I'm Crying So Hard, There Are Tears Every Where!

... No this is not a sad blog. Actually it may prove to be quite HI-larious...

Last night, after work, while suffering a headache, Collin and I were laying on the bed talking and joking about stuff. I don't remember what led to us doing this but we started acting extremely childish, and were essentially spitting on each other (via razzing... It's not like we were hacking up loogies to spit on each other...) and this escalated into us slobbering on our hands and then wiping the saliva on the other person. At one point Collin went to slobber on my forehead and I freaked out, whimpering like a battered housewife (and no, I find nothing comical about domestic abuse, it's just a good analogy...) because I thought he had licked my forehead. Turns out he didn't, he just pretended to do so. My reaction sent him into a fit a laughter, and then I started laughing. So, here we lay, on the bed, laughing so hard we could barely breathe when he blurts out, "I'm crying so hard.... .... There are tears everywhere!!!"

This made us laugh even harder. One, there weren't that many tears (it's not like tears were flying out of his eyes like water from a garden hose) and two, he was laughing so hard when he said it he sounded slightly hysterical and his voice was a little higher in tenor than normal (think Will Ferrill when he's burying John C Reily in Step Brothers). It was cah-razy.

After we finally stopped laughing (about five minutes later) Collin went and got me coffee for my headache. It was so sweet of him. The laughing helped too.

This weekend was awesome. We had a great little trip on Sunday, and there are pictures on MySpace. Sadly we need a new camera, because ours is having issues but hey it's old. If June goes as well as we hope then we will get a new camera to last until we can get the one I REALLY want: The Canon Rebel t1i... It's a little spendy...

While we were driving home from the store Monday morning, I expressed to Collin my concern about squirrels, and my constant fear that one day, one is gonna fall on the hood of my car while I am driving down the street. The squirrel will then latch onto my windshield wiper blade, while holding a knife in his mouth (kind of pirate style). Then once he gets his footing he would be brandishing his little squirrel knife at me in a ninja like stance.

As I was going over this fear Collin brought to my attention a way to subdue the Ninja/Pirate squirrel (I now imagine him to have an eyepatch and maybe a peg leg...). He said that if I was lucky the squirrel would be a "Fancy" and, if he was standing just right, I could squirt him in the butt with the windshield washer fluid, then I would have a friend for life. If he's not a Fancy Ninja/Pirate squirrel then I am totally hosed and he'll just be even more likely to kill me... I guess it's all a game of chance....

Now back to my slave labor... I mean day job...

Three Word You Never Want To Hear While Having Sex

"Honey! I'm Home!"

Got that in a text from one of my friends at work. Freaking hilarious/true/horrible... Take your pick of adjective.

It's Friday, do you know where your weekend is?

I do!!

Tomorrow will be chore day, Sunday will be Road Trip day, and Monday will be recovery day! Go me!

Seriously though, we are going on a nice little road trip on Sunday. The weather should be awesome and I hope to get a ton of pictures. We are gonna go south to Springfield, then head east to Oakridge, and then wind our way back north through the West Cascades, and then cut over to Sweet Home, and then come home via Stayton. It will be awesome.

When we can afford to over night somewhere (or maybe spend two nights) we want to to the Cascade Lakes Loop over by Bend and Sisters. Hopefully late summer we can.

In other news:

Today is Collin's last day at work, but he will hopefully be going back to work (in a different position/department) by the end of June. *keeping fingers crossed* He will be getting unemployment so moneywise we will be okay until he gets another job or goes back to work.

My little brother moved out of his tiny "apartment" and moved into a two bedroom house with one of his coworkers. He's happy. He has about 1 1/2 to 2 years of college left before he gets his bachelors.

My sister went in for her ultrasound yesterday and found out she is having a girl!!! I am so freaking excited! I get to spoil another baby niece! I love that I now have an excuse to look at all the cute baby girl stuff (with Cassidy I was still too young to be able to do that, not being old enough to work and all...). Plus, it's yet another baby I can spoil that isn't mine!! Woo Hoo!!

Now I just need to make it through the rest of the day and then three day weekend here I come!!

Hold Me Up Just A Little Bit Longer, I'll Be Fine I Swear

I work in a collection agency, as anyone who is paying attention knows. In our industry we are governed by the FDCPA (Fair Debt Collection Practices Act), which is a law that outlines how, when, and where we can collect past due debts from consumers. With all the new technology since the FDCPA went into effect (sometime in the seventies....), there are new methods of collecting that I think would be fun to explore...

This would more than likely be a violation of the FDCPA, but I think it would be fun if we could set up an office profile on MySpace. Then we could start befriending all of our debtors that have MySpace accounts, and send them friendly reminders that they owe us money, or that their payment is due. I think it could be fun....

While we're at it we could also buy ad space on one of the digital billboards here in Salem, and every week have a new list of people. Something that would reel people in like, "Hey! If your name is Joe Smith; Bob Brown; Tim Jones... etc. Please Call Us At 503-555-1234!" (I am not crazy... you didn't think I would post my REAL work number on here did you?) Again, this could be fun... They could think they won something.

I happened across another interesting street name, this is one I would NOT want to live on. Tidball Lane... It is interesting because of the word ball being in it. I know that is childish, but I take what I can get to make me laugh at this point (even childish toilet humor).

A good sign that you may be a little tense: Small kitchen appliances scare the crap out of you.
For example: You jump a little when the toaster pops up. Even though you are waiting for just that, it scares you a little when it happens. Or the coffee maker makes a gurgly noise (you know how they do) and you are in another room and almost do a kung-fu-ninja roll into the kitchen with your hands held like a pistol (kind of a Charlie's Angels bad ass move).

Yea, stress isn't healthy.... That's why us humans develop addictions aka coping mechanisms. I'd like to think I manage my stress in a healthy way. I don't drink in excess (nor do I drink to "feel better"), I don't do any drugs (except smoke ultra light cigarettes at work which I know is still not healthy), I have yet to "see red" and run some poor bastard over with my car (though there have been some close calls...), and I don't bottle it up anymore... I find a quiet place and stare at a wall or ceiling and process what is stressing me. I ask myself, "Is this something I have the power to change?" And if the answer to that question is yes, I find out what I can do to remedy the situation. If the answer is no, I may cry a little for lack of control and move on. If I can't control it why should I waste my energy stressing on it.

This method doesn't always work. There are still times when I get pissed off because I can't control a situation, and I can't fix what it is that is creating the situation. It's at those times I rely on my husband, and family, and friends. I know that at least one of those people will be able to talk me down from the proverbial ledge...

I got a new CD this weekend that I LOVE. It's a band that I recently started listening to more and more of their stuff and decided I needed one of their CDs. The CD is title "No Really, I'm Fine" by The Spill Canvas. I love every song on the CD so it was totally worth buying. That's how I rate my CD buying experiences, if I can listen to EVERY song then it was completely worth it, if I have to skip one or two songs, eh, still a good buy if on sale, and if I think I only like one track on the album I just don't buy it... Why waste the money?

Now I am going to go practice my mental kung-fu. (Which is mostly me daydreaming about kicking random people's asses Chuck Norris style... It's fun.)

Tuesday Is Irrelevant

I will warn in advance: There is no set point to this post, so bear with me.

Two Reasons I < 3 Michigan:

Reason Numero Uno: My best friend, along with her insanely adorable daughter, lives there. Someday I want to go out and visit her, I know it would be awesome... Of course there is always the slight chance she could move back to Oregon... (A girl can dream!)

Reason Numero Dos: Detroit... Home of my favorite hockey team, the Red Wings! Who are playing game two of the Western Conference Finals tonight against the Chicago Blackhawks. My husband has completely and successfully turned me into a Wing-Nut. Thus, another reason to want to visit Michigan so I can see a Red Wings game in person.

There is nothing good to say about Tuesday. It is the worst day of the weekend, second only to Monday. The only reason it is a smidgen above Monday is because you can say, "Well, at least it's not Monday." Wednesday is "Hump Day", you know, once you hit lunch time on Wednesday you are halfway through the work week. And, on Wednesday, you can say, "At least the day after tomorrow is Friday!" Thursday is obviously cool because: a. the next day is Friday and b. Thursday can easily become your Friday. Lastly, there is Friday, the gem of the week. The day that you know you don't have to go to work the next day. Granted, all of this is null and void if you don't work Monday thru Friday...

We started an new "Employee Incentive Bonus" program at my work yesterday. If you do well you get a half gallon of cheap vodka! Okay, okay... We do not, I repeat DO NOT, have a program like that, but I did get to take a half gallon of cheap vodka home yesterday. I figure it will be good for when we have people over (so sue me, I am stingy and don't want to give away my Absolut vodka... That shit is expensive.)

I had this oddly disturbing dream this weekend... I really truly cannot figure out what triggered the dream. I dreamt that I came home from work one day to find that all of my plants in my flower bed were GONE! In the dream I didn't feel like someone stole them, but more like someone took them away from me. All the neighbors plants were gone too! It was like someone was taking all the beautiful colors away... I felt total despair. It was weird...

And for now my brain is devoid of anything else that I feel like sharing at the moment.

Sparkling Knives Hanging From Fishing Line

It's Monday again... I hate how this day just sneaks up on me. It's gorgeous outside, and I am stuck in the office. How fucked up is that?

It was gorgeous all weekend, and almost warm enough for me to want to put the AC unit in the living room, but tomorrow it's supposed to be cooler, then only mid- to upper-seventies all week.

At least at the end of this week I have a three day weekend to look forward to.... Yay.

We went to the Saturday Market on Saturday (obviously...) and walked around looking at all the cute little crafty things people were selling. There were also some nice plants (but our flower bed is now so full we had to give away some plants as it is...). We did pick up some bagels from the Croissant & Co booth. They are sooooooo freaking good. They are more than worth the walk (we walk from our house to the market). We also found this unique wind chime made of an old sugar bowl turned upside down with little stainless steel cheese knives as the chimes (I'll post a pic eventually), and every knife handle has a different design. It makes the most interesting sound. They also had some made from spoons and forks, but the knives are what caught my attention.

I am striving to keep a positive and optimistic outlook on everything I cannot control. I am managing fairly well, but there are still those moments where I'd love nothing more than to throw my hands up in frustration (or just throw something at something...), bawl my eyes out, and be done. There are times where I wish Collin and I weren't the responsible people we are, and that we could just pack everything up and leave... Go somewhere new. But I already know it's the same everywhere. I guess I am just craving a true blue VACATION... Sadly, Spaz doesn't travel well... And I would have to give hazard pay to the poor bastard who'd be dumb enough to volunteer and feed her if we ever went on a long vacation. Maybe someday I will just invest in one of those auto feeders and an auto waterer... (Is waterer a word?)

Lately I also seem to have these moments where I just want to lash out and call anyone who gets in my way a flaming douche bag.... Not good feelings to be harboring when shopping at Walmart... Luckily I have been successful at maintaining my composure and hindering my word vomit.

Today I am wearing my happy pink top. If I could (without being considered gross) I would wear this shirt almost everyday. I love this shirt...

Tonight I am going to work out. My goal is to work out at least three nights a week. I figure I might as well make use of the workout DVDs I have that have just been collecting dust for some time. I just need to stick with it... The reward is totally worth it, I have been losing. Slowly, but still losing. That's the way I want to lose the weight, then hopefully it will be easier to maintain, because if we decide to have babies I want to be healthy enough to keep up with them, and set a good example for them to be healthy.

Now that I have pissed away some time, I am going to go do something else....

I Am Awkwardly Dancing Through Life

But I am having fun.

Question of the Day: Does Chapstick ever expire?

I have a thing of Chapstick in my desk and I know that it is getting kind of old... I really only use it when I am sick and can't breathe through my nose... Not to long ago I looked at it trying to find an expiration date, but to no avail... I should probably just toss it, but I can't bring myself to waste what could be "good" Chapstick. Such a dilemma.

Next door to my office is a chiropractor's/acupuncturist's office, and every now and then there is this guy who goes in there. Now, this shouldn't be a big thing, many people go into that office, but this one, he's special. Not like the "he needs a helmet" special, but like the "I bet he has deep-seeded psychological issues" special. Every time I see him he is wearing a little purple cape (like from a kid's Halloween costume), and last time I saw him not only did he have the cape on but he was full blown accessorizing. He had on the cape, matching purple shoes, and his freaking hair dyed to match! Hilarious in the first degree. Someday I hope to get a pic of him with my phone... He's an elusive bastard...

I watch Maury, some sick twisted part of me loves the drama of it, but I am always worried that someday I will see someone I know (like my sister...)... I also worry about that when I have the opportunity to watch Intervention on A & E. Probably an irrational fear, but it's there.

I am a patient person. At least I like to think so, but I hate waiting to hear about things. Like waiting to hear if my sister is having a boy or a girl (she goes in for the ultrasound in the next couple of weeks), or Collin waiting to hear about jobs, or any of that.... Absolutely despise waiting for news like that.... Everything else I can typically roll with.

This post really didn't have a point to it (as I am sure you can deduce from the randominity *new word* of topics) I just felt like unloading my mental slop....

You Will Feel Hope Bleeding Out From Your Pores

I am really starting to think May just isn't a good month.... The only really good thing to come from May is my best friend.... Her birthday is coming up soon! Other than that May blows... Last week was like the horrible, hellacious week that never seemed to end. Finally, Friday got here an it was a fairly good day... Until the end... Like literally.

Collin and I were finishing up watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and checking out the special features when our TV suddenly was possessed by the devil. I swear to Bob, it was crazy. The TV shut itself off, and at first I thought that it was an accident and that Collin had elbowed the TV remote that was behind his arm... Such was not the case...

We found all two of the TV remotes (one came with the TV and one for the cable box that also operates the TV) and laid them out on the table. Turned the TV on, and it then proceeded to shut itself off.....

AND THEN TURN ITSELF ON! Then shut off, then on, then off, and then began flipping through the channels (the ones on the TV not the cable box), then shut off. At this point we unplugged it and gave it a moment to gather itself...

We plugged it back in, turned it on, and it continued to freak out like some indecisive tweaker. Finally we said fuck it and decided to go to bed and look at possible replacement TV options online. We unplugged the demonic electronic and let it be for the night.

Saturday morning, before heading to the grocery store we decided to plug it in and see if leaving it be helped right whatever messed up malfunction had taken place. Collin plugged it in and the crazy thing turned itself on!! Ugh....

While at Walmart we took a gander at the TVs there, found one that was really nice but just a little bit beyond our price range given our current financial situations. We decided to think on it, we had a bunch of stuff to do that day and figured we could take a few hours to mull it over.

We finished our shopping, went home and had breakfast, came to the office and cleaned all the dust out of the computers here, and went home to have lunch. Then we went to see my awesome hair lady, LeeAnn. Both of us got our hair cut (I am going back in six weeks for more color, yay!) and we got lucky that she still had her special going so it was less than fourteen dollars for the both of us (plus her tip but I don't count that in the total).

After LeeAnn's we went back to Walmart and got the TV we had checked out that morning. It's a 32" LCD Flat Panel TV. It is really nice, and seems way too big after having only a 20" tube TV.

Collin absolutely loves the TV, so do I, but at the same time there's that nagging voice telling me, "Are you effing crazy? Considering things do you really need that TV?"

Then, Monday morning, Collin's car won't start.... Thankfully, as far as we know, it was just a dead battery, and it will be fine. But he had to take my truck yesterday, leaving me with no car. Luckily Renee was able to pick me up and her hubby gave us a ride to work, and Collin picked us up.

I'm sure there's other crap too (I almost put twoo) and I will remember it later, these were what was in the forefront of my mind at the moment....

Did you know that fallacious is a word? I sure as hell didn't....

After Thought From Zombies

I have been meaning to post this tidbit since the 27th but things just keep coming to the fore front of my mind and this just kept getting pushed to the back. I have now officially been off the soda for over a month. Yes I still miss my Pepsi and Dr Pepper occasionally (especially on days like today...), but I am proud that I have resisted the temptation to buy a two liter and chug it like a college frat boy at a kegger.... It's just been water, juice, milk, coffee and the occasional beverage of an alcohol type nature.

Now to return to one of the biggest catalysts that would make me want a soda or alcohol... My husband...

LOL, Just kidding, we all know I am talking about work.

Zombie By Friday...

I was looking in the mirror this morning while doing my make-up (I find it helpful to use a mirror for this so I don't walk out of the house looking like a clown... Or a whore...) and noticed the dark circles under my eyes were almost non-existent. Awesome right? I know that by Friday morning, when I look in the mirror I will look like a freaking zombie again... Oh well, the ongoing perils of adult hood.

This weekend was nice, and restful, and almost felt surprisingly long, then the alarm went off this morning and the weekend was over and felt way too short.

Friday night we did the grocery shopping (woohoo!), and watched The Tale of Despereaux. It was a cute movie, kind of slow going, but still cute.

Saturday we went to Corvallis and picked up my brother's old computer and hung out with him for about a half hour. His new laptop is awesome. His old computer is HUGE. Then after we got back to Salem, Collin packed up his compy and went over to Dan's house to hang out (play computer games) for the afternoon/evening. It was nice having some time to just me. I watched a movie, listened to music, doodled, read the book my brother picked up for me, and just relished in some alone time. Just as I was getting ready to crash Collin got home, so that was good timing on his part. We were going to go to lunch with Doobers and his wife on Saturday but they had a prior commitment that Doobers had forgotten about. Collin told him to let us know when it is good for them to do something at this point, because I am tired of setting up these plans just to have them not happen. I have other opinions on this but they are just that, opinions.

Sunday we ran a couple quick errands, and then just chilled the rest of the day. We watched our Detroit game (they sadly lost by one point in the third overtime period) It was an awesome game, the point that brought the game to a tie was scored in the first part of the third period, then it went into a triple sudden death overtime. It was awesome, but sucked when our team lost. The next game is Tuesday night. *fingers crossed* After the game we watched Saw V which was a gruesome as the previous four movies. Oh, for dinner I made a really awesome pork roast in the slow cooker stuffed with onions, garlic, and tomatoes. It was delicious. With the left over juices I made an awesome tomato sauce to go with the tortellini we had. I really need to start writing this shit down when I make it... Especially if it turns out good.

Today is Monday again... Which means back to work...

Ugh.