This weekend was really good. We went to see Collin's grandma at the nursing home in Canby. Some of the old peoples there kind of creep me out in a sad sort of way. This is why: while sitting and visiting with Grams this other old lady sat about eight feet a way the entire time, and you could tell she was listening because if we talked quieter she scooted closer. Creepy and sad. We mostly went to let Grams know we were okay (since word of our situation had made its way to her ears... Thanks MIL...) and to see how she was. She looked as good as you can expect an eighty year old woman (who has lived a really hard life and survived not one, not two, but THREE bouts with cancer {uterus, boob, and other boob}) to look.
Then I decided to make cupcakes, and banana bread muffins. I made strawberry cupcakes with chocolate frosting. I took most of them to work and they just vanished... I guess they like my baking. To frost the cupcakes I decided to use a freezer bag. I put the frosting in it and cut a corner off. I almost died laughing because it (as I am sure you could guess) looked like a bag of crap. We called it my colostomy bag. It looked gross. After all the cupcakes were sufficiently frosted I ate some of the frosting from the bag. Collin saw me and said, "Ewww! You eat your own poop!"
My response to him was, "Mmmmm, it tastes like chocolate...."
"I don't even want to know why or how your poop tastes like chocolate..." He said.
Then to the cat (who was walking toward the kitchen to see what I was doing) Collin said, "Spaz, don't go near mommy. She eats her own feces and it's a good sign she may be crazy."
After this was over, I went to set up coffee for the next morning and I couldn't help but notice the insane similarity between the way a coffee filter is shaped and the way those little paper cupcake thingies are shaped. So my question is: Which came first, the coffee filter or the paper cupcake thingies? If you know the answer please leave me a comment and enlighten me.
Sunday we went to Minto Brown and went for a walk on a path we hadn't taken before. As we walked along the path we came to a part where another path, an unpaved path, branched off of the one we were on. Collin said to me, "We don't want to take that one. It's one made by the mob and they use that path when they need to whack someone."
I figured he was probably right. After all, you can't let the serenity of the woods fool you, the mob will kill you.
Eventually we reached a part where a sign showed the blue loop(the loop we were "following") went off onto a "soft surface trail" aka as DIRT. We decided to continue on the pavement, but then got onto the dirt path that was supposed to be the blue loop. It was a blast. Not really... It was muddyish. We came upon a bench but were leary to sit on it, as everyone knows that that is what the mob wants you to do. Then they will kill you and drag you back to a pond or something and let your corpse sink into the unending mud and muck never to be recovered. Then as we rounded a bend we thought we saw a bridge ahead of us, but nay. It was two fence railings on either side of a section where the trail had washed away during a flood or something. We had to go down a bank to this rocky crossing and back up the other bank. Finally after thinking we were lost forever, meant to wander Minto Brown like so many other lost souls, we came back to a paved trail. As we cautiously walked out onto the pavement like wild animals crossing a road, we realized it was the path we had originally passed and agreed was a possibly deadly mob trail... Thank god we survived. I know that if I was truly, completely lost in the woods my sanity would quickly evaporate thanks to my imagination. If the mob doesn't get me the hobbits will....
I figure it's better to have an overactive imagination versus an overactive prostate. If you have an overactive prostate you should be concerned. Luckily, I don't have a prostate.
I have a lot more to say, but this has turned into a long post and you probably need to pee, unless you wear depends, then you can just pee your pants. I guess you could pee your pants either way, but without depends it would be so much messier...
Why did I have a tissue in my sweatshirt pocket on February 18th?
This and so much more will be answered on the next post. Peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment