I've Got No Time For Feeling Sorry

That is so fucking true it's not even funny. Work has been a nightmare this week. The stress is fucking killing me. It's making me depressed, anxious, angry, and causing me to foam at the mouth... Okay not so much the last part, but you get what I mean.

Home is a safe haven. But there have been moments of frustration there as well. I don't know if it's work tension spilling over, or if maybe it's me. I don't know. I just know that it is making me feel a billion times worse. Then when I do express any form of what's getting to me I immediately feel guilty for sharing my burden. In the same breath I can't keep letting it build and build inside of me like this. Some day the dam will burst and with my luck it will be at the most inopportune moment imaginable... Or it will be a repeat of the days before Christmas, and I can't handle that kind of a drain.

So what the fuck do I do with all of it? Do I just pour it all out here? Someone would have me committed if I started doing that, when it gets this bad I become a very dark and twisty person. This is the most dangerous time because it is when one of the loudest voices in my head starts screaming, "Fuck it! Fuck it all and just stay in bed. Nothing can hurt you here." Yet I know that would accomplish nothing, nor would I feel better. Focusing on the positive is falling flat lately.

I know that if I don't find an outlet; a way to deal with all this emotion and just keep pushing it aside my insomnia will come back because my brain will be trying to deal with all the shit I keep pushing out of the way...

I think I need to reevaluate some of the things in my life... Or something to realign myself back to where I was mentally and emotionally... Maybe it's just seasonal depression, ask me how I feel in the spring time and we'll see. Ha.

Maybe watching Jerry Springer will cheer me up. It generally put me into perspective about how un-sucky my life is. LOL. This helps too.