Shrinkage and Expansion

I'll just tell you now that this is mostly going to be going on and on about how I am feeling today and other random observations tied to these sensations.

 

Today has been one of those days where I feel HUGE. I feel as though she has doubled in size overnight and is taking up much more space than she should. My appetite is limited to what seems a tiny, tiny stomach today. I am even finding it difficult to consume my normal volume of water.

 

Normally at work I drink anywhere from four to five twenty four ounce tumblers of water along with my cup o' decaf brought from home. I think I maybe took in three and the coffee. I am not concerned with dehydration as I know I am still taking in more than enough fluids.

 

As for food consumption; I've noticed in the last week or so I might have one snack between breakfast (5am) and lunch (12:30pm) and then nothing until dinner (5:30pm). I guess I should clarify that all three meals are small to begin with because I prefer small meals and snacks to maintain energy and blood sugar and such. Of course in the same breath, there have been a couple random instances where I am ravenously hungry and feel like there is a bottomless pit where my shrinking stomach once resided.

 

I attribute most all of the above to my ever shifting and growing parasite. And today has been far from the exception.

 

I feel like she is in there sprawled out like some Vitruvian baby. There is just not enough room. If it wouldn't look odd I would have spent the day reclining in my desk chair at work. As I type this now I flash forward to the next two and a half months when she will be tripling in size and just think, "Ugh."

 

This is the first day of the pregnancy that I am really feeling "pregnant." I feel huge and slow, and I know it's just an uphill battle from here. I am hoping as I continue to walk and be active these days will be just that, random days of feeling "off", but I am expecting it to slowly become the norm.

 

As October has descended upon me, the knowledge that December is the month after next is very shallow in my mind. Being in September made it seem like December was still miles away, but now we find ourselves at October first and December is looming large and fast on the horizon. This isn't a matter of fear, but rather one of excitement.

 

The idea of welcoming my little girl into the world is both overwhelming and immense, but in all the best ways possible. I don't have that apprehension (that I had expected to have) of whether or not I will know what I am doing. I am just stoked to be sharing this experience with my (I try not to spout this term off to often) soul mate. I have no doubt in my mind that he will be a truly amazing and wonderful father to our child(ren; we plan on having another). I am confident that we will be an amazing parental team.

 

The biggest fear I have is actually quite funny from an outside perspective, but I have been over everything in my mind repeatedly and this truly is my biggest fear:

How will my training and fitness goals potentially affect my milk supply?

That right there is the biggest concern for the immediate future. I really want/need to get back into my fitness routine, but I do not want to jeopardize my ability to feed my little monster. This is something I know I will need to speak to my doctor about, and I have every intention of doing so. Is it weird that this is my biggest concern as a first time mom?

 

I don't fear dropping the baby; Collin will probably be the one to do that. LOL. (Just kidding, babe!)

 

I am not worried about whether I will have a peaceful baby versus a cranky one; she could go either way at the drop of a hat just like any other baby.

 

I am really not scared of the delivery. I am aware of all the potential issues that one can face, and I know about all the different uncomfortable possibilities. The sick part is that I am kind of looking forward to the experience just to have my own version of it. Since being preggo I have heard numerous delivery stories; from super easy to absolutely dreadful.

 

I am not worried about the financial implications of having the new baby. They are to be expected, and I (being hyper organized) have already made those adjustments for when the time comes.

 

I am not scared of the first night home. I will probably be too exhausted/excited to sleep anyways.

 

I don't fear stretch marks; I already have a full set! My tummy skin is also conveniently pre-stretched from having been so badly overweight.

 

I don't fear whether or not my significant other will still find me attractive. I know how much he loves me and the attraction he feels for me is boundless.

 

I am seriously only concerned with whether or not I will be able to supply milk for my child for the duration I want to. There is always a chance I won't ever, and I know that it is no reflection on me as a woman or a mother. But, dammit, I have to carry these bitches around all the time so they damn well better serve their purpose! LOL.

 

I don't even know where this post has ended up at this point... I have gone off on this crazy preggo rant. Oh well, I'm entitled and need to take advantage of this once and a while before I'm not pregnant anymore. 

It's the first so I am going to pay some bills now... Yay! 

 

In closing I shall leave you with this:

 

HOCKEY STARTED TODAY!!! Go Red Wings!!!