Floundering In A Sea Of Anxiety

That pretty much sums up this last week. Hell, practically the whole of March so far. I don't know what my problem has been, but I feel as though I am enveloped in a cloud of anxiety. I know everything is fine, and that whatever happens with what I have going on is what happens. With that knowledge, I still can't shake off the constant edginess. Even right now, I am breathing deeply and slowly and trying to keep my mind focused. I think that is what my biggest issue has been. My mind starts to lose its focus and begins to go over a million things in the span of a second and I get so overwhelmed. I need to make more time to write stuff out so that it doesn't get so bottled up. That's what I am going to do right now.... This may get very long, and utterly off the wall. Take a potty break now... I'll wait....

Where to begin...

As always, my current job is the cause of much of the stress and chaos in my life. I do the work of three people but get paid half of what I feel I am worth. The craziest thing? Other than the normal constant flow of incoming accounts, I am caught up and current with almost all of my work. All the crucial stuff is completed. Shouldn't this be cause to be less stressed? You'd think so, but it hasn't been. Oh, and to cap off what was a spectacular work week (since it doesn't translate well in text that was dripping with sarcasm), I was the only employee who wasn't "sick" and off work on Friday. Did I mention I also had an appointment that day for once in a very long time that required me to actually leave for lunch? One of the owners was there to cover for me, thankfully (we will get to the appointment later). The kicker of this? While I was out to lunch, one of the "sick" employee's husband called the office..... wait for it.... TO TALK TO HER!!!! The owner was speechless... Then just before I got back (he was ending the call as I walked in the door) the "sick" employee called in an attempt to explain why her husband was unaware of the fact that she was out sick.... Afterwords, the owner and I had a great laugh about it. Whether or not he tells the CEO (who is his wife!) of that debacle is on him. I am not going to say a word. The up side to Friday was that I got off at four.

Another anxiety causing thing was this "appointment" I had on Friday. At this point I don't care who sees this: it was a job interview with the Oregon Public Utilities Commission for an Administrative Specialist 1 position. Personally? I think I completely and utterly bombed the interview. That's what I hate about state interviews. It was of course in front of a panel of four people; HR lady, older woman in snowflake sweater, dude with glasses, and chick who looked like she might be a nice person. I had thirty minutes to wow them, and I was done in fifteen. It's hard to read people when they make no facial expression, don't speak a word to you, and don't make any eye contact. I honestly will crap myself if I get a call back for a second interview... Which sucks because I think I really would have enjoyed the job and been crazy awesome at it. Granted, the dude with glasses did smile when I was telling them about one of my exploits with an irate consumer. I really don't think they even noticed the purple in my hair, and if they did they made no mention of it... Which brings me to my next topic...

My hair. I am done with the purple... I still love it, but I am hoping I will be getting more interviews with the state and I think it would be better to go in there with a more neutral hair color. I don't want my hair to just be all blah either (and yes, blah is a technical term...). Soooo... I am going to see if I can take off this Thursday afternoon so LeeAnn can come over and do my hair. It's going to take about four hours because we have to do a bleach rinse first to break up the black and purple and get most of it out. Then we are going to do a warm dark brown base and some color blocking from there. What shades and colors we will be using? I don't know yet, but I trust LeeAnn entirely with my hair. Plus, while she's here she can cut Collin's hair too!

Yesterday, I was up way earlier than I normally am on Saturdays, and was leaving the house at 7:30 so I could get my happy (but tired) ass over to McMinnville for the regional Battle of the Books, in which my niece was a competitor. It was great to see her and spend some time with her. Her hair is weaved with pink right now (girl after my own heart!). Sadly, her team was eliminated after the first round. After saying my goodbyes to her I headed over to my mom's only to find that she wasn't there. I contemplated making a run to my dad's but then thought better of it since I was freaking tired and had other things I needed to do in Salem. I got home around 11:45am and found Spazzer curled up under the covers on the bed. Still fully dressed I decided she had the right idea and climbed into bed to. I took a nice little nap for about forty five minutes. Then I had some lunch, watched some 16 & Pregnant (I almost always tear up when the baby is born!), and then went over to Addictions. I felt I should take the opportunity (while I actually had some free time) to get my barbel downsized in my eyebrow. Now, I have one that fits perfectly! It looks awesome and not as obtrusive as the longer one was getting to be.

I think I feel a little bit better for now... So, I am going to go make me an avocado and tomato sandwich and watch a movie or something, then maybe go for a walk... It's sunny at the moment, but it was literally freezing cold this morning...