Yea, Why?

Frozen is playing in the background. The wee one has been feeling the effects of her two year molars finally grinding their way into place. Low grade temperature and touchy emo attitude. Sunshine in rainbows to nuclear apocalypse in five seconds over the best things. Her trying to go take her jacket off and I kiss her forehead on the way. On the floor. Luckily not wailing. Toddlers are such amazing and weird little creatures.

Yesterday was a trial, and not because of the emo kid. I had a follow up eye appointment, managed to be at work for about two hours before the daycare called for her to be picked up because of the temperature; not at the mandatory go home threshold but her behavior was indicative of potential other symptoms on their way. Thankfully, other than a lack of appetite in the extreme and being tired, she never had any other symptoms.

After dinner I ran to the store because we burned through milk a bit faster than we had in the weeks prior. I got about a half mile from the house and it felt like I had a soft blow out while taking off from a stop light and the check engine light started flashing furiously. Scared the crap out of me. I limped back home and after a certain tiny person was in bed Collin checked the code and it informed us that it misfired in one of the cylinders... Joy...

Called the mechanic shop today and got the car towed in. They were able to get a quick prelim diagnostic done and found that there seems to be an issue with the compression in the cylinder; they will have to pull the engine back out to figure out what happened. This is the same engine just rebuilt six months ago. The upside? The shop is covering it under the warranty on the engine rebuild. And that, that right there, is why I love my Subaru shop. Plus, they were able to set up a loaner at no charge (other than fuel).

Good times. We are all interested to see what the root cause was.

While at work I typically listen to a myriad of music depending on my mood and the level of focus I need to have on the task. Commonly when working one particular report I listen to instrumental; predominately piano/classical pieces. The music doesn't stop when I take a call, it just mutes into the background. At one point I took a call and when I answered my headset it was this climactic and intense piece on cellos that had been building and building. By the time the call ended it was a solo pianist caressing the notes for Fur Elise. It was almost a letdown.

As a circle back to the car issue, Mercury is yet again in retrograde (it appears as thought it is traveling in reverse of the Earth's orbit. Fascinating in many ways. Commonly thought to be a time of communications and technological issues, but also a time for fixing mistakes of the past. Yea, so the car thing isn't as shocking to me now. The struggle with some of my associates is also more easily understood. Not that I don't take great pains to ALWAYS communicate clearly in openly, but in these phases I take an even more exhausting approach at being patient with everyone else's stupid.

I feel even worse for the hubs though; being he is an IT person these retrogrades hit technology hard. You can imagine what this entails for him combined with difficult communications. Just the other day there was a wonderful moment as I pumped a cup of decaf a woman from another department, whom I had chatted with before, said, "I didn't realize your husband was the IT guy."

_blink blink_

THE IT guy, huh? I hate it when people put it that way. Surely there are no others within our organization....

Of course, in my eyes, he is the best of them, but I may be biased.

I chuckled and replied, "I hope that means he fixed an issue of yours."

"Nope, he was working on so-and-so's machine."

.........

Now it is time to put in my FML drops and enjoy a delicious comforting dinner of chicken and veggie soup. Mmmmm....

Doodle Time

Instead of writing with alphabetical characters I chose to write in the broad strokes of marker.  Just as therapeutic.

I Know The Honey Is Here Somewhere....

It snowed overnight. If you could call it that. The world around me was blanketed in the thinnest coverlet of the powdery white stuff.

It was wonderful when I forced myself from bed and glanced at the weather app on my phone. It promptly informed me that it was 24° F outside with an 80% chance of snow at that very moment.... "Hrm..." I thought, "That's fairly good odds...."

I took a gander out my bedroom window to a world glowing orange.

Being an Oregonian living West of the Cascade mountains, the seven year old part of my brain started squealing like a psycho. I pulled on my gear and grabbed my phone. I wasn't going to run, but I was going to enjoy that early morning quiet that comes with fresh fallen snow.

The scenery did not disappoint and I wish I had just snagged my camera for the adventure in place of my cell phone. Alas, I was able to capture some pictures. This one was my favorite of my solitary jaunt through the snow.

After I returned home we enjoyed breakfast and then decided to venture out around the yard with the tiny terror. This is the first time we have had snow stick on the valley floor in almost two years. She was two months old last time and taking her out in it was just not going to happen.

We all bundled up and out we went. At first she was completely unsure of how to react to this odd substance covering her world. With trepidation and caution, after seeing both her father and I, she scooped up her first handful of the crystalline water.

About thirty minutes and an extremely pink button nose later we convinced her it was time to return indoors with the promise of hot chocolate and a movie.

The rest of the day has proceeded in a quiet, calm fashion (other than the random outbursts that are to be expected with a two year old).

As I work to refocus on my overall health I am getting back to the things I know work for me. Beyond just meal planning, I am committed to sticking to it. Dining out tends to be both unhealthy in the choices made and financially unhealthy.

I am also taking the time to prep and plan my snacks for at work during the week. The main thing here is to stop taking the tiny person's snack foods. I need to remember to cycle through my favorites as I go along so I don't get burnt out on just snacking on the same things all the time.

The key ones right now are trail mix (portioned properly!), Greek yogurt, homemade granola (see picture below), fruit and veg. These are my power house snacks. They keep me full and happy through the workday and are nutritionally valuable.

I admittedly always get out of whack around the holidays and this year was no exception. It's so easy to do, and so fucking hard to correct. The worst of it for me is the bloated icky feeling I get all at once after the holidays. Never fails. It tends to make me feel gross and in turn I kind of treat myself like shit. Like, I am the mean girl from middle school mocking me and taunting me in my head. I get down on myself and there tends to be a lot of self loathing. Even though I know in my mind that I may have gained five to ten pounds of water weight from all this poor eating, that mean girl tells me I have gained thirty and I will never be the picture of health I have for myself.

This year started no differently. Then I shot the dumb mean girl. BOOM! Head shot!

I know what I need to do to feel better and I am doing it. I don't have the time or room to allow this sort of mentality to continue. Rather than wallow I need to move. I need to jump, run, laugh, crochet, write, draw, sing off key and love myself.

And that's what I am going to do.

You should try it too. I bet you'd be great at it.

My quinoa enchilada casserole is about done so I need to wash up the prep stuff and get the finishing touches to dinner together.

Tumor Soup

Totally not PC... The title is at the bequest of my dear husband. It was a fun name he gave my tomato soup at lunch today since I had three meatballs in it. Spares from my mini food prep action this morning. Made 78 meatballs and they are now bagged and literally chilling in the freezer. They will be a variety of meals throughout the month.

I imagine Collin cringing as he sits next to me typing this. The other night he gave me the sweetest compliment... He said it sounded like I was trying to punch my space bar through the bottom of my laptop.... I have never noticed.

We're watching Pitch Perfect for our "date night". I love these movies.

After the always precious nap time (I am grateful the wee one still naps) we went to OMSI and spent about an hour letting her run around the Science Playground. She spent most of the time in the water area. It's her favorite. She loves bath time so it makes sense.

Spaz is watching Pitch Perfect... It's always unsettling to me when she actively watches what's on TV.

Tomorrow morning I am hoping to get a run in before the forewarned snowpocalypse / icetrophe arrives... Yea, we are under a winter weather advisory.... We shall see. I hope it snows. The last time it really snowed the tiny human was all of two months old. Now she could actually enjoy it, assuming she isn't terrified of it like the cat. Quickest way to convince our idiot cat to stay inside is open a door out into the snow.

We also plan to experiment with allowing the little monster to wear real underwear. She is working on the potty training business but her interest comes and goes inn waves. We figure letting her try panties instead of pull ups might help. I know she hates to have accidents so maybe this will be the right kind of encouragement. In our dream world we will have her completely potty trained before she is three, but at the same time it all comes down to what she wants. Damn little independent creature. I am trying to use her hatred of the changing stations in stores and restaurants to encourage her transition to the big girl potty.

This is a disjointed post.

Dinner tonight was delicious. How to tell my body is craving the good for it stuff again. Caesar salad, herb, parmesan crusted tilapia and a sliced tomato. Perfect. Wonderful. So goddamn good.

I asked the little one what she would kind of pancakes she would like for breakfast tomorrow. Her response?

"Blue!"

....

Luckily, I have some dried blueberries in the pantry. not enough to do the pancakes by the selves so it will be cranberry, blueberry pancakes.

I feel the urge to share my dinner plans for the month with you... Maybe tomorrow.

Next weekend, after class, we will finally be going to see the new Star Wars movie. I hear your collective gasp, but yes, with a toddler and the holidays finding time to go to the movies is a little difficult. No, I am not one of those parents comfortable taking a toddler to the movies. Especially not something that deserves my undivided attention like the cinematic masterpiece that is The Force Awakens.

I am excited.

Now I am going to make hot chocolate and popcorn.

(PS, I have decided to stop editing before posting, so if you find something completely wrong or incorrect or anything, meh, I don't fucking care...)

Sleep well!

The Current Is Cold and Swift

After much lollygagging and internal debate I rolled out of bed at 5:30 this morning. My alarm was set for 5am... Oops. I pulled on my cropped compression pants, socks, sports bra and sleeveless shirt. I pulled my hair back into a slick ponytail and made my way down the stairs.

With only the vaguest hint of uncertainty I laced my shoes, slapped on my ankle reflector and pulled my fleece quarter-zip over my head. I strolled into the kitchen. Dammit, I forgot to empty our reusable coffee pod from last night. I tap the used grounds out and rinse it before placing it in the drying rack. The coffee maker is doing it magical heat up sequence as I grab one of the spare pods and level a scoop and a half of decaf into it.

We agreed to switch to decaf at the new years because caffeine was becoming a crutch. I've also cut out sugar from my cup o' joe.

I start my cup of coffee and with only the slightest bit of resignation step into the living room where I proceed to do about twenty jumping jacks. I ponder what my brother said last week at Christmas. "Aren't jumping jacks kind of hard on you joints? Like jarring a lot?" Truth be told, they might be, but they do their job and I do mine.

My limbs wake up. My heart starts pumping. My brain has already began production of the endorphins that I will ride upon through the rest of the day. I head for the front door. I remember the discussion from last night, "What's the temp supposed to be like at 6am?"

"Oh, about 28 but feel like 21."

Joy.

I pull on my gloves and put on one of my head wrap things as a scarf/mask. I put the second one on; covering my ears and the shaved underside of my hair. I pull on my windbreaker and zip it up to the top. Finally, I add my strobe light reflector bands - one on each arm just above the elbow. One last eye drop as I reflect on the doctor's comments about how people don't realize it is so much drier in the winter time, even if it's raining, because of the cold air.

The dead bolt slides from the frame and into the door. I step over the threshold and the cold instantly slaps my face and whips around my exposed shins. Luckily it is only the lower third - half of my shins and calves that are exposed.

I start walking. I marvel at the crisp dryness in the air. It's so clear out. Even with a half moon and the ambient light of this sleep town I see a million stars. The wind is whipping around trees and buildings. Howling out of the east like daggers of dry ice.

Before I realize it I am at the top of the hill and on the border of our neighborhood. Damn, I had meant to run up the hill, but I was so distracted by the glittering beauty of the sky. I cross the road and pick up the pace. I only run through the shadows. It's not out of fear, it just happens to be a perfect pace marker. As I hit each crosswalk I walk and slow my breathing. The moment I am past the street lamp post on the other side I run. I alternate like this until I am away from the town homes and in the odd void between our neighborhood and an industrial area. My goal? The police station. It's the end of the road.

As I lose the wind break afforded me by the town homes I feel the wind begin to tug at my ponytail and push at my back. "This will be fun on the way back." I think as I look at the flags whipping in the wind, never offering a moments respite for the material.

I hit the end of the road and turn into the wind. Its presence so much more obvious as I run against it. Rather than the cold encouragement at my back it is frozen fingers tearing at me. I pull my mask up and my headband down. Maybe goggles would be nice for runs like this. The air is like a ceaseless current around my ankles, the exposed skin reacting, but at this point not necessarily recognizing the true temperature of the air. Lotion will be needed to prevent my sensitive skin from drying out.

I push myself until I am back in the safety of the town homes shadows. They ease the wind's pressure ever so slightly.

I reach the top of the hill and make my way down. As I run the last half block I look up at the sky and thank myself for taking the time to do this.

I reach the porch and stop for a moment to stretch out my calves and most importantly my plantar fascia. The last thing I want is for that to act up.

I walk back into the house just as my wonderful partner is going to retrieve our tiny demon from her bed. Time to make pancakes and see what the rest of this amazing day has in store.

I hope you enjoyed this peak inside my brain. I don't knnow how I managed to hold onto this while we ran errands and I cleaned the carpet, but here it is. Now for a quick power nap before we head off to a little shindig.

Change - My Pulse Has Flat Lined

As the final minutes of yet another year slip through the fingertips of humanity I find myself pondering these past 365 days. I think of that song, you know, the one from RENT.

Ultimately, I got what I wanted from 2015. Even with the hiccups and the blurred weeks of the last however many weeks it's been since I last posted. Obviously I am rusty as my fingers stumble liked tired fools over the keys of my now unfamiliar laptop.

Details are unnecessary as the events themselves are now being archived and filed away for future reference. I found myself lazy and detached while dealing with some medical issue (my eye), family drama and furthering my career development via leadership training.

Unlike years gone by this final post of the year will focus more on the future and not so much the past. I will say this much, as mentioned above, I got exactly what I wanted:

No drastic changes.

We did not change residences. We did not change jobs. We did not change cars. We did not change. That in and of itself may be as big of a curse as it was a blessing.

The best part of all this no change stuff? We were able to grow. Contradictory, I know, but it is true. Without the turmoil I associate with change we were able to focus on ourselves and our family.We were able to focus on our future and really take time to think about what we want to see in that future. So, more than anything, this last year of stability and tedium was a chance to breathe and focus and clear our minds.

I am ready for this new year. Bring it on, 2016! I expect you to be full of changes and shifts and adjustments and everything. I am as rested as I will ever be and ready. I have a toddler so my patience has been fine tuned in the last couple months.

What do we have planned for this year? You will have to wait and see. I promise not to disappoint.

The first change will be to this page. I think it's time for another face lift.

Sleep well whenever it is you decide to call it a night. Know that tomorrow is a whole new day. Seize it. Own it. Make it count.

Happy New Years, mother fuckers!

Leadership Takes A Lot of Creativity

Seriously.

I have bi-weekly classes for my leadership academy. I am thankful they are not more frequent solely because of the amount of creativity required to be awesome.

October... Can you believe it? Freaking October already. Hell, we are a whole week in as of today. I still need to put together our costumes for Halloween. At least I know what we are doing for the costumes and I even have all the supplies. I also know what I am doing for Collin's birthday cake. Always a key event in October.

Three years ago today Collin and I were in Omaha meeting his little sister, her (now) fiance and their adorable son. It's mind boggling how it seems like it has been so much longer than three years, but feels like it wasn't that long ago. Time has begun to flow in strange currents.

Next summer we will be making the road trip out again, but this time we will have our tiny human in tow. I can't wait.

Two nights before we reached Nebraska eastern Wyoming and western Nebraska had just experienced their first snow of the season. Crazy to think of as an Oregonian, especially when this fall has been so mild and gorgeous. When we reached that part of the state it was in the mid-twenties and snow covered the landscape. It was breath taking.

The next morning dawned a frigid 17 degrees in Cheyenne, but nonetheless we made our way through Cheyenne and on towards Omaha.This was an amazing trip for so many reasons, but the main reason was Collin meeting his little sister, who until five years ago we had no idea even existed.

After breakfast it was only an hour or so to the state line.

I think that first night in Omaha will always be a strong memory for us. I wish the miles between us were seconds instead of hours. After next year's visit I think we are going to try and make it out there every other year if not more often.

Family is a precious gift.

Why it took me until my late twenties to fully understand that, I will never know. I try a little harder now to be wherever there is now. I try to be present. I'm sure becoming a mom had something to do with it.

Now I am going to space out and watch some anime.

Maybe next time I will post about our newest trial. Or I'll forget and post something totally off the wall.

We'll see...