Reconciling with the Butterfly

It's difficult, but in a good way. I am working on reconciling the me that I have been for so very long with the me that I am growing into. Collin and I have been at the running thing for over a month now, and our diet is back on track. I was slightly disappointed to find that I only lost three pounds in January, but I take heart in knowing that my body is changing whether or not the scale is a testament to it.

I know that there has been a big change because of the way clothing fits me now. Or rather doesn't... The majority of my current wardrobe is quickly becoming too big which sucks because I really am not ready to go out and buy new clothes... PLUS I know that I will most likely continue to out-shrink (really there is no adequate term for the reverse of outgrowing) my clothes. I guess it will be a matter of buying a couple staples here and there on sale and what not.

This is me being insanely open, but hey, what else is a blog for but a way to bare your soul to complete strangers (and the occasional good friend): As I recently posted, I have dropped two sizes in the last six weeks or so. TWO.... It's just insane and unheard of for me... As long as I can remember back, since I was around fifteen or sixteen I have been a size 26. At first I thought it was just this one particular brand of jeans that were just super awesome at making women feel fantastic. Then I tried on the jeans at Target this past weekend... A size 22... 22!!!! And they fit almost better than the super awesome jeans I bought a couple weeks ago. It was surreal. So very surreal. I didn't buy the jeans on this visit, right now I need to look at getting a couple new tops. It's weird to be going through this transformation, but in the same breath it's so mind blowingly awesome.

Collin finds it humorous the way I go on about it, and (since he too is on this journey of awesome transformation) I know he understands why I go on about it. I knew I could do this, he knew I could do this, we knew we could do this, but as it's happening it still seems so shocking that it is happening. Part of the shock for me is that since I was fourteen (yes, the young age of fourteen) I have tried almost everything under the sun: diets, workout videos, pills (even prescriptions from my doctor as a teen), and at one point just not eating other than the bare minimum (which was part of what put me where I was before these past couple years); and not a single thing ever got me feeling the way I do right now. Ever.

My next big wish/goal? Other than getting faster at running and getting strong enough to go for longer intervals of running? Other than being able to run greater distances with out tiring? Other than being able to complete my first half marathon in May? I want to be able to shop at Old Navy! Not just online. I effing hate, HATE shopping online for clothes. Everything is always cut differently and I hate doing exchanges. I am like one or two sizes away from being able to buy ON jeans in the store!!!! Weird but true. I want what any woman wants: to be able to shop with the "normal" looking people. I want to walk into the store, over to the denim wall, grab my size, try them on, and buy the em effers all in the same freaking day!

Okay, okay... Let me get my not-as-fat-as-it-once-was ass down from my soap box.

What can I say? I feel strongly about buying jeans. LOL.

Oh, on to current events: I got my last birthday gift from Collin today, and I am NEVER taking it off!!! He got me a super awesome t-shirt that I plan to post pictures of tomorrow. I am wearing it to work and it is going to ROCK! Best. Husband. Ever. I haz him. I love you, swedish asian man. <3

Off to see the wizard about a goat.