The War of "Good" and "Evil"

In my current personal journey the good is the mindful healthy choices I make and the evil is all the mindless indulgences, no not indulgences, consumption. I find that there are certain points where I struggle with this fine line more than others.

There is a constant war in my mind between the healthy woman emerging and the fat chick in the corner. More and more the healthy woman is winning, but there are still these lapses where I swear the fat chick ties her up in the corner to make her watch while I over indulge in unearned and unnecessary "treats." Basically I catch myself mindlessly eating and there is this voice in my head screaming, "Why? Why are you doing this? What are you doing to me?"

It's sad and scary.

I recently read a blog post from another woman who has traveled a very similar and parallel road to the one I am on. She hit her goal, more or less, but she still struggles with the same situations I find myself in. She still sees the her from the start, and she too recognizes that there is no end. Ever. The best I can ever hope for is to continue and maintain. Even once I hit my goal I will still have to maintain all the results. There will never be a day where the above battle isn't happening within me.

Every now and again, when I am in my darkest of places, the fat chick begs me to give in, just give up, I will never win.

But then I have these amazing glorious moments. An amazing work out. My pants fit a little looser. I can chase my daughter without running out of breath. The healthy woman exalts. She screams from the mountain top that she is alive, she is strong and she is damn well going to win this battle. She is stronger than the fat chick could ever hope to be.

Ever.

The triumphs of the healthy woman can be seen in our summer adventures.

Today was our second visit to the Oregon Zoo. We are members so we can go whenever for free. We've gone twice in just over a month. Both visits were great weather and since the wee one hadn't had any shots today (she had her 18 month check up last time we went) she was able to walk probably about a third of the zoo. She loves it. We practically had to drag her from the lion exhibit today. She was mesmerized.

She is also infatuated with the cheetahs (any big cat really), the bears, the giraffes and the elephants. Okay, so she is mostly infatuated with the entire zoo. Below is a picture from the first visit. The cheetahs were sleeping right by the viewing glass. She wanted to say, "Hi." A lot.

Today the cheetah was also laying there, but it was awake. When it yawned and rolled over we were certain it might startle our little zoologist (I mean it's a big kitty with a big mouth and some large teeth). She wasn't phased.

Another awesome summer adventure was our outing to Silver Falls State Park. She was enthralled by the waterfall (South Falls), but once we got to the point where we were to go behind the falls she had a complete meltdown. Someday we will make it the whole way around the little loop from the top around the bottom and back up. It was a beautiful morning with the temps in the low seventies.

After our halfway hike little miss enjoyed a half hour straight of going down the slide in the shaded, deserted play ground near the swimming area. It was thirty minutes of her chanting, "Slide, slide, slide...."

She is growing so fast.

I've decided to get an undercut next time I am in my stylist's chair. I think this will help me maintain my sanity while I am growing my hair out. It's just getting to be past shoulder length. My goal is to grow it to at least between my shoulder blades. There is something I want to do with it color-wise that I need length for it to look how I want it. Plus there are some hairstyles I'd like to try out as well. So as much as I hate my hair sometimes, I am going to push through. I think the biggest issue is the fact that it is summertime and warm.

Tomorrow morning I am going to hit the gym. I get the best high from my workouts. Last night was awesome. three and a half miles on the elliptical in forty minutes, followed by thirty reps each on the inward and outward hip abduction machines at 170 lbs. Then thirty reps on the leg press at 170 lbs. and then the machines that make up the 30-minute express circuit. I felt so great afterwards. I wish I could find a way to hold onto that feeling between workouts. I could see myself easily becoming a gym junkie if there was one closer than where I go.

Now to drink the rest of my detox tea and watch some anime