Often Times Those Words Get Tangled Up In Lies

I realized while I was trying to do something totally unrelated that I need to renew my freakin' driver's license before my birthday.... Yay me! Psh... Damn responsiblities, and adult type shit...

So, at work today at about 3ish maybe, it started to rain pretty hard. Now it had been all sunny and stuff until about noon, and then some clouds started popping up, but it was still fairly sunny. When it started raining like that Renee and I looked out the window in the bookkeeping office just as some snow started to mix with the rain. We're like, "Oh, look, there is snow mixed in the rain..." Then it suddenly turned into all SNOW! They were huge fluffy flakes that almost looked fake. Just as suddenly as it started it slowed and looked like it was turning back into rain, and then it picked up again. I said to Renee, "Keep Vikki out of here, she'll hate to see this shit..." It all but stopped then, and Vikki walked in there asking something. Naturally it was at that exact freakin' moment that it just started snowing like a mofo. After a couple roller coaster minutes more it cleared up and got sunny again. All this happened over the course of maybe five minutes. It was totally random.

I have had so much stuff going through my head the last couple days, I swear my head will 'splode into a million gooey brain giblets... I have a lot of things to think about and consider, and some of it may require me to leave my comfort zone. I know I have a really great group of people to turn to for support, but I think most of this is stuff that I need to handle and figure out for myself. And there is no easy answer for any of it... It's like a long, drawn out game of tug of war is going on in my heart and head. What are you supposed to do when they disagree, but your head is winning the arguments (because it has my best interests on top priority) ? I guess it's one of life's situations that you either stay where you feel safe and comfortable, or you take the plunge and hope for the best. Right now, I think I just have my toe in, testing shit out before I commit to anything. While I tell myself I am happy with shit as it is, I look back over my blogs and realize that's probably not really the case and I am just putting on the happy face. It's kind of like the battered spouse syndrome: I don't leave because I am afraid of being "alone," but I don't want to stay because it's not healthy for me to be here. Or maybe it's more like Stockholm Syndrome; I, the hostage, have begun to relate to my captors.... Eww, that's a terrifying thought, isn't it? At the same time I want to tell myself that this feeling/urge will pass, but I am not so sure this time (it has gone away before)... See what I mean, I haven't even really elaborated on what the issue is and I am sure you are just confused as I am because what I am feeling could apply to so many different aspects of my life.

Now I am getting distracted because Collin is playing golf on the Wii, well he was... Now he cheated and shut off the Wii because he got a water hazard on the ninth hole after being at -2 up until then.... Pshaw.

I am going to watch the news and go night night now.

Good night moon!