Crotch Vomit

Okay, so I promised my husband that I would blog about this after it originally came up, and I am finally doing it. It's not as gross as it sounds.... Well it might be. I will warn you now, you may laugh so hard you fall out of your chair, in that case me or this blog are not to be held liable for any injuries you sustain in the fall. And, if you don't laugh, then you probably will just think this is stupid and gross. That pretty much describes a lot of my conversations with my husband, stupid, gross, and extremely funny.

Anywhoozle, I believe I was making dinner (this seems to be the time we have most of our weird discussions, or they happen while we get ready for and go to bed) and we were calling each other mean names, and I don't remember which one of us said it, but one of us called the other one "fuckface."

We then developed the name, technically to be a "fuckface" you would have to have genitals on your face. Then we slimmed it down to the "fuckface" being a female. Needless to say, she would have a vagina on her face where her mouth would be.

That being said, we began to ponder, "Where would her mouth be?"

We figure that if her vagina was on her face, logically speaking wouldn't her mouth then be where her vagina belongs? So it would be in her crotch. If her mouth was in her crotch and her vagina on her face then having intercourse would look like she is giving the dude a blow job, and when she is giving him a blow job it would look like normal person intercourse.

If the separate openings still performed the functions the are meant to, then wouldn't she have to shove food up her crotch to eat? And when she farts wouldn't she taste it, STRONGLY, since her mouth is right next to her anus? When she has a yeast infection wouldn't it ooze out of her vagina and dribble down her chin? I guess she would really now if there was a growing infection, being that her vagina would be right under her nose. I am not even gonna elaborate, I'll just say one word, menstruation... Eww, right? What about when she sneezes? How would that work being her nose is on her face and her mouth is in her crotch?

And then we get to what made the title of this blog, operating on the basis that the two organs would function as they would in their normal places, what happens when she vomits? Does she just squat over the toilet and puke out of her crotch? Hence Crotch Vomit.

We never really discussed this part, but I just thought about this: How would "fuckface" talk?

Give me your answers.

So yeah, at this point either you are laughing so hard you're close to tears or your abs hurt, OR you just think I am totally weird and gross, and wonder what the hell is wrong with me and my husband. Trust me this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to our "discussions." I hope my husband reads this outside of work, or he's gonna start laughing and his co workers will think he's crazy....

I am gonna go chill now, and wait for the finale of Hell's Kitchen to come on, maybe we will go for a walk in and hour if it's not as muggy then....

Don't hate the crazy, hate the insanity inducing society!