After much lollygagging and internal debate I rolled out of bed at 5:30 this morning. My alarm was set for 5am... Oops. I pulled on my cropped compression pants, socks, sports bra and sleeveless shirt. I pulled my hair back into a slick ponytail and made my way down the stairs.
With only the vaguest hint of uncertainty I laced my shoes, slapped on my ankle reflector and pulled my fleece quarter-zip over my head. I strolled into the kitchen. Dammit, I forgot to empty our reusable coffee pod from last night. I tap the used grounds out and rinse it before placing it in the drying rack. The coffee maker is doing it magical heat up sequence as I grab one of the spare pods and level a scoop and a half of decaf into it.
We agreed to switch to decaf at the new years because caffeine was becoming a crutch. I've also cut out sugar from my cup o' joe.
I start my cup of coffee and with only the slightest bit of resignation step into the living room where I proceed to do about twenty jumping jacks. I ponder what my brother said last week at Christmas. "Aren't jumping jacks kind of hard on you joints? Like jarring a lot?" Truth be told, they might be, but they do their job and I do mine.
My limbs wake up. My heart starts pumping. My brain has already began production of the endorphins that I will ride upon through the rest of the day. I head for the front door. I remember the discussion from last night, "What's the temp supposed to be like at 6am?"
"Oh, about 28 but feel like 21."
Joy.
I pull on my gloves and put on one of my head wrap things as a scarf/mask. I put the second one on; covering my ears and the shaved underside of my hair. I pull on my windbreaker and zip it up to the top. Finally, I add my strobe light reflector bands - one on each arm just above the elbow. One last eye drop as I reflect on the doctor's comments about how people don't realize it is so much drier in the winter time, even if it's raining, because of the cold air.
The dead bolt slides from the frame and into the door. I step over the threshold and the cold instantly slaps my face and whips around my exposed shins. Luckily it is only the lower third - half of my shins and calves that are exposed.
I start walking. I marvel at the crisp dryness in the air. It's so clear out. Even with a half moon and the ambient light of this sleep town I see a million stars. The wind is whipping around trees and buildings. Howling out of the east like daggers of dry ice.
Before I realize it I am at the top of the hill and on the border of our neighborhood. Damn, I had meant to run up the hill, but I was so distracted by the glittering beauty of the sky. I cross the road and pick up the pace. I only run through the shadows. It's not out of fear, it just happens to be a perfect pace marker. As I hit each crosswalk I walk and slow my breathing. The moment I am past the street lamp post on the other side I run. I alternate like this until I am away from the town homes and in the odd void between our neighborhood and an industrial area. My goal? The police station. It's the end of the road.
As I lose the wind break afforded me by the town homes I feel the wind begin to tug at my ponytail and push at my back. "This will be fun on the way back." I think as I look at the flags whipping in the wind, never offering a moments respite for the material.
I hit the end of the road and turn into the wind. Its presence so much more obvious as I run against it. Rather than the cold encouragement at my back it is frozen fingers tearing at me. I pull my mask up and my headband down. Maybe goggles would be nice for runs like this. The air is like a ceaseless current around my ankles, the exposed skin reacting, but at this point not necessarily recognizing the true temperature of the air. Lotion will be needed to prevent my sensitive skin from drying out.
I push myself until I am back in the safety of the town homes shadows. They ease the wind's pressure ever so slightly.
I reach the top of the hill and make my way down. As I run the last half block I look up at the sky and thank myself for taking the time to do this.
I reach the porch and stop for a moment to stretch out my calves and most importantly my plantar fascia. The last thing I want is for that to act up.
I walk back into the house just as my wonderful partner is going to retrieve our tiny demon from her bed. Time to make pancakes and see what the rest of this amazing day has in store.
I hope you enjoyed this peak inside my brain. I don't knnow how I managed to hold onto this while we ran errands and I cleaned the carpet, but here it is. Now for a quick power nap before we head off to a little shindig.
Friday, January 1, 2016
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Change - My Pulse Has Flat Lined
As the final minutes of yet another year slip through the fingertips of humanity I find myself pondering these past 365 days. I think of that song, you know, the one from RENT.
Ultimately, I got what I wanted from 2015. Even with the hiccups and the blurred weeks of the last however many weeks it's been since I last posted. Obviously I am rusty as my fingers stumble liked tired fools over the keys of my now unfamiliar laptop.
Details are unnecessary as the events themselves are now being archived and filed away for future reference. I found myself lazy and detached while dealing with some medical issue (my eye), family drama and furthering my career development via leadership training.
Unlike years gone by this final post of the year will focus more on the future and not so much the past. I will say this much, as mentioned above, I got exactly what I wanted:
No drastic changes.
We did not change residences. We did not change jobs. We did not change cars. We did not change. That in and of itself may be as big of a curse as it was a blessing.
The best part of all this no change stuff? We were able to grow. Contradictory, I know, but it is true. Without the turmoil I associate with change we were able to focus on ourselves and our family.We were able to focus on our future and really take time to think about what we want to see in that future. So, more than anything, this last year of stability and tedium was a chance to breathe and focus and clear our minds.
I am ready for this new year. Bring it on, 2016! I expect you to be full of changes and shifts and adjustments and everything. I am as rested as I will ever be and ready. I have a toddler so my patience has been fine tuned in the last couple months.
What do we have planned for this year? You will have to wait and see. I promise not to disappoint.
The first change will be to this page. I think it's time for another face lift.
Sleep well whenever it is you decide to call it a night. Know that tomorrow is a whole new day. Seize it. Own it. Make it count.
Happy New Years, mother fuckers!
Ultimately, I got what I wanted from 2015. Even with the hiccups and the blurred weeks of the last however many weeks it's been since I last posted. Obviously I am rusty as my fingers stumble liked tired fools over the keys of my now unfamiliar laptop.
Details are unnecessary as the events themselves are now being archived and filed away for future reference. I found myself lazy and detached while dealing with some medical issue (my eye), family drama and furthering my career development via leadership training.
Unlike years gone by this final post of the year will focus more on the future and not so much the past. I will say this much, as mentioned above, I got exactly what I wanted:
No drastic changes.
We did not change residences. We did not change jobs. We did not change cars. We did not change. That in and of itself may be as big of a curse as it was a blessing.
The best part of all this no change stuff? We were able to grow. Contradictory, I know, but it is true. Without the turmoil I associate with change we were able to focus on ourselves and our family.We were able to focus on our future and really take time to think about what we want to see in that future. So, more than anything, this last year of stability and tedium was a chance to breathe and focus and clear our minds.
I am ready for this new year. Bring it on, 2016! I expect you to be full of changes and shifts and adjustments and everything. I am as rested as I will ever be and ready. I have a toddler so my patience has been fine tuned in the last couple months.
What do we have planned for this year? You will have to wait and see. I promise not to disappoint.
The first change will be to this page. I think it's time for another face lift.
Sleep well whenever it is you decide to call it a night. Know that tomorrow is a whole new day. Seize it. Own it. Make it count.
Happy New Years, mother fuckers!
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Leadership Takes A Lot of Creativity
Seriously.
I have bi-weekly classes for my leadership academy. I am thankful they are not more frequent solely because of the amount of creativity required to be awesome.
October... Can you believe it? Freaking October already. Hell, we are a whole week in as of today. I still need to put together our costumes for Halloween. At least I know what we are doing for the costumes and I even have all the supplies. I also know what I am doing for Collin's birthday cake. Always a key event in October.
Three years ago today Collin and I were in Omaha meeting his little sister, her (now) fiance and their adorable son. It's mind boggling how it seems like it has been so much longer than three years, but feels like it wasn't that long ago. Time has begun to flow in strange currents.
Next summer we will be making the road trip out again, but this time we will have our tiny human in tow. I can't wait.
Two nights before we reached Nebraska eastern Wyoming and western Nebraska had just experienced their first snow of the season. Crazy to think of as an Oregonian, especially when this fall has been so mild and gorgeous. When we reached that part of the state it was in the mid-twenties and snow covered the landscape. It was breath taking.
The next morning dawned a frigid 17 degrees in Cheyenne, but nonetheless we made our way through Cheyenne and on towards Omaha.This was an amazing trip for so many reasons, but the main reason was Collin meeting his little sister, who until five years ago we had no idea even existed.
After breakfast it was only an hour or so to the state line.
I think that first night in Omaha will always be a strong memory for us. I wish the miles between us were seconds instead of hours. After next year's visit I think we are going to try and make it out there every other year if not more often.
Family is a precious gift.
Why it took me until my late twenties to fully understand that, I will never know. I try a little harder now to be wherever there is now. I try to be present. I'm sure becoming a mom had something to do with it.
Now I am going to space out and watch some anime.
Maybe next time I will post about our newest trial. Or I'll forget and post something totally off the wall.
We'll see...
I have bi-weekly classes for my leadership academy. I am thankful they are not more frequent solely because of the amount of creativity required to be awesome.
October... Can you believe it? Freaking October already. Hell, we are a whole week in as of today. I still need to put together our costumes for Halloween. At least I know what we are doing for the costumes and I even have all the supplies. I also know what I am doing for Collin's birthday cake. Always a key event in October.
Three years ago today Collin and I were in Omaha meeting his little sister, her (now) fiance and their adorable son. It's mind boggling how it seems like it has been so much longer than three years, but feels like it wasn't that long ago. Time has begun to flow in strange currents.
Next summer we will be making the road trip out again, but this time we will have our tiny human in tow. I can't wait.
Two nights before we reached Nebraska eastern Wyoming and western Nebraska had just experienced their first snow of the season. Crazy to think of as an Oregonian, especially when this fall has been so mild and gorgeous. When we reached that part of the state it was in the mid-twenties and snow covered the landscape. It was breath taking.
The next morning dawned a frigid 17 degrees in Cheyenne, but nonetheless we made our way through Cheyenne and on towards Omaha.This was an amazing trip for so many reasons, but the main reason was Collin meeting his little sister, who until five years ago we had no idea even existed.
After breakfast it was only an hour or so to the state line.
I think that first night in Omaha will always be a strong memory for us. I wish the miles between us were seconds instead of hours. After next year's visit I think we are going to try and make it out there every other year if not more often.
Family is a precious gift.
Why it took me until my late twenties to fully understand that, I will never know. I try a little harder now to be wherever there is now. I try to be present. I'm sure becoming a mom had something to do with it.
Now I am going to space out and watch some anime.
Maybe next time I will post about our newest trial. Or I'll forget and post something totally off the wall.
We'll see...
Saturday, September 26, 2015
...And The Dead Will Rise
I am exhausted. So much so that I just spelled exhausted the first time I typed it and it took a second for me to figure out what was wrong with it. I came upstairs with the intent to turn in early and try to recover some of the lost hours of sleep. Getting up for school on a Saturday is a sick joke, but we'll get there. After all, until the beginning of this month I was doing that to go to the gym.
Here I lounge with my laptop warming my legs beneath my comforter. I finally found the pattern breaks in my duvet cover and now they are glaringly obvious to me. It bothers me immensely and I want to get a new duvet cover, but I will live for now.
I'm wearing Collin's Portland Winter Hawks thermal. I think at this point it is mine since I am the one that wears it all the time. Only around the house though. I won't wear it in public. I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea and lead them to believe I am a *gasp* Chicago fan. Blah! Bleck! NEVER! Detroit, baby!
I can't get the brightness on my screen to adjust... This light is kind of killing me. The thoughts though, there are so many thoughts and memories and experiences floating around that I am trying to save that I haven't been able to share with you. After today I know now that I need to free up the space on my hard drive, so come hell or high water I need to find the time to spew out this rubbish. More for me than anything, but I still hope you all find some solace and humor in it all.
We'll rewind a bit, but I am only going over the high level crap. If I feel like going into more detail I will write another post about that specific thing. The only thing I might really get into tonight is why I haven't been on here (it ties into why my laptop's lack of brightness adjustment is pissing me off).
Our tenth wedding anniversary was last month. Collin had it planned for the last three year, no joke, since before the wee one was even on the horizon. It was a wonderful weekend. Day one was coffee and shopping with my best friend and lunch. Then Collin and I went downtown for some black light miniature golf (this was an unknown to me so I was wearing heels and a dress which was WAY out of the box for me), followed by happy hour and then dinner. Between the main course and dessert Collin got down on one knee in the middle of the restaurant and asked me to marry him again. Got me all misty eyed. Day two was tattoos with the unfortunate mix of the little monster going exorcist mode so we had to get her from daycare early but timing it all worked out. I got tatted first while he picked the bugger up and then we switched off. The new tattoo is epicly nerdy and translates to the following:
I <3 nbsp="" p="" u="">(I love you more)
The pic is first day after so it was still swollen; it's around my wrist like a cuff bracelet.
Day three was hair and nails. I got the undercut I have been dreaming off and we threw some purple into the blond. One last purple hurrah before I bid it adieu for a while. Too many people have it, and too much of my clothing "matches." Day four was meant to be a trip to the county fair but with all the smoke from the summer fires in Oregon it just wasn't a good idea to spend the day outside.
As I shared I don't know when, I have been dealing with an uncomfortable and weird eye issue. Well, the last weekend of August I had a horribly bad episode. I was an idiot and forgot to put my ointment in after staying up way too fucking late. The next morning (if you can call three a.m. that) I woke up in agony. My eye was this burning hole of Hades in my face. I couldn't open it without sobbing. Me being the stubborn shit I am thought I could sleep it off. So I stayed in bed. Normally these little episodes would resolve within a few hours. Not this one. I went to urgent care, but given the nature of my case there was naught they could do for me other than put a eye patch style gauze bandage on me and give me a note excusing me from work until my appointment with ophthalmology (I've got really good at spelling that now) on Tuesday. The rest of Sunday was hell. Monday was only mildly better. Tuesday I still didn't want to open my eye, but I did for the ophthalmologist. What killed me was them asking me to do a vision test.... I could barely stand to open my damn eye let alone try and use it.
Standard procedure I know. Anyways, my super doctor took one look at me eye and saw that I was in deep trouble. I had come terrifyingly close to completely detaching the first layer of my cornea this time. She had to numb my eye and do some "clean up" around the edges to help my cornea try and reattach and then she put a contact lens bandage in place. I got some new eye drops and a note saying no worky until I spoke to the corneal specialist the next day.
This was for the best since once the numbing wore off my eye was throbbing. Can you imagine that sensation? Your eye throbbing. Not like headache style, I mean like new tattoo/deep flesh wound throbbing. You know the sensation I mean, right? Yea, imagine that in your goddamn eye. I spent the majority of the day in bed. The next morning I felt a little better. I mean I could open my goddamn eye without screaming so that was good.
I saw the corneal specialist and he noted that it had begun to heal and he didn't want to remove the bandage but he wanted to see me back at the end of the month with a lens change in between. He also released me for work.
This past week has been the first week I have not needed to see my eye care team. The week after all this I needed to get my contact changed due to protein build up; it felt like there was a hair stuck in my eye. Last week my contact was pinching, but the corneal dude didn't want to take it off because the whole point of it is to keep the lens in place and keep the cornea protected. I go in on Tuesday for my follow up. I am praying that this lens bandage thing is working. I really don't want to have surgery on my eye.
Outside of this wonderful experience, work has been hell. So much change, and I know some of it will bring about amazingly good things, but some of it is down right crushing. Thank god for my home life. As I alluded to above, we cancelled our gym memberships in favor of using the fitness center at work as needed. It's not quite as far and well, it's free. We've also cut back on other things in order to start saving up for some big ticket things. Also, we are still recovering from the engine rebuild in Collin's car. It helps to have firm goals in mind though, and a partner sharing the vision. Good way to stay on track. So we nixed the gym in favor of family walks in the evenings after work. The princess loves them. More and more she is wanting out of her strolled to walk and explore. We are encouraging as we want her to continue to this independent path.
We have also been getting back to some very, very light gaming. By light I mean Minecraft a couple nights a week. I think we are going to check out Skyforge soon.
Oh yea, so the reason I need to clear the cache in my head:
I got accepted to my company's leadership program. It's nine wonderful months of spending every other Saturday in a room with my peers from throughout my company learning how to be effective and inspiring leaders. This is in line with my career development plan. Okay, so there's only ten of us including me, but still. Today was the first day and it was quite interesting. We shall see how this goes and what amazing takeaways I get from it.
I'm sure I have a million other things to tell you about, but my goal was to get to bed early and it's now a quarter past ten.
You'll hear from me again soon. I want to go into detail about the anniversary dinner date. It was AMAZING.
Have a safe night! (PS I didn't proof read this, so bite me.)
Here I lounge with my laptop warming my legs beneath my comforter. I finally found the pattern breaks in my duvet cover and now they are glaringly obvious to me. It bothers me immensely and I want to get a new duvet cover, but I will live for now.
I'm wearing Collin's Portland Winter Hawks thermal. I think at this point it is mine since I am the one that wears it all the time. Only around the house though. I won't wear it in public. I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea and lead them to believe I am a *gasp* Chicago fan. Blah! Bleck! NEVER! Detroit, baby!
I can't get the brightness on my screen to adjust... This light is kind of killing me. The thoughts though, there are so many thoughts and memories and experiences floating around that I am trying to save that I haven't been able to share with you. After today I know now that I need to free up the space on my hard drive, so come hell or high water I need to find the time to spew out this rubbish. More for me than anything, but I still hope you all find some solace and humor in it all.
We'll rewind a bit, but I am only going over the high level crap. If I feel like going into more detail I will write another post about that specific thing. The only thing I might really get into tonight is why I haven't been on here (it ties into why my laptop's lack of brightness adjustment is pissing me off).
Our tenth wedding anniversary was last month. Collin had it planned for the last three year, no joke, since before the wee one was even on the horizon. It was a wonderful weekend. Day one was coffee and shopping with my best friend and lunch. Then Collin and I went downtown for some black light miniature golf (this was an unknown to me so I was wearing heels and a dress which was WAY out of the box for me), followed by happy hour and then dinner. Between the main course and dessert Collin got down on one knee in the middle of the restaurant and asked me to marry him again. Got me all misty eyed. Day two was tattoos with the unfortunate mix of the little monster going exorcist mode so we had to get her from daycare early but timing it all worked out. I got tatted first while he picked the bugger up and then we switched off. The new tattoo is epicly nerdy and translates to the following:
I <3 nbsp="" p="" u="">(I love you more)
The pic is first day after so it was still swollen; it's around my wrist like a cuff bracelet.
Day three was hair and nails. I got the undercut I have been dreaming off and we threw some purple into the blond. One last purple hurrah before I bid it adieu for a while. Too many people have it, and too much of my clothing "matches." Day four was meant to be a trip to the county fair but with all the smoke from the summer fires in Oregon it just wasn't a good idea to spend the day outside.
As I shared I don't know when, I have been dealing with an uncomfortable and weird eye issue. Well, the last weekend of August I had a horribly bad episode. I was an idiot and forgot to put my ointment in after staying up way too fucking late. The next morning (if you can call three a.m. that) I woke up in agony. My eye was this burning hole of Hades in my face. I couldn't open it without sobbing. Me being the stubborn shit I am thought I could sleep it off. So I stayed in bed. Normally these little episodes would resolve within a few hours. Not this one. I went to urgent care, but given the nature of my case there was naught they could do for me other than put a eye patch style gauze bandage on me and give me a note excusing me from work until my appointment with ophthalmology (I've got really good at spelling that now) on Tuesday. The rest of Sunday was hell. Monday was only mildly better. Tuesday I still didn't want to open my eye, but I did for the ophthalmologist. What killed me was them asking me to do a vision test.... I could barely stand to open my damn eye let alone try and use it.
Standard procedure I know. Anyways, my super doctor took one look at me eye and saw that I was in deep trouble. I had come terrifyingly close to completely detaching the first layer of my cornea this time. She had to numb my eye and do some "clean up" around the edges to help my cornea try and reattach and then she put a contact lens bandage in place. I got some new eye drops and a note saying no worky until I spoke to the corneal specialist the next day.
This was for the best since once the numbing wore off my eye was throbbing. Can you imagine that sensation? Your eye throbbing. Not like headache style, I mean like new tattoo/deep flesh wound throbbing. You know the sensation I mean, right? Yea, imagine that in your goddamn eye. I spent the majority of the day in bed. The next morning I felt a little better. I mean I could open my goddamn eye without screaming so that was good.
I saw the corneal specialist and he noted that it had begun to heal and he didn't want to remove the bandage but he wanted to see me back at the end of the month with a lens change in between. He also released me for work.
This past week has been the first week I have not needed to see my eye care team. The week after all this I needed to get my contact changed due to protein build up; it felt like there was a hair stuck in my eye. Last week my contact was pinching, but the corneal dude didn't want to take it off because the whole point of it is to keep the lens in place and keep the cornea protected. I go in on Tuesday for my follow up. I am praying that this lens bandage thing is working. I really don't want to have surgery on my eye.
Outside of this wonderful experience, work has been hell. So much change, and I know some of it will bring about amazingly good things, but some of it is down right crushing. Thank god for my home life. As I alluded to above, we cancelled our gym memberships in favor of using the fitness center at work as needed. It's not quite as far and well, it's free. We've also cut back on other things in order to start saving up for some big ticket things. Also, we are still recovering from the engine rebuild in Collin's car. It helps to have firm goals in mind though, and a partner sharing the vision. Good way to stay on track. So we nixed the gym in favor of family walks in the evenings after work. The princess loves them. More and more she is wanting out of her strolled to walk and explore. We are encouraging as we want her to continue to this independent path.
We have also been getting back to some very, very light gaming. By light I mean Minecraft a couple nights a week. I think we are going to check out Skyforge soon.
Oh yea, so the reason I need to clear the cache in my head:
I got accepted to my company's leadership program. It's nine wonderful months of spending every other Saturday in a room with my peers from throughout my company learning how to be effective and inspiring leaders. This is in line with my career development plan. Okay, so there's only ten of us including me, but still. Today was the first day and it was quite interesting. We shall see how this goes and what amazing takeaways I get from it.
I'm sure I have a million other things to tell you about, but my goal was to get to bed early and it's now a quarter past ten.
You'll hear from me again soon. I want to go into detail about the anniversary dinner date. It was AMAZING.
Have a safe night! (PS I didn't proof read this, so bite me.)
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
When Did That Become Optional?
I'm looking forward tomorrow with a mix of motivation and trepidation. It'll be day two of fasting for this week. I am motivated because Monday really wasn't that bad and it was a challenge that I was able to beat. I am anxious because... I don't know. I really have no valid reason to be nervous.
I guess this is proof of our innate ability to be our own worst enemy. I know I can survive and feel good through tomorrow's fasting, so why be nervous?
Just typing that little bit was very therapeutic for me.
Here's my rant for the week. Okay, maybe just today. And, it really isn't a rant, more of an observation of great annoyance.
In the two hundred to three hundred miles of driving I do in an average week to and from work, the gym, the store, and outings on the weekend I am noticing more and more people who don't seem to have turn signals on their cars. I mean, I'm sure if they had them they'd use them, right? Right?!
Just a gentle reminder to the world at large:
I guess this is proof of our innate ability to be our own worst enemy. I know I can survive and feel good through tomorrow's fasting, so why be nervous?
Just typing that little bit was very therapeutic for me.
Here's my rant for the week. Okay, maybe just today. And, it really isn't a rant, more of an observation of great annoyance.
In the two hundred to three hundred miles of driving I do in an average week to and from work, the gym, the store, and outings on the weekend I am noticing more and more people who don't seem to have turn signals on their cars. I mean, I'm sure if they had them they'd use them, right? Right?!
Just a gentle reminder to the world at large:
It is not rocket science.
You want to turn a direction other than the one in which the road you are on is traveling? You effing indicate!
Changing lanes? Pretty much a fantastic idea for you to signal.
You are turning left in the left turn only lane, YOU STILL USE YOUR SIGNAL!
You're turning out of a parking lot? YOU STILL NEED TO INDICATE!
This is a pretty basic rule of the driving world... It is so strongly ingrained in me that I apologize to whomever is listening (even if I am alone in the car) if I forget to signal. Hell, I even signal when it is unnecessary some times. Mainly, if I am going around a 90° corner (common in the surrounding farm areas).
You may be wondering why it is such a reflex for me, well, when I was younger I was pulled over for failure to signal... The cop didn't care that I turned off without signaling because I was a little shaken by the ass hat that almost side swiped me.... Neither here nor there.
Friday I will give you the highlights of tomorrow's fasting and how it feels after my workout (tomorrow is my gym night, Monday was Collin's).
Now to play some Need for Speed (much cheaper than a ticket).
Monday, August 10, 2015
This Will Either Be a Glorious Experience or a Horrific Experiment
As I have shared for a few months now, I have been stuck on the scale. Seeing only the slightest improvements by eating regularly (I think I discussed how we had virtually stopped eating at work and then would over eat in the evenings; if I didn't well there's the cliff notes version of it).
I physically feel myself becoming slimmer and have eye witness commentary (because they are always reliable), but the scale's mind is slow to change. A pound this month, a few ounces here, nothing as substantial as the effort I feel I am putting in. Which is a recipe for a disastrous back slide.
I have a co-worker who has been steadily slimming down. She is already slender but with her petite frame and being towards middle age noticed she was developing a bit of a tummy. She is big into natural and organics and energy and so on. She started doing intermittent fasting; commonly this is called the 5:2 diet, but as you know, I LOATHE the word diet. I am going to refer to it as the 5:2 method or IF (intermittent fasting) method.
She has been singing its praise for months. I kind of shrugged it off the way I do when people start going on about what sounds like a fad diet. Then another gal in the office decided she wants to try it so lady A brought the book for this methodology in for lady B. Since it was floating around I asked if I could borrow the book. I wanted to give this thing a read.
I did. I read the whole thing in less than a week. I may be gullible, but I am sold. The science behind the method is fairly sound (though I can guarantee there is something out there that will argue against it) and the various trials really peeked my interest. Further more the lab results on participants blood work and the improvements on their body compositions is astounding.
Being a nerd, the biological and chemical side of this whole practice has me bouncing off the walls.
I am just going to give you the bare bones premise of the methodology and if you find it as interesting as I did you can check out their website and book here: The Fast Diet.
The idea is that for five of the seven days of the week, you eat a normal, balanced diet; with the occasional treats and so on. The remaining two days of the week you only consume 25% of your "feed" day calories. So, as a woman you'd eat around 2,000 calories a day, five days a week and then only consume ~500 calories two days a week. Everyone's opinion on the when to consume the calories is different, but the common thread is to basically fast. If you need a definition of what it is to fast check out the wiki page here: Fasting.
Many religions fast in one form or another for various reasons. Again, for the in depth check out the site and so on. The main difference I find with this compared to all the various fad diet babble I have heard is that it is completely flexible and sustainable.
All this I could go on and on about, but it's not for me to convince any one else to try this crazy thing. It's for you. As I experience this super fun method I will share my results and notes. That is one thing they strongly suggest is taking little notes, ESPECIALLY on the fasting days. That is just what I did, today, my first official fasting day. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach this; I was prepared to need to have a light snack (granny smith apple) if I absolutely needed it. But I didn't and it felt GREAT.
The following are the notes I jotted down throughout the day:
9:30A - I feel hungry and "shaky" but I think it's a mental thing. More water and tea.
10:15A - Feel surprisingly focused and alert. No hunger pangs. Just made some herbal tea (passion and orange) to cool and pour over ice once black tea is gone.
11:45A - Lunch hour is upon us and I feel a little intimidated. Looking forward to our walk in 30 minutes.
12:47P - Lunch walk = great. C struggling with the hungries. Asked if he was writing anything down when it was overpowering, he said no. Wished he'd known how it helped earlier. He had an apple. Told him that's fine. He gets 100 calories more a day than me anyways. Zen tea brewed and cooling.
1:15P - Realize going to Pinterest is/would be a bad idea on FD (fast day). Luckily before going to it!
Small victory
2:05P - Struggling, not sure with what. Just feeling my mind screaming for all sorts. Not emotional... I think. I can make it. 3 hours +/- until a delicious dinner. Just need to finish work! IPO here I come.
3:55P - I DID IT!!
Then we came home, bathed the gremlin and had a deliciously wonderful dinner. I made a light soup with the leftover pad thai veggies from last night. Edamame, broccoli, zucchini, red bell peppers and tofu in chicken broth (seasoned by the leftover sauce from last night and some ginger). It was soooo good.
Now the real struggle: to make it to bed without snacking. I can do this...
Our plan is to fast Mondays and Thursdays (they also are the most common days). Once we reach our goals we will switch to a 6:1 method. Obviously, when we get preggo this will be 100% on hold. It is not healthy to repeatedly fast while trying to grow a human.
As I start to see results (or lack there of) I will be sure to share with you. I will also share my notes as we go from most of the fast days unless it's super boring such as repeatedly writing pickle... Ha!
I will not be giving up my Thursday gym night, plenty of people fast and are still active. We each have one gym night affected by the fasting so it is balanced. We'll see how this goes.
As always, you are welcome to leave your thoughts below. Am I crazy? Have you ever tried something similar? What ever you want.
Now for some tea and anime. *smiles*
I physically feel myself becoming slimmer and have eye witness commentary (because they are always reliable), but the scale's mind is slow to change. A pound this month, a few ounces here, nothing as substantial as the effort I feel I am putting in. Which is a recipe for a disastrous back slide.
I have a co-worker who has been steadily slimming down. She is already slender but with her petite frame and being towards middle age noticed she was developing a bit of a tummy. She is big into natural and organics and energy and so on. She started doing intermittent fasting; commonly this is called the 5:2 diet, but as you know, I LOATHE the word diet. I am going to refer to it as the 5:2 method or IF (intermittent fasting) method.
She has been singing its praise for months. I kind of shrugged it off the way I do when people start going on about what sounds like a fad diet. Then another gal in the office decided she wants to try it so lady A brought the book for this methodology in for lady B. Since it was floating around I asked if I could borrow the book. I wanted to give this thing a read.
I did. I read the whole thing in less than a week. I may be gullible, but I am sold. The science behind the method is fairly sound (though I can guarantee there is something out there that will argue against it) and the various trials really peeked my interest. Further more the lab results on participants blood work and the improvements on their body compositions is astounding.
Being a nerd, the biological and chemical side of this whole practice has me bouncing off the walls.
I am just going to give you the bare bones premise of the methodology and if you find it as interesting as I did you can check out their website and book here: The Fast Diet.
The idea is that for five of the seven days of the week, you eat a normal, balanced diet; with the occasional treats and so on. The remaining two days of the week you only consume 25% of your "feed" day calories. So, as a woman you'd eat around 2,000 calories a day, five days a week and then only consume ~500 calories two days a week. Everyone's opinion on the when to consume the calories is different, but the common thread is to basically fast. If you need a definition of what it is to fast check out the wiki page here: Fasting.
Many religions fast in one form or another for various reasons. Again, for the in depth check out the site and so on. The main difference I find with this compared to all the various fad diet babble I have heard is that it is completely flexible and sustainable.
All this I could go on and on about, but it's not for me to convince any one else to try this crazy thing. It's for you. As I experience this super fun method I will share my results and notes. That is one thing they strongly suggest is taking little notes, ESPECIALLY on the fasting days. That is just what I did, today, my first official fasting day. I wasn't sure how I was going to approach this; I was prepared to need to have a light snack (granny smith apple) if I absolutely needed it. But I didn't and it felt GREAT.
The following are the notes I jotted down throughout the day:
9:30A - I feel hungry and "shaky" but I think it's a mental thing. More water and tea.
10:15A - Feel surprisingly focused and alert. No hunger pangs. Just made some herbal tea (passion and orange) to cool and pour over ice once black tea is gone.
11:45A - Lunch hour is upon us and I feel a little intimidated. Looking forward to our walk in 30 minutes.
12:47P - Lunch walk = great. C struggling with the hungries. Asked if he was writing anything down when it was overpowering, he said no. Wished he'd known how it helped earlier. He had an apple. Told him that's fine. He gets 100 calories more a day than me anyways. Zen tea brewed and cooling.
1:15P - Realize going to Pinterest is/would be a bad idea on FD (fast day). Luckily before going to it!
Small victory
2:05P - Struggling, not sure with what. Just feeling my mind screaming for all sorts. Not emotional... I think. I can make it. 3 hours +/- until a delicious dinner. Just need to finish work! IPO here I come.
3:55P - I DID IT!!
Then we came home, bathed the gremlin and had a deliciously wonderful dinner. I made a light soup with the leftover pad thai veggies from last night. Edamame, broccoli, zucchini, red bell peppers and tofu in chicken broth (seasoned by the leftover sauce from last night and some ginger). It was soooo good.
Now the real struggle: to make it to bed without snacking. I can do this...
Our plan is to fast Mondays and Thursdays (they also are the most common days). Once we reach our goals we will switch to a 6:1 method. Obviously, when we get preggo this will be 100% on hold. It is not healthy to repeatedly fast while trying to grow a human.
As I start to see results (or lack there of) I will be sure to share with you. I will also share my notes as we go from most of the fast days unless it's super boring such as repeatedly writing pickle... Ha!
I will not be giving up my Thursday gym night, plenty of people fast and are still active. We each have one gym night affected by the fasting so it is balanced. We'll see how this goes.
As always, you are welcome to leave your thoughts below. Am I crazy? Have you ever tried something similar? What ever you want.
Now for some tea and anime. *smiles*
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Why Have I Waited So Long
It just dawned on me that it has only been in the last year or so that I have been fully open with people about how Collin and I met. I don't know why; I really can't think of a valid reason. There's multiple invalid reasons that mainly revolve around other people's opinions and at this point those really have no bearing... They never really did, I guess.
Our meeting was unconventional at the time and in many ways still is. The summer we met was a weird one for me with a lot of change and growth and turmoil and drama (for lack of a better word). It was dramatic for Collin too but that is not my story to tell. He started the summer dating someone that was not me, but that ended in the weeks prior to our story's inception.
The summer of 2004 I pushed away a person I thought was a best friend and was trying to help a loved one at the same time; one situation was the catalyst for the other, but I am past the point of blaming, bitching and complaining. If not for the extreme events that summer I can't say we would have met when we did. I have no doubt we would have met regardless, but the when may have changed.
It was mid-August, I was looking for someone. I was nineteen and felt like I had to find someone to be dating. I was an adult. I talked to a couple people and went on a date here and there. All of them I met online. And all of them I killed.... Okay, no, that's not true but it made it sound as creepy as everyone made online dating seem.
One night, I found myself in an Oregon chat room on Yahoo (my rooms of choice) and I was talking with all the other Oregonians about this, that and the other thing. When some dude with the most "creative" screen name started to chat me up. It started with some random comment in response to something one of us said (still not 100% sure if he initiated the private message or me) and little did we know it would blossom into more than a decade of weird and adorable banter between two identically twisted souls.
We spent the next few hours messaging back and forth about everything. We exchanged pictures and the old A/L (we kind of knew the S part from the get go) and eventually started up our web cams. It was completely G rated and in hindsight the webcam thing was kind of funny; we would watch one another type.... Woohoo!
The next day I worked for a few hours and as soon as I got home we met up on messenger and spent some time chatting. After a bit we decided we should talk on the phone. We then spent the next few hours on the phone until he had to leave for work. I'll never forget that night because it was the first time I heard a voice that I can now not imagine a day without. Also, there was a minor earthquake that night and I remember calling him right after it happened (it was minutes after we had hung up). Nothing was damaged and I was not hurt, but I still had that urge to call him.
At the time he was a security officer in Salem and working graveyard shift alone. After he got to work and relieved the previous dude for the night he called and we spent the next four to six hours talking about everything and nothing. Music and cars and our lives and our families. All in all, just that evening and night we spent over ten hours on the phone together. Yea, this was back before unlimited calling... I don't think about what it did to my cell phone bill...
Amidst all this conversing we decided we wanted to meet face to face for realsies. It was terrifying for me since I already felt this intense connection to a person I had never physically met. I worked the next day but he was off that night so he agreed to come to Lincoln City.
He almost didn't make it because his dad took him out for a drink to chat him up about moving on from his last girlfriend (it was pretty serious) and Collin told him that he was coming to meet me. With the faintest of buzzes (ah, we were young and stupid, but he was definitely below the legal limit) he made his way to my apartment. We were going to meet at my work, but he was running late because of the aforementioned beverage.
I was in my room, halfway out the window while I smoked a cigarette (young and stupid, young and stupid....) when I saw him walk through the parking lot to my place... I still swear my heart skipped a beat. We spent the first few moments basking in the reality of one another's presence and then... Yea, I'm not writing a romance novel here. Let's just say we spent the evening "talking" and enjoying each other's "company"...
The next day I had to work. I already knew for me that this was game over. I was lost. I was inexplicably and irrevocably in love with this person I had only known existed for three or four days. What the hell...
Back to the story; I got ready for work, Collin decided to call off for his scheduled shift that night so we could spend more time together and then he offered to take me to work. As we made our way to his car (which was actually his grandma's while his was in the shop) my mother happened to walk by and said, "Hi, Alicia........... Hi, Alicia's friend....." I just waved hi and kept walking.... To his surprise and my own we found the car was gone. I asked where he had parked it and he pointed to an area in front of some other units.... They were really strict about not parking in front of other apartments.... My stomach filled with dread as we walked to the manager's office. Luckily I was friends with the manager. I asked if she knew where the car was and she regrettably told me that it had been towed.... Well shit...
Collin called his parents and let them know what had happened and they said they would come pick up the car the next day, but he needed to get his ass home that night. He called a couple friends and some of them agreed to come down and get him later. He hung out around the mall while I worked and even bought me lunch. Afterwards we walked to the bank so I could make my nightly deposit for the salon and then walked back home. We shared a few more hours together before his friends arrived to take him back to the Tron.
When we parted ways it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. Very cliche I know, but it is an accurate description of the physical pain I felt by the absence of his presence. We held on as long as we could and then they had to leave. He promised to call once he got home and we swore we would find a way to get together again soon.
I was exhausted after minimal sleep over the last four days since our first private message. I promptly passed out while waiting for his call.... I never heard the phone ring and was a little saddened when I woke up the next morning. Turns out he had called, but my sister had taken my phone from my room.... Yea... Anyways,
After work that day we were online chatting more and we had the biggest, most impacting conversation of my life at the time (and I'd like to think his as well). I will never forget how sheepish we both were about the whole thing. Our wedding date has more significance than many know, and is just further proof of how cheesy we really are. Anyways, on August 21, 2004, after both of us trying to feel out the other person's intentions, we professed our budding love for one another. It was fast, really fast, which is why I am not one to really talk about the speed of other people's relationships (unless the timeline was shorter than ours, then they're nuts, fucking nuts. Hahaha)
We were married a year later, to the day. In just over two weeks we will be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary. I can count the number of "fights" we have had on one hand, and I'm sorry but I do not agree with the school of thinking that claims this is unhealthy for a relationship. Even the fights we have had would not be classified as such by others. It's just not how we deal with our issues. We talk about everything. Other than gifts and similar type surprises, we have no secrets. Period. We will keep yours, so don't worry, but please don't expect us to keep them from eachother. If you've told me, he knows; if you told him, I know. Plain and simple.
The only mystery left in our marriage? We don't shit in front of each other. Hell, we rarely even take a piss in front of each other...
So think about this: we openly communicate with each other, we keep zero secrets and we give each other private time when they need to use the bathroom... Also we don't do each other's laundry beyond maybe throwing a missed article in the wash with our own or moving clothes to the dryer. Otherwise he washes his and I wash mine. We share responsibility for household laundry.
I think these points are our "secrets" to a happy marriage, but alas, this is just my opinion and what has worked for us. As gross as this may sound, we still hate to be apart for more than a few hours. We are completely content to do our own thing and we do (such as me typing these thoughts out or him studying nerd stuff), but we enjoy being together even while doing separate things.
Our relationship is heading into its twelfth year; our marriage, its eleventh year and I can't imagine having spent the last decade plus any other way. I can't even begin to fathom the adventures in store for us from here as we grow and our family grows (yes, we hope to try for an addition sometime next year or the following).
To Collin, who I know has read every single word and probably even had his share of flashbacks to the big bang (try not to laugh, I can hear you in my head) that started the universe of our love, I love you more, always and forever. Thank you for being the perfect match for me in every way imaginable. Thank you for putting up with my crazy, my insecurities, and my overactive imagination. I can't imagine a life without you; past, present or future. As creepy as it is sometimes, you are in my head and completely in tune with me. I will never, ever, ever be able to fully express the endless fathoms of my love for you. I can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve for our anniversary (he has been planning this event for over two years).
There it is. It's all laid bare before your eyes. Judge me if you want, but that won't change what I have or what I have built.
If you take anything away from this, I hope it is the belief that soul mates exist (not necessarily in a romantic capacity, but they are there) and that there should be no secrets in a relationship.
Honesty is the cement slab the foundation of your love is placed upon, and without it the house that is your relationship will likely be unstable and destined to crumble.
Our meeting was unconventional at the time and in many ways still is. The summer we met was a weird one for me with a lot of change and growth and turmoil and drama (for lack of a better word). It was dramatic for Collin too but that is not my story to tell. He started the summer dating someone that was not me, but that ended in the weeks prior to our story's inception.
The summer of 2004 I pushed away a person I thought was a best friend and was trying to help a loved one at the same time; one situation was the catalyst for the other, but I am past the point of blaming, bitching and complaining. If not for the extreme events that summer I can't say we would have met when we did. I have no doubt we would have met regardless, but the when may have changed.
It was mid-August, I was looking for someone. I was nineteen and felt like I had to find someone to be dating. I was an adult. I talked to a couple people and went on a date here and there. All of them I met online. And all of them I killed.... Okay, no, that's not true but it made it sound as creepy as everyone made online dating seem.
One night, I found myself in an Oregon chat room on Yahoo (my rooms of choice) and I was talking with all the other Oregonians about this, that and the other thing. When some dude with the most "creative" screen name started to chat me up. It started with some random comment in response to something one of us said (still not 100% sure if he initiated the private message or me) and little did we know it would blossom into more than a decade of weird and adorable banter between two identically twisted souls.
We spent the next few hours messaging back and forth about everything. We exchanged pictures and the old A/L (we kind of knew the S part from the get go) and eventually started up our web cams. It was completely G rated and in hindsight the webcam thing was kind of funny; we would watch one another type.... Woohoo!
The next day I worked for a few hours and as soon as I got home we met up on messenger and spent some time chatting. After a bit we decided we should talk on the phone. We then spent the next few hours on the phone until he had to leave for work. I'll never forget that night because it was the first time I heard a voice that I can now not imagine a day without. Also, there was a minor earthquake that night and I remember calling him right after it happened (it was minutes after we had hung up). Nothing was damaged and I was not hurt, but I still had that urge to call him.
At the time he was a security officer in Salem and working graveyard shift alone. After he got to work and relieved the previous dude for the night he called and we spent the next four to six hours talking about everything and nothing. Music and cars and our lives and our families. All in all, just that evening and night we spent over ten hours on the phone together. Yea, this was back before unlimited calling... I don't think about what it did to my cell phone bill...
Amidst all this conversing we decided we wanted to meet face to face for realsies. It was terrifying for me since I already felt this intense connection to a person I had never physically met. I worked the next day but he was off that night so he agreed to come to Lincoln City.
He almost didn't make it because his dad took him out for a drink to chat him up about moving on from his last girlfriend (it was pretty serious) and Collin told him that he was coming to meet me. With the faintest of buzzes (ah, we were young and stupid, but he was definitely below the legal limit) he made his way to my apartment. We were going to meet at my work, but he was running late because of the aforementioned beverage.
I was in my room, halfway out the window while I smoked a cigarette (young and stupid, young and stupid....) when I saw him walk through the parking lot to my place... I still swear my heart skipped a beat. We spent the first few moments basking in the reality of one another's presence and then... Yea, I'm not writing a romance novel here. Let's just say we spent the evening "talking" and enjoying each other's "company"...
The next day I had to work. I already knew for me that this was game over. I was lost. I was inexplicably and irrevocably in love with this person I had only known existed for three or four days. What the hell...
Back to the story; I got ready for work, Collin decided to call off for his scheduled shift that night so we could spend more time together and then he offered to take me to work. As we made our way to his car (which was actually his grandma's while his was in the shop) my mother happened to walk by and said, "Hi, Alicia........... Hi, Alicia's friend....." I just waved hi and kept walking.... To his surprise and my own we found the car was gone. I asked where he had parked it and he pointed to an area in front of some other units.... They were really strict about not parking in front of other apartments.... My stomach filled with dread as we walked to the manager's office. Luckily I was friends with the manager. I asked if she knew where the car was and she regrettably told me that it had been towed.... Well shit...
Collin called his parents and let them know what had happened and they said they would come pick up the car the next day, but he needed to get his ass home that night. He called a couple friends and some of them agreed to come down and get him later. He hung out around the mall while I worked and even bought me lunch. Afterwards we walked to the bank so I could make my nightly deposit for the salon and then walked back home. We shared a few more hours together before his friends arrived to take him back to the Tron.
When we parted ways it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. Very cliche I know, but it is an accurate description of the physical pain I felt by the absence of his presence. We held on as long as we could and then they had to leave. He promised to call once he got home and we swore we would find a way to get together again soon.
I was exhausted after minimal sleep over the last four days since our first private message. I promptly passed out while waiting for his call.... I never heard the phone ring and was a little saddened when I woke up the next morning. Turns out he had called, but my sister had taken my phone from my room.... Yea... Anyways,
After work that day we were online chatting more and we had the biggest, most impacting conversation of my life at the time (and I'd like to think his as well). I will never forget how sheepish we both were about the whole thing. Our wedding date has more significance than many know, and is just further proof of how cheesy we really are. Anyways, on August 21, 2004, after both of us trying to feel out the other person's intentions, we professed our budding love for one another. It was fast, really fast, which is why I am not one to really talk about the speed of other people's relationships (unless the timeline was shorter than ours, then they're nuts, fucking nuts. Hahaha)
We were married a year later, to the day. In just over two weeks we will be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary. I can count the number of "fights" we have had on one hand, and I'm sorry but I do not agree with the school of thinking that claims this is unhealthy for a relationship. Even the fights we have had would not be classified as such by others. It's just not how we deal with our issues. We talk about everything. Other than gifts and similar type surprises, we have no secrets. Period. We will keep yours, so don't worry, but please don't expect us to keep them from eachother. If you've told me, he knows; if you told him, I know. Plain and simple.
The only mystery left in our marriage? We don't shit in front of each other. Hell, we rarely even take a piss in front of each other...
So think about this: we openly communicate with each other, we keep zero secrets and we give each other private time when they need to use the bathroom... Also we don't do each other's laundry beyond maybe throwing a missed article in the wash with our own or moving clothes to the dryer. Otherwise he washes his and I wash mine. We share responsibility for household laundry.
I think these points are our "secrets" to a happy marriage, but alas, this is just my opinion and what has worked for us. As gross as this may sound, we still hate to be apart for more than a few hours. We are completely content to do our own thing and we do (such as me typing these thoughts out or him studying nerd stuff), but we enjoy being together even while doing separate things.
Our relationship is heading into its twelfth year; our marriage, its eleventh year and I can't imagine having spent the last decade plus any other way. I can't even begin to fathom the adventures in store for us from here as we grow and our family grows (yes, we hope to try for an addition sometime next year or the following).
To Collin, who I know has read every single word and probably even had his share of flashbacks to the big bang (try not to laugh, I can hear you in my head) that started the universe of our love, I love you more, always and forever. Thank you for being the perfect match for me in every way imaginable. Thank you for putting up with my crazy, my insecurities, and my overactive imagination. I can't imagine a life without you; past, present or future. As creepy as it is sometimes, you are in my head and completely in tune with me. I will never, ever, ever be able to fully express the endless fathoms of my love for you. I can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve for our anniversary (he has been planning this event for over two years).
There it is. It's all laid bare before your eyes. Judge me if you want, but that won't change what I have or what I have built.
If you take anything away from this, I hope it is the belief that soul mates exist (not necessarily in a romantic capacity, but they are there) and that there should be no secrets in a relationship.
Honesty is the cement slab the foundation of your love is placed upon, and without it the house that is your relationship will likely be unstable and destined to crumble.
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