On The Way Home, This Car Hears My Confessions

Guess where I am? Somewhere I would rather not be on my Saturday afternoon, and no it ain't the gyno's office. It's my In-Laws' house!! Yay me! They are having computer issues. They tend to have major compy issues that require Collin's expertise at least once a month... Coincedence? I think not. I think I would almost rather be getting a yearly exam than being here... I love them, but I had to live here for the last three years, I think I could go like six months before thinking, "Hey, we should go visit your parents."

We went grocery shopping this morning, and then went and parked at the Capital and walked to the Saturday Market. It was nice, starting to get warm, but not too bad yet. The fountain at the Capital came on right after we parked and I was able to get some nice pictures. You can see the rainbows in the spray. I bet it'd look awesomer (it is a word if it's said enough) if I had MY camera that I want....
Collin just whooped my ass at thumb wrestling and I even used all my fingers and both hands! I also got some awesome pictures of some of the flowers at the Capital. I love the yellow one the most, it just seems to glow. I used it for my profile background on MySpace. And the pink one is the desktop background on my laptop.
Then as we were making our way through the Capital garden or whatever you want to call it we came across a bum's abandoned bed. At least that's what we assumed. I mean, when else do you find newspapers on or around a bench? See this was the bum's blanky.
And this was the bum's bed. And just so you know, the bench is made out of 100% recycled materials.
We had fun at the market, we will probably start going more often. We got these awesome cheddar bagels, and a fresh baguette at this one stand ran by Croissant & Co. And then at this other stand I bought this awesome red glass circle that had the Chinese symbol for Love on it. I found it funny when one of the people running the booth told me that the piece I chose is the hardest to make. Love is the hardest to make... Interesting.

Well, Collin is almost done fixing his parents computer. To fill the remaining time I think I am going to stare blankly at Windows Media Player's visualization (I have it on Sleepy Spray, my favorite) while I listen to Dashboard Confessional.

"If My Foot Was A Penis..."

"... My big toe would be squirting white stuff."

My husband is the bomb at giving foot massages. I swear, he is so insanely amazing.

Anywhoozles, Friday, ah, glorious beautiful Friday. I love the weekends now, not like six months ago when we were still living out there. (**Mmmmm, rice crackers....**) Sorry, waiting on the hubby to be on his way home before I start dinner, so I am munching some rice crackers... Obviously. Where was I? Weekends are just so much more relaxing now. I think tomorrow morning I want to go to the farmers market, see what they got in right now. Then before it gets too warm tomorrow I think we will walk up around the area near the State Hospital and, you know, antagonize some of the mentally unstable.

I am getting myself back into my drawing, and trying to read more, so if you have any good books to recommend leave me a comment. I need to buy more. As I finish new pieces I might (if I like them enough) take pics and post them.

Spazzer is laying under the table right by my foot. Sometimes she is the sweetest fluffball you can imagine, and then other times she shreds your flesh before you even realize what has happened. I took this pic the other morning while we were playing before I went to work. She's like the evil monster under the bed.
Oh and this is the old ass paper towel holder that snapped and tried to kill Renee when I got a paper towel this morning.
I swear, it was crazy and scared the crap out of us. This is the projectile piece that flew at Renee.
I still haven't heard about the job thingy yet, I am not holding my breath but I am hopeful. Collin and the guys he works with say to be patient because the company takes a long time to hire people, or even interview them. We'll see. If I don't hear from them by Wednesday then I am going to call HR and see what up.

I feel a lot better about this now, I talked with Renee earlier this week. She asked me if I had heard anything, I told her no. Under her breath she was like "yes..." And then she said that honestly, she hopes that I get this job more than she hopes I stay. She knows what it would mean for me and Collin if I got this job. I asked her if our friendship would change because of me leaving, she said absolutely not. We would still be BFFs and neighbors (she lives like a block away from me), we'd still talk, and hang out and stuff. I then told her that other than telling her I put in my resume, the hardest thing will be telling the owners if I get an interview. I will HAVE to tell them at that point so we can start looking for a potential replacement for me, and I don't want to hurt them, they are like family to me. No sense putting the cart before the horse.

Today Renee and I decided that next summer we are gonna learn how to golf. We figure we will start out by going to a driving range and learning how to swing the clubs and stuff. I think Vikki is gonna learn with us too. We think it would be something new to learn, and fun. We are waiting til next summer so that we have time to research the local golfing scene and so we can have the money to do it. It will surely be interesting.

Oh Kristina! How I miss you! December is like forever from now... It's like... SIX WHOLE MONTHS FROM NOW!!!

I am going to go roll up some stuff with my Katamari... Or draw.... Or read... I don't freakin know. OWWWW!!! CLAWS IN MY FREAKING TOES!!! Sweet jesus, make it stop... I think she's saying I love you.... *trying not to move, moving only antagonizes the monster*

There's Nothing That I Can Say That Can Matter

Wow, apparently I don't know my own strength... Renee and I were going through our morning routine, she was making a pot of coffee and I was washing out my coffee cup that I bring "my coffee" in. When I went to get a paper towel and tear it off the roll, the freaking paper towel holder SNAPPED and went flying at Renee. Cheap, old plastic. It scared the bejeezus out of us. I'll take a pic and post it later.

I have noticed the past few days that if I just finger comb my hair after I wash it, and let it dry down, it has these amazing big barrel style curls. I know I got that from my mother, I will have to thank her for it someday. "Thanks Mom for the amazing hair!"

It's Friday, I am so freaking happy about that. I found another reason to love Collin's job, he got free movie tickets! He got two for Get Smart, and two for Hellboy 2! AWESOMENESS!

See, we generally don't like going to the movies cause you figure two tickets, that's about fourteen to eighteen dollars a movie, you might as well buy the fucker as soon as it comes out on DVD. Seriously, you pay, let's say, eighteen bucks to get in, plus another five to ten dollars for snacks or whatever, you're looking at almost THIRTY dollars. AND, what if the movie turns out to be total shit? At least with a DVD that sucks you can use it as a coaster.

I forgot to put lotion on this morning.... My hands feel dry. Luckily I have some uber yummy smelling pomegranate lotion here.... Phew.

Jim For Viva

Okay, Viva is a wonderful woman that I work with here at the collection agency. She is a sweet lady with the mouth of a sailor, and has lived an amazing life. She was married.... More than once. Her most recent hubby passed away a few years ago. After that she was never really looking for another companion, that is until Jim came along.

After almost seventy years on this planet, Viva found her soul mate. Jim was her other half. Just yesterday morning while we were all talking she mentioned how much she loves him (even when he frustrates her), and how lucky she was to have found him. The love she feels for him is stronger and deeper than the love she had for any of her husbands. That seems to be the way it works, you find "The One" when you aren't even looking.

Yesterday, shortly before 2pm, Jim was killed in a car accident. He was 78, and he was the love of her life. My heart breaks for her, to lose someone who means the world to you. I can't even begin to fathom the depth of the pain she is enduring right now. They were the cutest old couple in the world.

She just wants him to come home, now.

When I heard the news last night from my office manager, my mind didn't know how to process it. I was kind of like, "Okay....." After I got off the phone with Renee I went back to making the pasta salad that was for dinner, cutting up the mozzarella, and my brain started to process it and I started to cry. I stopped myself and calmed down. When Collin got home from physical therapy I was sitting on the couch and he asked me what was wrong, I just shook my head. He asked me again, and all I could do was stutter it out and started bawling.

I didn't know Jim that well, but I have really become attached to Viva and for her to suffer that kind of loss crushed me. All I could think was, "He won't ever call the office again..." I know that probably sounds odd, but now we get to the story behind the title of this blog.

I always thought it was a little funny, but whenever Jim would call Viva at work, after doing the greeting "Good morning/afternoon...blah blah." Jim would say, "Jim for Viva." Rather than saying, "Is Viva there?" and then me asking, "May I tell her who's calling?"

That was generally the extent of words between us unless she was on the phone then I would let him know and ask if he would like to hold or have her call him back. I saw him a few times when he would come to the office to bring Viva something, or whatever, and I saw how happy she was every time she saw him.

It was so sudden and such a shock to everyone, especially Viva. He had told her he was gonna stay home that day, how we all wish he had. Viva is surrounded with people that love her, and though it is a comfort, she wants him. Her identical twin sister is with her, as are her children and grandchildren. We (the office crew) all pitched in and sent her a floral arrangement, to let her know we are there for her and that we love her.

She called when she got them this afternoon, telling me how gorgeous they are, and how she put them next to Jim's chair so he could enjoy them too. It made me tear up all over again. Then she began asking about certain accounts of hers that she was hoping would pay, like everyone prior to me that she talked to I told her not to worry about that.

As cranky and ornery as Viva can be some days, I love her dearly, and have gained so much knowledge from her. She is a strong woman, and we all know she can come back from this, but until then my thoughts are with her, as is my heart. And I hope she knows how many people care about her.

Jim, may you rest in peace.

Plastic Cups, Styrofoam Plates, Thunder and Illegal Fireworks

We had a potluck at work today for the 3rd of July. Loads of fun, and way more food than the six of us employees can eat.

Last night I didn't sleep worth a damn. First at midnight, there was some jackass lighting off illegal fireworks... Someone called the cops on them, whoever they are, and thank god for that. OMG it pissed me off so much.

THEN at 2am I woke up suddenly because of the huge ass thunderstorm that passed over. I jerked awake and started looking around, absolutely certain that the cottage had just collapsed, and Collin started rubbing my back and was like, "It's just thunder and lightning, babe. Go back to sleep."

Just as I was on the verge of sleep, listening to the low rumbles of the sky, *SMACK-KABOOM*, another clap of thunder RIGHT OVER MY FUCKING HEAD. At least how it sounded to me, so I jerked my head up again, this would probably be the reason my neck is so stiff.

Oh well, on a brighter and happier note, I am going to the coast this weekend! I am gonna go visit my dad and my sister and nephew. Then I plan to go visit Tiara (my headgear) and her little one, Emma, and then Heather and her little one, Keira, not necessarily in that order. And I will probably go to the beach, and maybe some other places, take some pictures, and just sort of take a break from stuff. Collin will be staying home, and going to see his grandma.

I bought two CDs last night at Best Buy. I bought another Dashboard Confessional - Dusk and Summer CD that I didn't have yet, and, because the one song I heard by her was so freaking catchy, I bought Katy Perry's CD One of the Boys (I think that's the title, the cd is in the car).

Then Collin, my sweet, funny, odd Collin, got a Bass Mechaniks (I could be wrong on the spelling) CD, because he loves his bass, and a Josh Turner CD (Josh Turner is HOT!). What a freakin' combo there, country and techno-electronica-bumpiness. I love that man.

Well I think I have blabbed on enough for now. Only four and a half hours to go, I will almost definitely blog later this evening, and depending on how this afternoon plays out I will either be okay, or EXTREMELY DISGRUNTLED!! (I decided to sound more edjuhkated, rather than use pissed off.)

If I weren't laughing, I'd be crying.

Crotch Vomit

Okay, so I promised my husband that I would blog about this after it originally came up, and I am finally doing it. It's not as gross as it sounds.... Well it might be. I will warn you now, you may laugh so hard you fall out of your chair, in that case me or this blog are not to be held liable for any injuries you sustain in the fall. And, if you don't laugh, then you probably will just think this is stupid and gross. That pretty much describes a lot of my conversations with my husband, stupid, gross, and extremely funny.

Anywhoozle, I believe I was making dinner (this seems to be the time we have most of our weird discussions, or they happen while we get ready for and go to bed) and we were calling each other mean names, and I don't remember which one of us said it, but one of us called the other one "fuckface."

We then developed the name, technically to be a "fuckface" you would have to have genitals on your face. Then we slimmed it down to the "fuckface" being a female. Needless to say, she would have a vagina on her face where her mouth would be.

That being said, we began to ponder, "Where would her mouth be?"

We figure that if her vagina was on her face, logically speaking wouldn't her mouth then be where her vagina belongs? So it would be in her crotch. If her mouth was in her crotch and her vagina on her face then having intercourse would look like she is giving the dude a blow job, and when she is giving him a blow job it would look like normal person intercourse.

If the separate openings still performed the functions the are meant to, then wouldn't she have to shove food up her crotch to eat? And when she farts wouldn't she taste it, STRONGLY, since her mouth is right next to her anus? When she has a yeast infection wouldn't it ooze out of her vagina and dribble down her chin? I guess she would really now if there was a growing infection, being that her vagina would be right under her nose. I am not even gonna elaborate, I'll just say one word, menstruation... Eww, right? What about when she sneezes? How would that work being her nose is on her face and her mouth is in her crotch?

And then we get to what made the title of this blog, operating on the basis that the two organs would function as they would in their normal places, what happens when she vomits? Does she just squat over the toilet and puke out of her crotch? Hence Crotch Vomit.

We never really discussed this part, but I just thought about this: How would "fuckface" talk?

Give me your answers.

So yeah, at this point either you are laughing so hard you're close to tears or your abs hurt, OR you just think I am totally weird and gross, and wonder what the hell is wrong with me and my husband. Trust me this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to our "discussions." I hope my husband reads this outside of work, or he's gonna start laughing and his co workers will think he's crazy....

I am gonna go chill now, and wait for the finale of Hell's Kitchen to come on, maybe we will go for a walk in and hour if it's not as muggy then....

Don't hate the crazy, hate the insanity inducing society!

On and On, Reckless Abandon

That one line from an old Blink 182 song is stuck in my head. I haven't heard the song in ages...

I wish it was Thursday. Three day weekend. Woohoo!

I am probably going to go to the coast this weekend, see how my dad is doing, hopefully visit some people, and stuff like that. It will be maybe the second or third time I have gone over there by myself since Collin and I have been together... Weird... It is so CRAZY to think that we have been together for four years as of next month, and married for three. Wow.

It feels like it's been a lot longer, but not in a bad way. I just have a hard time imagining life before him, I mean I remember it, but yeah.... I don't know how to explain that right but I am sure people get it.

I haven't heard anything from that place yet. Maybe after the holiday. We will see.

It is my lunch time so I am going to eat my stir fry and potstickers.

Peace Out To All My Homies!!

I will prolly post again later.