times however when I don't give a shit about karma and just feel like being a bitch, if you happen to see me on one such day, I apologize in advance. I probably just had a shitty day at work. But for the most part I am nice to people, except the ones I make fun of. I look at it this way (my husband enlightened me on this one) you gotta figure in this world, while you make fun of the idiot who is wearing black knee highs and seventies style basketball shorts, there is someone who is making fun of you. It goes back to the quote: "To survive you have to learn to laugh at the world, because it is sure as shit laughing at you."

That last paragraph kind of came out of left field. A little psycho babble never hurt any one, that's assuming it made any sense in the first place.... I think originally I had a totally different point... Hmmm....

Conversation from last night:

"Brush your teeth."

"I'm going to."

"It sounds like you're talking to the cat..."

"I am... I'm establishing my dominance, I am letting her know the only way to kill me is in my sleep."

"Oh..."

Collin then came in so we could go to bed and proceeds to tell me how he established his dominance by talking to the cat:

"So I told her, 'You'll have to kill me in my sleep, cuz daddy's not as sympathetic to small furry creatures as mommy is.'"

I was speechless...

Yea, speaking of my husband, while I have to work, his lucky ass gets the day after Christmas off (he has vacation time he needs to use by the first of the year). I then informed him that he was watching my co-worker's nine year old son that day since her day care would be closed and he was available. His response: "What?!?" I just laughed. Serves him right for bragging about getting time off while I work. I told the girls this and then Renee pipes in with, "oh, yeah, and he can watch Mia too, right?" Fun times.

Who wants to be a potato chip when they can be a Twisted Cheetoh?

I am going to go read for a bit now before the ANTM cycle finale is on.

Peace out.

Gouge My Eyes Out With A Dull Spork

"In chaos there lies opportunity." So sayeth the Dove Chocolate foil wrapper, so it must be true... Right?

This month has been a tough one. Shorter months always are. Luckily I have Collin and my bestie Renee. I probably would have left my job months ago if it weren't for her.

We have seen some crazy shit in our adventures. This last summer, on one of the really hot days, we were driving down 17th Street towards Mission, and saw this extremely overweight man standing in his yard, wearing nothing but way too short-shorts. All the blinding white flesh scarred our retinas... It was bad. Then in late September we were running errands on a Saturday and were going towards downtown on State Street, and we saw a guy standing in the shrubbery at Bellinger Tires, peeing on the side of the freaking building. Either they gave him a raw deal on some tires, or he was just a bum, or he just really really needed to pee.

As I have said before, Renee and I watch Maury everyday at lunch (we love our baby-mama drama, and lie detector tests; it makes our lives seem normal) and everyday we see those dumb ass commercials for the "colleges". So, there is this one school's commercials that the chick on it has become really annoying and we tend to make fun of her. We noticed that in some of the commercials they show the names of the "students" who are giving there testimonials, but they never showed hers. One day, out of extreme ornery-ness and boredom during lunch, we called the number on her commercial to see if the "they" that she was always talking about would answer, and if they did would they know her name. They didn't. And I imagine they probably thought we were on drugs since we were giggling like school girls.

Sometime last week, before Collin and I went to bed, for some reason or another I was being excruciatingly stubborn about actually getting my ass off the couch and going to bed. Collin looked at me and in a stern voice said, "Bed." I looked at him and responded, "Head." All the while just as stern.... This began a fun new game of him saying words and me saying a totally unrelated word that sounded the same. The one he said that really got me was orange. If I remember correctly (I was completely exhausted and could have slept right there on the love seat) I responded with storange. Collin said this wasn't a real word but come to find out (I just looked it up in the urban dictionary) it is in fact a word. It is a noun meaning: "a store that sells only fruits and vegetables." Cah-razy.

I invited my family over for Thanksgiving dinner. This should be fun. I need to tidy up the house this weekend, and clear all the paperwork off the tables, and shit like that. I am hoping that dinner will go smoothly. I invited my dad, sister, nephew, and brother. I could not bring myself to invite my mother. It would only cause problems, plus Jenn and I agreed that it was just easier this way. Part of me wants to feel guilty for excluding her, but all the other parts of me tell it to shut the hell up. Plus it is well known that my mother is the destroyer of holiday cheer.

As most of the world knows by now (unless you have been hiding under a rock), Twilight the movie is coming out this week, and I am extremely torn. I have read and own all the books (in fact I am re-reading them again) and totally fell in love with the characters, and the story. I guess you can say I am one of the masses who is irrevoccably in love with the idea behind the stiry. Back to the point at hand, so this movie is coming out and I really really really want to see it, like right away. The problems with that is #1. I am worried I will be disappointed if the movie strays too far from the original plot (I understand that some things will have to be a little different to work as a movie) and #2. for the price of two movie tickets (even at matinee pricing) I could just buy the damn movie as soon as it comes out on DVD. Yea, if I buy it and hate it I will have another coaster, but I don't see that being the case... I don't know I am torn... Some of the casting decisions for the first movie, sort of mess up the storyline in the second movie (assuming they will make all the books into movies.... they better....), and anyone who has read all the books knows what I am talking about, and if not re-read the first two books. I am not going to spoil anything for those of you people who haven't yet been sucked into the world of Twilight. So what to do... Do I go see it in the theater, spending at least $15.00 (unless the hubby somehow scores us some free movie passes from work)? Or do I wait patiently and go to Walmart at midnight the day it gets released on DVD? Honestly? I think I will prolly cave and go see it in theaters...

Well, I think that's enough rambling for one evening... I put some new pics up on myspace.

Peace Out.

I Will Be Utterly Disappointed If I Don't See A Fight Tonight.

Last night was awesome! We had so much fun, granted we were in the upper level seating, but it was still awesome to watch a hockey game live and in person. There were two really awesome fights. It was GREAT! I would love to go to another game but I would want to get better seats. And talk about "sticker shock" for a bottle of water at the concession stand it was $3.75!!! Holy freaking cow.... It's like highway robbery.

So yeah, I had a great time but the leg room was rather lacking...

Today I got a new pair of these hard brown leather shoes, and I love them. Now I just need to find the perfect winter coat... Collin and I figure it's about time I get a real coat, rather than a sweatshirt. We also got all of our Christmas decorations today. I know you're prolly like "Oh, she's one of those... It ain't even Thanksgiving yet and she's got all her shit..." Yes, I have the stuff, but I am not putting any of it up until the weekend after Thanksgiving.

While stuck in traffic in Portland last night on our way to the game, the OHSU tram went over head. Now I had never witnessed this in person, so I mentioned to Collin there was no way in hell I would ever be able to ride that thing, unless I was already unconscious. If he did manage to force me on there I would prolly be hanging on to a pole or something, white faced and screaming, "AHHHHHHH! I want off!!! AHHH!!!!" And I would completely freak out all the other passengers and prolly have to be sedated to be able to let go of said pole and get off of the effing tram.

Then Collin asked me if I had ever gone to the Space Needle, I told him no the closest I had been was when we were up in Seattle in May of 2006. He explained I probably would hate it, because the ride up is in a glass elevator. I agreed, and then he went on to say "....blah blah blah the Speece Needle..." And we busted into laughter... Apparently my husband is German as well as all his other interesting heritage. Ha.

Well my home-made Hawaiian Pizza is done and we are gonna watch a movie, so, Peace.

I Think My Cat Is Trying To Kill Me....

Collin sent me a link today that outlines signs of your cat trying to kill you. And Spaz does all of these things!!! Everyone needs to check out this link, it may mean life or death. www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php

Seriously, check it out. You're life may be in danger and you don't even know it.

On a lighter note: We are goign to a hockey game tonight!! Yay me!! (and Collin, LOL)

Peace Out!

I Think There's A Club For That... You Should Join It.

Okay, I have about ten minutes before I have to leave for work, so I thought I would hop on here momentarily and slam out a quick post. I have yet to post those pics from Halloween, I will try tonight.

I am sure you are asking about the change of the blog name. Well, it actually has a lot of meaning, and I couldn't ignore it when it hit my like a brick wall at work. When the thought came stumbling through my head I had to silently laugh (cuz if I did it out loud my co-workers would think I am even more unhinged than they realized) because the first thing I thought of was Austin Powers. Plus, it just makes sense, that's what this blog is after all: me in a nutshell.

Yesterday was one of those days for me; at one point I almost started screaming at my stapler.... Yeah, it was bad.

I have to tell you about the best trick-or-treater of 2008. I opened the door to hand out the candy, and there is a lone kid (he looked like he was about ten-ish) He was dressed in jeans, a black turtleneck, a ninja mask, and a big curly blonde wig. I couldn't help it, I had to ask what he meant to be, and without even hesitating he gave me the best answer. "The lead singer of Twisted Sister." I heard his dad laugh from the sidewalk. I gave him extra candy for that. Seriously, it was awesome.

Time to go to work.... Yay.... Peace Out.

When Life Shits On You, Smear It In Life's Eyes

Sitting at my desk this morning I realized that I hadn't posted in over a week now... I think... And the more I thought about it it all made sense...

The first week of the month is always the most stressful and frustrating week in my office, so by the time I drag myself through the front door, make and eat dinner I am just too effing drained to boot up my laptop and get on here to tell the world how crappy my day was. Also I was getting over a nasty cold this last week, so double whammy. But I feel better, and though I am utterly drained here, things are good. Tomorrow night or this weekend I will be on putting up new pics, some of me on Halloween (I was an angel. Fitting, right?), and also a picture of Collin's awesome birthday cake I made him.

Now I must get back to work, I just felt the uncontrollable urge to get on here real quick. Oh, and in my next post I will tell you about the awesomest trick-or-treater we had on Halloween. Peace Out!