I Have a Deep Dark Secret

The weekend before this last one we purchased all the paint we need for the interior of the house. We also picked out hardware to bring the master bath into a cohesive idea. Some fixtures were chrome, others brushed nickel and then the lights are oiled bronze (the really dark finish). For now we are keeping the lights as is but opted to bring all else (except the tub and shower fixtures) into a brushed nickel finish.

Not to jump ahead of myself. I took last Thursday off to await the delivery of our new king sized bed from Ikea. With this distraction free day I finished the backyard. Pavers are down and that evening I seeded the grass. Here are some pictures:

The transformation is amazing... Now I just have to patiently wait another 3-5 weeks for the lawn to really establish itself... Thank goodness for all the near by parks.

Back to the paint. Me being me, I couldn't resist beginning to paint. So this past Friday night that is exactly what I did after the wee one went to bed. I painted the accent wall in the living room. Then Saturday proper I painted the accent wall in the dining room and the one in the entry way. After beddie bye time for the monster Collin and I went at the master bath and got it painted top to bottom. After all of this my hands were so sore and all of me beat up (still carried over from the yard) I decided no more painting for a couple weeks. Also, we had a lucky break of early summer like weather so we were able to have all the windows and such open last weekend. Now it is back to spring in Oregon-like weather. Here's what the rooms look like now.

The living room is in Gray Suede.

 The entry way is Haute Red.

 The dining room is Chocolate Eclair.

And the master bath is Winterhaven (it doesn't quite translate, but it is an off white with a blue gray tint to it).

The paint in the bathroom completely changed the tone of the room. The beige that it was before made it seem so dingy and rather dark (there is no natural light source). This color makes it seem so much brighter and just awesome.

We still have four rooms to go. The powder room, the hall (kids) bathroom, the princess' room, and our master bedroom. We're hoping to work on them in the next couple weeks.

Last night, for the first time in months, I went for an interval run (run/walk/run method). It was so freeing and amazing. Like, I can't begin to describe how awesome it made me feel. I forgot just how much joy running brings me. I mean, I knew how much I loved it and all the peace and so on, but to actually do it again was just beautifully wonderful. It was far from my fastest pace and it was just under a mile, but it is also just the beginning. I don't want to risk any chance of re-injury. That awesomeness resonated and carried over with me into today. I just felt awesome and glowing. Kind of like if you have ever gone any length without sex and then you have amazing sex it just leaves you floating. I know, not the best analogy but it was the first that came to mind. For any innocent virgins, it's like, um... Well, shoot. It's feels like accomplishing something really big. Yea... That's it. Tomorrow night is run numero dos and then Saturday I am going to try my luck at running with the mini me in the stroller (yes, it is a jogging stroller).

Okay, I have Pioneer Woman playing in the background while I post this (after done I plan to mini binge watch some anime) and I just noticed that the captions are way off... Like I think they are from a different show.... What ever....

I bet by now you forgot the title of this post. You did, didn't you? It's okay.

My secret is this. And when I say this is a deep dark secret, I mean, this is something I don't think I have even told Collin and I tell him EVERYTHING. Sorry, if you told me something, he probably knows. That is just the kind of relationship we have. We are one. Except, apparently, this one thing.

Something I have always, always wanted to do is play piano. I have been enamored with them since I was a small child. I have always wanted to learn, but lessons and the instrument itself are not cheap. Maybe in a past life I was a pianist. I don't know. I just know that my infatuation has been rekindled of late. I recently watched an anime series called (really rough translation) "You Lie In April" and it was focused on musicians; specifically pianists and violinists and it was like a spark.

The past week I have been listening to classical (and some newer) piano music on Pandora while at work and while I was painting. There is something in the melodies produced by pianos that really awakens some part of me. Partially my creative side, and partially my logical side. I find that I am really focused (and yes I know there are studies to support this) while listening but occasionally I find a composition that just catches me off guard and entrances me. Of course listening to it is like torture because it makes me want to learn how to play all the more.

And in the back of my mind I remember the piano at my mother in laws house when I lived with her. There was something that deeply saddened me about a piano that was just left to sit there like some glorified shelf. Collin's mom used to play (long before I entered their lives) I believe. Another of many things I wished she'd been able to teach me. Time is so fickle.

But, yes, that's it. I am a closet piano nerd who has no idea how to play.

Next post I will finally review the Alton Brown Protein Bars. They are delicious, but I have some ideas for some tweakage.

Take care.

Mostly Clean

Woohoo!!! My boys, the Detroit Red Wings, are in the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the 24th straight year! It is a good day.

For our April meal plan we are doing about (if I'm being honest) 90% clean eating. There are a few small things that aren't "clean" such as our blended caffeine boosts (only twice a week), and the odd day when we desperately need caffeine at work. I suppose this could be negated if I took some of my home made creamer (coconut milk based) to work for these instances... But that would be planning.

Tonight's deliciously wonderful clean dinner was a pineapple chicken stir fry with black bean sauce and brown rice. It was full of sugar snap peas, onions and red bell peppers (along with the obvious chicken and pineapple). For once I had the where with all to take a picture of it before I devoured it like a boa on feeding day. Yea, that's right I dislocated my job and swallowed it in one go... Okay not really, but it was good enough to want to.

This weekend I am going to give a go of making my own "protein bars" a la Alton Brown's recipe (which you can link to here). It's time to switch up our breakfasty snack. We had been doing these banana oatmeal no sugar cookie things with raisins and such in them, but I don't want to get burnt out on them. It was like kismet. We were watching Good Eats on Netflix last weekend and one of the episodes we watched was about healthy snack bar options. I also plan to try the other recipes on the episode. One was a granola bar and the other was a healthier take on crispy rice treats. I'll share the outcome on anything that I attempt.

For the past few days I have been drinking a detox water. I don't know that I feel any significant difference but I think I will still sip it for another week to make it a full two weeks. The particular detox water I went with is infused with green tea, lime, and mint. I find it to be bitter but passable. I am thinking next week I will add cucumber to help sweeten and tone down the tart bitterness. It'd probably taste great with some gin...

Next time, I might try the ever popular lemon, cranberry, dandelion tea detox water. The main thing I have noticed with all the detox and infused waters out there is that they are another way of getting people to focus on consuming enough water, which too few of us do.

As always I will keep you posted if I find some miracle detox drink that makes me drop 100 pounds and makes me look ten years younger in two weeks, but realistically I will mostly update you on the flavors and effects if any.

I am thinking May might be a paleo month. I am a big fan of the paleo eating method; it tends to be filling but not "heavy". June, not sure. July will be a raw vegan month I think, that or August. Height of summer and all would be the ideal time to do it. Hrm... maybe June will be a soup month. And to allay any fears, when we go on these different eating methods each month I keep in mind that I am also feeding a toddler. Thankfully, she continues to be fairly adventurous and will try almost anything once.

Watching the very first episode of Grey's Anatomy tonight, and OMG the flashbacks. I first started watching this show day one with my mother in law. It became our weekly ritual; back then it was on Sundays.

Ta ta til the next post! Happy Friday tomorrow!

Progress is Massive

For the most part I am going to let the pictures speak for the transformation our new yard has underwent. It is so close to being completed, and I will share those photos when it is done as well.

*~*~*~Sorry distracted by the final minutes of a Red Wings Game~*~*~*

But yea, the yard was essentially a gut job. It was filled predominately by this faded, rotting, obnoxious deck. Also, with how high it was it made me feel like a creeper because I could just look right over my neighbor's fences and into their yards.

This is it, this is the yard/deck as it was when we moved in. Also this is the way the flora looked as well.

So as you can see the yard was very broken up. The tree growing right by the house became our Christmas tree this year. And the other (a Port Orford Cedar) just needed to be trimmed up.

So next is the progression as the deck disappeared.

All the scrap wood went to my dad (as mentioned in my last post). All the cinder blocks and bricks I plan to repurpose in the new world.

And now, the transformation of the yard itself. Well mostly the side yard. I will add more in the next few weeks as the yard is really put together, but even with these you can see how much more open the yard looks. It has made a huge difference.

Sorry, some of the pictures might be redundant redundant, but oh well, my blog my rules.

That's sadly all I have energy for tonight. I want to get in a workout of sorts. I call it my anime workout. Any of you who watch anime or have watched know this, but anime tends to have fairly long opening credits and closing credits. What I do while watching is I do crunches during the start of one episode, squats through the end, and jumping jacks through the beginning of the next. I keep doing this circuit for at least 2-3 episodes. It's a nice way to enjoy some of my guilty pleasure anime shows and still get in a workout. :-)

Next post I will try to share some food related stuff of some sort... That reels people in right? LOL

Hope you survived your Tuesday! 

Brain Dump Needed, Stat!

Oh my... Bwah, just life in general. Wow. Never boring, never dull, and never enough time. But, hey, I couldn't imagine it any different.

Last month there was some drama that I am still not sure how I feel about my involvement. I feel a bit played, but that's my own fault because of my nature. Someday I will get it... No, no, not really. I will always be kind, caring, and see the best in people even if it's not really there.

I'd like to believe I ultimately dealt with the emotions and frustration I felt after said events in a healthy manner. I threw myself into tons of projects, did some pampering things for myself, and relished in the peace and serenity time spent with my spouse and child provide.

I took a couple days off the week of everything. With our four day weekend we accomplished so much. On Thursday we completed the demolition of the old deck in our backyard (the progression of this will be in my next post; I need to upload some photos from my camera) and rented a u-haul to load up all the lumber and take to my dad. I personally loaded every scrap of wood by myself... We are talking a roughly 20' x 20' deck with all its support framing. Collin was/is still recovering from a herniated disc last month so I had him ride herd on the little demon. By the time I was done I felt like I did after I completed my fist half marathon (and runs of equal distance); sore, exhausted, broken, and ravenously hungry. Collin warmed up our dinner (left overs from the night before) and kept me comfortable.

Speaking of the demon child; she was home from daycare that day after she woke up at 10:30pm expelling every molecule in her stomach. No fever or anything. The only culprit we believed sparked the Exorcism impression from her was a produce sticker. Specifically an apple label. There was still some apple skin attached to the sticker so I know it's not like she found the sticker and ate it... It was probably missed in the kitchen at daycare and my little monster was the unfortunate child that consumed it. She was fine and we were able to get her to relax enough by 1:30 am to go back to bed. Thursday morning she was fine but to be safe we kept her home. I had called and left an extremely polite message before we went to be after she went back down explaining that she wouldn't be there and why.

Friday we got coffee, took her to daycare and then took the u-haul to my dad and unloaded the lumber in record time (I had to get back home by 1pm so I could get ready for my doctor appointment at the fracture clinic). We went into town from my dad's and returned the u-haul (we had traded all the lumber with him for twenty two 12 x 12" paver stones), got some lunch at the best little deli ever (Deli 101), and then speed raced from the coast to home so I could change and get to my appointment.

The appointment went fabulously. My foot is all healed with some nice new bone having grown, and NO MORE BOOT!! The doctor asked me if there was anything in particular I was anxious to get back to doing and I told him running. He advised to stick to a brisk walk for a few more weeks but otherwise I am okay to return to normal activity.... Little does he know, with the boot, I never really stopped. That is my biggest weakness I believe, I have a hard time "taking it easy".

That Saturday I had a dentist appointment and we did some shopping, and I did some more grueling labor in the yard. I finished digging up the cement support blocks and picking up all the trash. I also pulled up all the plastic sheeting that was under about three inches of old mulch in the part of the yard not covered by the deck. I will be re-purposing it when I lay down the pavers. I began to rake the entire yard.

I honestly am not 100% sure what I did that Sunday other than laundry.

Last weekend I treated myself to my first ever pedicure accompanied by a really great friend. It was awesome and magical. It was wonderful getting to visit with my friend too; some much needed therapy. Afterwards, the flim flam and I went to Ikea and got some new dishes for the wee one and for us grown-ups. While there we began to entertain the idea of getting a new bed. Since the aforementioned herniated disc, Collin needs a more firm and supportive mattress. Our current bed is an eight year old pillow top and has seen me at my max weight... So it's a little worse for wear...

After much discussion and research on our part we decided yes, it is time to get a new bed.

This weekend was amazing and fun. We took our little angel to her first Easter egg hunt. She made out like a bandit. Two new stuffed animals (a dog and a pig), some fun plastic eggs, and another soccer ball. This one is green and pink. After the company party where said egg hunt was we went back to Ikea and spent about forty five minutes flopping around on beds. We found a winner, got a new comforter, and duvet cover. Paid for it all and then scheduled delivery and haul away. The lame part of it? We are two miles more from Ikea than we were at our last place. Two miles. But, that is apparently Out of the Area. And, even more fun, they only deliver to our area on Thursdays, and they are booked this next week. So no new bed until the 16th. Oh, well, I know it could be worse. We could be getting no new bed at all. Such is life.

Today, we went to Lowe's and priced out all that we need to update the fixtures in our master bath and all the paint we need to pain various accent walls, the bathrooms, our room, and the little princess' room. After much deliberation, we have found the paint colors for all the areas needed. It will be another fun transformation to share with you.

I'm sure there is some I have skipped over, but I'll blame the fact my new glasses aren't here yet because surely that effects my ability to type as is obvious by the length of this post.

Yea, we'll go with that.

Tomorrow night or Tuesday, we'll go over the progress of our backyard transformation.

I promise.

There Is No Magical Remote; Time Will Not Be Undone

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every choice there are consequences. For every act someone will react.

After waiting sometime, I find that I am happy I am not posting on the topic I originally planned.

To be honest, the more I reflected upon my feelings and my thoughts behind the post germinating and festering in my mind last night the more I realized it would do nothing to make me feel better. It would have made me just as mean and negative as the very thing that had got under my skin.

This past weekend was a trial that will go down as a lesson learned in life. The sad fact is that this lesson was one I have learned a million times over. Certainly, this time would have been different. Right?

Wrong. So very wrong.

People will always manipulate and use another person's heartfelt love and kindness to their own ends, and without a second thought to the consequences and pain they could cause.

Another lesson I needed to be reminded of is that if your heart and head are so full of discord and unrest, you need to take a step back and ask yourself, if you remove the ties (familial, friendship, etc.) would you still be doing whatever you are planning to do? What would your actions do to change or improve the situation? If you find that the answer is no or nothing, then it may sadly be time to step back and remove your variable from the equation.

This can be the hardest thing to do. It's hard to be a spectator, especially when you feel you have a chance to change the world. Just remember, you can change the world but you cannot change another person's heart.

I hate to be a passive spectator. It's hard for me.

In this instance, after conferring with so many people about it, I was still torn about how I could handle the situation. Ultimately, after talking to the person who was at the center of the entire mess and the other major players I knew it was time to let go. I had to take myself out of the equation.

It led to a bucket of tears as well as some dramatic fake sobbing from the other party, but I know that I did what was best for me and my immediate family. Someday, the other branches and twigs of my tree will understand; some sooner than others.

The cement that helped me build the wall around my heart with regards to parties involved was whilst "sobbing" the person would look at their phone and message people with no emotion at all, and then resume the crocodile tears. They showed no remorse for the fact that I was upset and saddened by all of it. They cared not for the fact I was wasting (yes, at this time it was a waste) my time talking to this ignorant and ungrateful person instead of spending time with my child. Even before it all came to this angry and emotional head, not a single thank you was uttered for anything. Nor was there a straight and honest answer to a single direct question. Within minutes of this all being over it was posted how "it all worked out as it should have." Well, there you go. Vacation over.

I hope someday this person will wake up and realize how selfish they are. She has my forgiveness, but I will never forget how she tried to play me.

I imagine this makes little sense, and I'm sorry for that. I decided it was best to be the mature and sensible person I am. What I originally wanted to do was along the lines of dog shaming a person who is obviously emotionally and mentally fragile, and whether they ever saw it or not (even with the name and such censored) I knew in my heart it was wrong, immature, and down right mean.

The next post will be lighter, and maybe even have some food related stuff in it.  For now I am waiting for the waters to calm, and for me to find my center again.

I Feel Like Something

I'm sitting here with a million thoughts on my mind feeling the urge to do something. I could pop up and do some squats and crunches and other healthy activity things. Instead I am imagining what it will feel like when I can start running again.

In the last couple weeks I feel like I am transforming. Okay, so I am a little late to the game. I know I have been transforming over the past few years, but just recently it has become so much more apparent to me. The biggest wake up to me about how far I have come was when I went into Old Navy and Kohls and was able to comfortably shop in the "Misses" rather than the "Women's" section... I never did get why the plus sized areas in some stores was called the "Women's" sections....

Anyways.

I pretty much bought a whole new work wardrobe. The only thing I am truly lacking is pants. It is so hard to find pants right now that fit correctly. Many of the regular sized pants are somewhat snug, and in some cases too snug around the thighs, but the plus sized ones all seem way too big. I am thinking I will suffer through the pants I have for a couple more months and try to slim down some more.

Work has been boring and chaotic at the same time. It's the lull of the year. Within the next few weeks I have no doubt it will be pretty interesting and busy. I am fine with this. I love the challenge of a busy and almost over loaded day. It keeps work interesting and fun for me. Give me my music and I am good to go.

The biggest thing with work is that it is the time for our annual raises. I am pleased with mine, and am glad to be recognized for all my efforts. Money isn't everything, but when you are trying to pay off the last remnants of bills it sure does help. One thing I have decided to do out of the bit of excess I will see in my next check is to treat myself.

Next week, after payday, I go in for my foot follow up appointment, and I have high (but guarded) hopes that my foot will be healed and I can say sayonara to the boot. That weekend I want to treat myself to some new shoes (no heels :-() and my first official pedicure.

This kind of goes back to the transformation I have been becoming more aware of. I don't want to say I am becoming more girly necessarily, but I have this desire to look nice and polished. Including my fingers and toes. I have this bizarre desire to paint my nails, and of course right now I can't paint my left index fingernail while I continue to wait for it to heal completely from my smashing birthday. I suppose that doesn't have to keep me from polishing the remaining nine.

I am feeling rather disjointed too. It's like the longer I can't run the more jumbled my thoughts seem to get. I am not expecting to get back to it until April, but oh, to imagine it brings me so much peace. It doesn't clear my head but knowing how close I am to being able to resume it calms me down when I start feeling anxious. Weird, right? But it's true, my running helps with my anxiety. I know for a fact I have mentioned that running is to me what meditation is to a yogi. It is my higher plane of existence.

I just want to end this with the fact that I love my husband and am eternally grateful for the deep connection we have. Our minds can sometimes seem so connected and it amazes me. He just asked me if I want him to shut up (this will give him a reference point as to where I was).

Oh hey, so there was a family reunion for my dad's side of the family this past weekend it was great. The wee one tried pineapple for the first time, and that is what I will leave you with. I love my life.

Feeling Fabulously Focused for a Fanstastical February Frolic

How's that for alliteration?

The first month of my thirties has been fun and interesting. Since I have not posted since the end of last month I considered holding out on you all and waiting until Sunday to post something and then claim I forgot February but it was an awesome month and I don't think I could forget it.

Starting with my thpectacular thirtieth birthday. The first thing I did was call the doctor and make an appointment to get my left foot checked out. I'll go in depth on the why and the outcome further on. Made an appointment for the following Friday. Then Collin gave me my first present of the day; a beautiful 10" by 20" cast iron griddle/grill pan. This is something I have wanted FOREVER - even more so after we moved into our house with it's glorious gas range. I use it at least once a week for Sunday breakfast.

The second gift (not pictured) was that Collin had made an appointment to get my lip pierced. It was quick with minimal swelling and is almost completely healed. I love it, and can't wait to start changing up the jewelry next month. Of course to finish off the fabulous day I slammed my finger in the car door. The scab left from the injury is now almost to the end of my finger nail (from growing out) and I am morbidly curious to see what happens in the next week when it makes it all the way to the end... This picture was minutes after it happened.

All in all it was a great birthday, and as I previously shared I am ready and very excited to officially be in my thirties! I had so much fun, and enjoyed goofing off with my hubby and my little one.

Even with all of this awesomeness the aforementioned left foot was in some pretty serious pain. The foot had been bothering me intermittently for a couple of months. The root of it started due to symptoms of plantar fasciitis in my heel. In order to alleviate the discomfort I was trying to ignore I think I compensated with over pronation (walking more on the blade of your foot). This led to what felt like muscle/tendon strain around my fifth metatarsal (the bone leading to the pinky toe). I tried to take it easy but continued to wear heels because I'm an idiot. The heels helped relax the pain I felt in my plantar fascia. I tried to take it easy otherwise and had made a deal with myself at the beginning of January that if my foot still felt sore by my birthday I would make an appointment. Halfway through the month my foot was feeling better. I figured by my birthday if still no pain I could start running again. Then it all went south very quickly.

The real serious pain started the Tuesday before my dirty thirty. I wore a pair of heels I hadn't worn in a year or so. I don't think I rolled my foot or anything during the day but on the drive home I felt this sharp searing pain around the area that had been sore on the top outside region of my foot. I drive an automatic so my foot was not doing anything spectacular, it was just chilling there like the lazy bastard it is. The pain still seemed to come and go so me being me pushed on through the week. The only way I could explain the level of pain was that it was very similar to the pain I felt when I broke my right foot in 2013.

I made an appointment to see someone (not even my regular doctor, that's how uncomfortable it was) for the Friday post birthday. I limped around for the next few days, grinning and bearing it, but by Monday afternoon it was evident I couldn't make it to Friday, I needed to know what was going on. Tuesday I called to try and get in earlier, but nada. The super awesome person I spoke with informed me that they could see cancellations at 6am and to try back the next morning. So I did, and was happy to hear they had an appointment available that morning. I went in, the doctor poked at my foot, talked about the symptoms, and sent me down to get x-rays. They did a quick scan of the films before I left and she didn't see any obvious signs of a fracture (this later baffled me and you'll understand why) but they were going to refer it to podiatry for review.

Next day the doctor calls and informs me there is a small fracture in my fifth metatarsal and if I still have my post op shoe from my right foot break I should be wearing that and they will get me referred to the fracture clinic. Got that sucker scheduled for the 13th, and had fun wearing my super awesome shoe for the next week. Friday the 13th (my lucky day) arrived and off to the fracture clinic I went. I get back to the cast room (all their appointments are in the "cast room") and the doctor comes over. He asks me if they had informed me I had a Jones Fracture. I told him no and asked for details. He said I broke my left foot in the exact same place as my right foot and proceeded to show me my films from the previous week. He also requested I have additional films taken. The below is the film from my right foot from June 2013. If you were to take this film and mirror it you would have a great indication of what my left foot look likes on the inside. Now you should be able to understand my bafflement at the fact the very sweet doctor didn't see any immediate fractures....

Super fun part of my appointment? When the x-ray tech took film of the wrong part of my foot (my ankle) walked me back to the cast room just for them to have to send me back to x-ray to get film of the correct part of my body. After the second trip to x-ray (thank god it's around the corner and down the hall from the fracture/cast area) the doctor went over the films with me and told me he was putting me in a boot. I asked why, and explained my last break was treated via ace bandage wrap and the post op shoe. He was appalled by this. I explained the fracture clinic must have been booked because they couldn't squeeze me in until over six weeks post injury for my consult. He then mentioned I could take the boot or he would put me in a cast. I quickly agreed to the boot. I have a follow up appointment March 20th. Fingers crossed I am all healed up and given the all clear to run. Oh, to run again... I daydream about it. Right now I would look like half of a young Forrest Gump.

For Valentine's day, being us, we did nothing spectacular. Just went out and bought a new fridge. We had to wait a week to get it delivered and the old one hauled away, but as you will see it was worth it. A picture is worth a thousand words and OMG I love this fridge so freaking much I just want to make out with it.

Because one of us being decently injured wasn't enough with a toddler running around, poor Collin strained a muscle in his back. It was bad enough that he was unable to sit or really stand comfortably. We were supposed to go to the Spring Home & Garden show this past Sunday, but it ended up just being a mommy daughter day so he could get into urgent care. The doctor gave him a note and two prescriptions to help and reiterated his need for the stretches he is supposed to do for the injury he received eight years ago when he was rear ended on I-5. Last night was the first time he was able to sleep in bed since last week. Poor thing was sleeping on the floor and then the futon. He finally seems to be feeling somewhat better.

We make quite the pair, huh? Busted foot me, and jacked up back him. We know how to keep shit exciting. Have I mentioned how fast string bean is when she wants to be??

More excitement is just around the corner, I'm sure. I've missed you all, and hope you have missed me just as much.