Today, was the first time in a few weeks that it has rained, and oh my goodness, everyone forgot how to drive and there were multiple accidents on our normal route. So we took another one, but seriously? Seriously!? It's flipping Oregon! I could go on and on about this but I have other things I'd rather share.
We are at the end of our mostly gluten free month. No major difference in how we felt or our waistlines, but it was still a fun experiment. There were quite a few recipes that I will adding to our regular repertoire. This month we are just going back to the normal, healthy, veggie filled, low carb stuff we have been doing. Now that I am officially below my pre-pregnancy weight I want to keep it going down.
Now to the task at hand, the thoughts that kept me up last night until my husband got home from his "Man Date" with his bestie.
I find myself nostalgic, reflective, and introspective come the fall season year after year. It's as though my psyche is aware another year end is fast approaching and it is time to take stock of what all has changed. Last night though, I found myself looking beyond the last year or two back to what I feel is the catalyst to getting me here, the happiest time of my life. Not to say it is the easiest time, but most certainly the most joy filled I have ever been. I guess the presence of this tiny human in my life has done that.
But to the thoughts that robbed me of a good hour of extra sleep. Eleven years ago I did something that shaped all that has come since, I moved to Portland. Sometimes I am curious how different life would be if I had stayed in LC or if I had stayed in Portland beyond the four months I was here. I truly believe it would mostly have worked out similarly, but then I don't think I would have found myself and grown the way I have.
I attribute a large part of my personal growth to this period of time. I learned to stand up for myself, and I also learned that making a career of some of my talents could be the death of my passion for them. Beyond my three amazing, yet two-faced roommates in Portland, there was one person who really helped me enjoy my time in Portland. I'm not friends with her and wouldn't have the slightest idea where she is or if she would even remember me.
This is what I do remember:
I remember we had drawing class together, and maybe another class or two. She introduced me to AFI and her complete and undying love for them. I imagine that if she is still in good old Oregon, her and I were probably at the same show back in 2010 for the band. She was from the Bend area. We were so totally different, but amazingly similar. She brought out a person in me I had no idea existed. Sometimes I think the real me could be mean, but in truth I was honest and taking care of me for a change. It is still something I have to work on, the whole saying no but that's not what this is about.
My fondest and funnest memories in Portland are hanging out with her and some other students in their apartment. A late night/early morning adventure to Montage where I had the best mac'n'cheese ever, and my left overs were wrapped into a foil creation; I think it was a rose. Spending midnight on New Years getting ice cream at Safeway and talking to a drunk guy in the champagne/wine aisle. Her huge panel van, that I believe she said her dad gave her.
It was a short but impacting friendship, and the memories are always with me. Hell, thinking about those times also reminded me of other good times with a long lost friend, and the names of my three roommates. It also reminded me that only one of the three was really two faced. There was Alicia from South Dakota, we shared a room; Molly from Ridgefield, she left at the end of fall term (I left after winter break right before the new term started); and Kristina from Moses Lake, who was the two faced one. I stayed in touch with Alicia for a bit, but then as I moved away from MySpace completely lost track of her. I could probably find them, but they are from another world that I no longer live in. They all had their affects though, but none as strong and lasting than Caitlyn (I'm pretty sure that was her name).
The year following this brief interlude with the big city and art school, became one of the most defining for where I am now, and who is in my life. I am so grateful for this period, and what I learned and discovered. Even the negative parts (I occasionally am reminded of these as I look at long forgotten journal entries) I am grateful for because I can reflect on them and know why it was a negative situation, and learn not to let similar things happen in my life.
So, as I reflect on my past triumphs and failures in the coming months as yet another year slips through the sieve of time, I ask anyone who is reading this to reflect on their pasts and remember without them you wouldn't be set for the amazing future ahead of you. Don't dwell on it, but remember it with alacrity and humor. And if you find yourself currently in a rough spot, or down on your luck consider the future and how you want to reflect on whatever you learn from your current situation.
I know that all of my past "character building" moments have primed me for great things, and possibly even greater challenges, but if life were easy where would the fun be in that? You commonly hear the phrase, "The lord moves in mysterious ways." and though I am not a Christian, even I can see the truth in that statement. Whoever or whatever you believe in, even if it is nothing at all, or if you are a nihilist, there is still something unfolding before you based on the choices you make and the people who pass through your life.
Pretty deep, huh? Whether this is read or not, I am glad I have a platform to clear my head of these thoughts. I will leave you with this anecdote:
I look over at Collin and our adorable daughter and notice a spot of liquid in the corner of her mouth. I'm across the room from them and I ask Collin, "Is that drool?"
He responds, "Yea, I think so."
Then he looks again, and feels his shoulder/back. "Nope, not drool." he states.
By this time I am closer and walk around him. There is a glorious trail of spit up running down his left shoulder. I laugh and take the tiny wonder from him so he can run upstairs and change his shirt.
It was minutes before we needed to leave for daycare and work.
I love my life, and laugh at everything I can.
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