I Must Have Missed That Memo....

I guess Collin and I are an "Anti-Valentine's Day" couple... Or so I was informed... On Valentine's Day.... AFTER I had already found the cutest sweetest card ever that was completely and utterly perfect given where we are at in our lives. I was let in on this little secret Saturday morning at the gas station.... I was like, "Oh...." Apparently Collin's boss earlier in the week had mentioned to Collin that he figured we were "One of those couples" that doesn't celebrate V-Day. Collin agreed with this. Again, I must have missed that memo.... I love him dearly, and it really doesn't matter, but it was surprising none the less since in the previous FOUR Valentine's Day he has always done something amazingly unexpected and romantic.... Shocking....

On another note: It was AWESOME getting to see my uncle on Friday. I hadn't seen him since before Collin and I got married. His new wife Sara(h) seems really cool, and a hell of a lot better for him than the previous wives. And Jenn brought Cassidy and Jordan, which it was fun to watch the two of them getting to spend time with each other (they really don't get to see each other all to often). My mom was there too. She was living it up; she got to see her little brother, her son, and her grandkids. I think it was really good for her.

Jenn & Cassidy... She's almost as tall as her mom... She's ONLY eleven!!

Jenn, Cassidy and Jordan.Uncle Sheldon, Grandma, and Mom

Saturday was... Just a Saturday... I called the place I got my hair done last and the person who did such a fanfreakingtastic job on my hair wasn't there anymore, but the guy gave me the number of the salon she went to, I called over there and she was there so I went in and had a trim. I went a little bit shorter so I won't have to go back for about five to six weeks versus four. I was so glad I was able to find her, and she told me she didn't plan on leaving where she's at now any time soon. *phew*

Sunday was better than expected... I have been a tad little depressed recently and it kind of hit me like a sledgehammer Sunday. I just did not see a reason to get out of bed. Collin managed to convince me to get up at 12:30. We had breakfast (well, brunch) and went for a nice walk. I was surprised how "warm" it was. We were able to have a really good talk about all that's been going on with our "financial" stuff. And for the last couple weeks I have been mulling over a decision, one that I couldn't make lightly.

I needed to decide whether I wanted to continue to look for another job OR take a raise from my current employer (this was one of the things that had really brought me "down" in the past weeks). They had made me an offer once they knew how serious I was about needing better pay, but I felt guilty accepting it even though I need it and more than deserve it. After our walk yesterday I was able to make a decision, one that made them extremely happy, and I am pretty sure it made me really happy too. As much as I bitch and vent about how much I loathe working where I am at, I have it pretty good there. Yea, there may not be some amazing benefits, but deep down I know that I work for good people who really do need me. So if you haven't guessed as much, I am staying where I am working, and I promise I made sure I got a good "deal". And now I know Collin and I will be okay until he gets a new job, and that's what this was ultimately about.

Wii Fitness TIME!!! **Screamed in an "asian" accent**

Dolphins With Lasers

I bet you started laughing just thinking about how funny a dolphin would look with a laser strapped to its head. I think it would be scary... Like that episode of the Simpsons where the dolphins come out of the water and take over and herd all the humans into the water.

Right now I am at work, trying to while away the minutes (hours) until 1:30pm when I get to leave!! It'll be weird leaving work early....

I pulled credit reports on debtors this morning thinking it would at least keep me occupied until eleven... WRONG! I was done at 9:45! Sonofabitch! Oh well, I still have to do the posting before I go, and there are some mail returns and address corrections to input.... Ugh. I am too efficient...

What ever you do don't go to a place called Camp Crystal Lake today. It's Friday the 13th, and if you go there (or anywhere with a similar name) you could get hacked up into a million tiny pieces and sold as stew meat.

Something you never want to hear your significant other say (unless you know them well enough to know they mean it in a "good" way, not an abusive way) : "When I am around you I get slap happy." Seriously, how does that sound out of context and not knowing what was happening at the exact moment when it was said? Think about it.

Ohmygod.... I still have three freaking hours left.... *starts sobbing* Why god? Why?!?!

Ugh.

My Happy Is So Body For This Moment

It was actually supposed to be "My body is so happy for this moment." But as you can tell that is not how it came out. My mind was totally muddled and Collin was giving me a back rub when we went to bed one night, and (as seems to be the case lately) I was exhausted.

We always seem to have our weirdest/bestest conversations when we are either going to sleep, or making dinner...

Take tonight for example: While making dinner (I am not going into the "why" this was said) he said, "Give me a few minutes and I'll show you what a broken ass feels like." Tell me that doesn't sound wrong. It does, doesn't it?!

Then after my shower, we were sitting on the bed and talking about job stuff and Spaz was laying there so that the three of us kind of formed the points of a triangle, and Collin (in a really creepy deep voice) said, "This is Satan! Your lord and master!" And Spaz perked up and started looking around like "Oooo, master!" She is evil.... But good evil I think... Now I am sure you are wondering why he made that random seeming comment, and it was during a talk about The Salvation Army and religion in the work place... And we were talking about how to best "freak out" the bible thumpers (***disclaimer***: I have nothing against Christian people, or the people of any faith, sometimes they just seem to have something against me and my heathenistic husband...). It was a good laugh.

You know, I wish there was some magical decision making faery for when you have a really really really tough decision to make, that could just pop up, lay out the pros and cons, shake a magic eight ball, and be like, "Okay Alicia, this is what you need to do, and this is why it should be done this way." It would make life a little bit easier. Obviously you'd have to have a limit as to how many decisions your faery can make for you, like wishes from a genie in a lamp, three or something. I would probably use one of my decisions on the shit I am dealing with right now. Maybe it could also tell me what I need to say about the decision...

At work this past week I seem o constantly be adrift in a sea of endless paperwork. I am finally getting it back under control. It would already be under control but I had to train a new employee last week, which is time consuming. I think I will be entirely caught up by Wednesday of next week. Or maybe Friday the 20th...

I am actually using a whole two and a half hours of vacation time on Friday the 13th. Collin and I are both getting off work early (me at 2:30), going to Corvallis to pick up Joshua, and then going to my grandma's for a visit. My uncle Sheldon is going to be there and I haven't seen him since before Collin and I got hitched. He is flying in with his newer wife from Boston late Thursday night, then spending Friday day and night at my grandma's and then going to see his daughters in Kalama before flying back to Boston on Saturday. I am so excited to see him.

I think that unless you are a man, you should NOT have the last name of "Man" or "Mann". I see a lot of weird names in my job like, Gay, Whitebread, and Le Box, but when I see a chick named something like Mary Jane Man I have this urge to laugh until I pee myself. Maybe I am still a little immature at times, but I think I have a healthy sense of humor.... Okay, maybe I have a disturbing sense of humor...

Yet another reason why I married my husband: If I were to stop shaving he would braid my armpit hair. I wonder if he'd put some pretty pony beads on the braid.... But yeah, he is teh awesome. This next bit is for him (assuming he will read this):

| <3 Y 0 |_| |2 |= 4 ( 3, L | |< 3 |-| 4 |2 |) ( 0 |2 3 !!

If he does read this I will expect some sort of response from him, if not... Oh well, I'll just beat him until he pees blood...

I need to set up the coffee for tomorrow... Thank god for the "Delay Brew" feature on our awesome coffee maker... Good wedding present.

I'll Strangle You With Your Nipples

You can thank my brother for what follows... He is the one who ignited the spark of genius that created this.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is a story of how I came to be the awesomeness that I am.

Li Li: The Ninja Pirate

It all started when I pulled into a friendly harbor. After months of pirating, pillaging and plundering I decided it was time for a respite from the blessed sea. I found a lively tavern where the booze was flowing and the male whores were clean. I got a few drinks in me and started to feel it more rapidly than normal, by about the thirteenth round I began to think someone had quite possibly drugged my grog. As the bar wench brought me my next drink everything just sort of faded out to black...

I have no idea how much time passed before I came out of the deep fog, but when I came to my wrists and ankles were bound and I had been blindfolded with some foul smelling rag. I began to make a ruckus (I have always wanted to use that word...ruckus) and was quickly rewarded with a crack to the back of my head. The fade out was much quicker this time.

The next time I awoke I found my self on a pallet in a small cell. My bindings were no more and I was able to move, though stiff and sore from who knows how long of traveling and being restrained. I peaked out a tiny window in the wall and gazed upon nothing but mountainous terrain. I strained my feeble human ears but could not hear the comforting lull of the mighty ocean's waves crashing upon the shore.

Behind me some unnoticed villain cleared his throat. I turned prepared to draw my sword from my scabbard only to find myself completely unarmed. Before me stood a tiny (he could not have been taller then four foot seven inches) monk. He was adorned in a black robe, and had small shrubs of stark white hair growing from ears the size of dinner plates. It was then that I noticed I too wore a similar black robe, though thankfully mine was much larger.

"Where the hell am I?"

"You are in the Shrine of the Dilapidated Donkey, and to save you the trouble, I am known as Hu Fung Dung, and I am now your mentor."

"What the hell do I need a mentor for? I'm a freaking pirate!"

"Ah, yes... But I can make you more than a pirate. I can make you *drum roll into a crescendo* A Ninja Pirate!"

So I let the little short dude take me under his tutelage (which sounds dirty...)and spent months and months training in the cold, snowy mountains, yearning for the salty sea air and the roll of the waves beneath my ship.

Finally the day came when the student became the master, and I was able to beat Hu Fung Dung in hand to hand combat. I was rewarded with The Belt of Five Monkey Fists, which was tastefully designed with each fist's middle finger extended.

So I took my belt and my other meager belongings that someone had so thoughtfully taken along when they "kidnapped" me (for lack of a better term), and I set out on my adventure to the sea and back to my awaiting ship.

I spent several weeks traversing the countryside headed in the direction Hu Fung Dung so kindly pointed me in. I came across many perils and overcame them all. The scariest of which was when I encountered the armored baboons riding the rabid bengal tigers. One by one I dispatched the disturbed cats and their deranged riders. One I believe wound up in a tree. My hands and feet were blurs of death and destruction.

I had been turned into the perfect weapon. My pirate skills would allow me to travel the world with ease and my ninja skills would allow me to do it sneakishly, while annihalating any who crossed me.

Once I reached the harbor which my ship was docked at I rounded up my crew from the bars and whore houses and set sail for the next conquest.

And thusly I became a ninja pirate, and if you have a problem with that and still don't think one could be a ninja pirate then bring it beyotch. I will show you my Belt of Five Monkey Fists and before you can blink I will use each one's projecting middle digit to plug a different orifice on your body.

Bring it!*making come hither hand motion common in all kung fu movies*

Now I am spent, rehashing the past always does this to me. Peace to all my ninja brothers and pirate bastards.

The Bleeps and The Blurs

Renee and I agree that someday, somehow we HAVE to go see a live taping of the Maury Show. Watching it on TV at lunch is nice but we always miss out on the good stuff because of the bleeps and the blurs that censor all the bad words and hand gestures. We want to go on a day when there will be a myriad of topics; specifically we want Baby Mama Drama (DNA paternity tests), Liars and Cheaters (lie detector tests), and Secrets Revealed (where people bring these poor unsuspecting bastard on national TV to tell them a horrific secret). It would be amazing!

The interview on Thursday went well in my eyes. I think the interviewer really warmed up to me, now it's just the waiting game. I hate the waiting part. I think (feel, hope, pray, believe) I will get a call back to a second interview. From that point after I do the second interview it's just a matter of waiting for them to make a final decision. I would love this job, and it would help me to expand my clerical skills. I just hate the waiting, and knowing that when I get the next phone call it will be either "We'd like to have a second interview." or "Thanks but no thanks." It kills me. I will know by Friday, she said she plans to have a final decision for who she will hire by then, so if I hear nothing at all then I guess it's a definite no.... *sad face*

I still have other stuff out there and am whoring myself out with fervor. I think about every to every other day I am applying for at least one job. I also have my application in for a City job and a couple State ones. Speaking of I need to look at any County jobs that may be out there....

Ugh, thank god for coffee... You know that's what he made on the eighth day, 'cause his ass was probably tired... That and he needed something to cure his hangover from his "Day of Rest".... You know what I'm saying... You know you do.

Hasta la Pasta!

Crazy Is The Forecast All Week

Because of reasons beyond my control (which I hate things being beyond my control, but maybe this time it's a good thing) S had to tell J about the fact that I am looking and applying for another job, and the reason behind that. So, after he informed her, they both called in and we had a conference call between the three of us about "our options".... (if you could see me right now I'd be making a scowly face...) And it's pretty simple, my option is that I need to be making whole bunches more than what they can pay. They are trying to work out a way to pay me more in order to keep me, but at the same time the possibility of them paying me more to keep me is kind of a slap in the face. All of a sudden they "can" do it, but a month ago when we renegotiated my salary they could "only" pay me ten dollars a month more than a new hire?! You tell me what's wrong with that picture!

The reason he had to inform her of what's up with me is because I needed to tell him this morning that I have an interview tomorrow at 1pm, and I am so excited. While I have been looking at possible job opportunities I have also begun to think more heavily on exactly what I want to do with my career. I know that I would like to stay within the clerical realm (I want to save my art as more of a hobby), and I think that I want to either look into a human resources/personnel type career or something to do with being a child advocate/case worker/something like that. I realize going into that field there can be sad and scary situations that I would be faced with, but I'd like to believe the good would outweigh the bad.... It's a lot to think about, and I have some time to consider it.

It would be nice to get back into school, even if part time, but things need to stabilize first.

I wonder if it is too late to make cookies.... I am hardcore craving chocolate chip cookies and I have some dough in the fridge... But it's almost 8:30.... Maybe I will just have some toast with Nutella (since the whole peanut butter stuff has been going on we haven't really been eating peanut butter...) or something. Hmmm.

OH!!! I forgot to post about our uber awesome, absolutely amazing calendar for 2009! It's twelve fan-freakin-tastic months of Chuck Norris! It is HI-larious.

This is January:
"Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chain saw."

This is February:
"Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off."

I will try to remember to post the new picture at the beginning of each month.

Now, in the words of my father before me, "I am gonna make like a baby and head out."

Peace.

If I Wanted A Smart Ass Remark I'd Just Listen To The Voices In My Head

Saturday was my twenty-fourth birthday. Yay me! Collin got me this gorgeous little orchid plant. Th girls at work chipped in and bought lunch on Friday. Saturday I did nothing (for the most part), we just rented movies, got Chinese and drank. God I love vodka. I tried this "Holiday Edition" Pomegranate 7-up that we bought a couple weeks ago, and it was pretty good... It was even better with some Absolut Vodka. In fact, it was part of the reason I drank as much as I did... Sadly now we are out of the good vodka (the Absolut) and need to get more... Drinking may not be the healthiest thing when the world is crapping on your head, but a few cocktails on the weekend can help you forget the crap that is happening otherwise.... (Kind of alcoholic sounding, eh?) It's nothing that serious yet, but the booze helped to make Step Brothers funnier.

My sister called me on my birthday, as did my mom who kind of forgot it was actually my birthday but I told her it was okay. Subconsciously she knew and that's why she called me as soon as she got her new cell activated (at least that's what I told her so she wouldn't get to upset at herself. I know her memory isn't that great since her strokes, and I know she knows when my birthday is it's a matter of keeping track of the days as they pass.). My brother sent me birthday wishes on myspace, and my niece called me as well.

I just can't get over how fast she seems to have grown up, not that she is "grown up," but rather quickly reaching that point. She told me about this boy that she has been friends with for a few years, and how he is her valentine (**eyes boggling out of head** she's ONLY eleven!!) and how he brought her chocolates at school. She then told me how she pointed out to the boy that it wasn't Valentine's Day yet, and his response was, "I know, but I was too excited to wait until then." How freaking cute is that?!?!!? I have a present/project I am planning on for her, things just need to simmer down around here so that I can start working on it...

In other news, still no new amazing job... Or should it be amazing new job.... Hmm... Well I told two of my three bosses last week that I am looking for another job. The third one does not know, but will probably be informed here in the next two weeks. S(one of the owners) says that I can't leave and that they have to find a way to keep me. I explained, given the circumstances of my situation (which I won't be elaborating on here for a while, if you want to know you can message me on myspace...) that I have to look out for whats best for me and Collin, and that may mean me getting a much better paying job. And I am not gonna use my "leverage" to get them to pay me more, I know if they could technically afford it they would pay me better. And oh my god as I read what I have typed I realize it sounds like I am pregnant.... I am not, nor does the issue have anything to do with my marriage. Like I said if you want details look me up on myspace. Yea, the next month or two are gonna be hell, but I think I will be okay... One way or another, it will all be good.

I hope something comes my way soon, I am getting tired of feeling like a prostitute... Seriously, that's how job hunting makes me feel. You have to be all, "I am awesome, look at my assets, you know you want this...." And everytime I send out my resume or fill out an application I can't help but wonder, "Am I ever going to hear back about this?" And when and if they do call me will I even remember the effing position I applied for?

I really truly love pandora.com. If you are unfamiliar with pandora it is a free personalized online radio station website where you put in artists you like and they play songs by them as well as artists with similar sounds that they think you will like. I have actually found a couple new bands I like this way. I also love the way they explain "why" they chose to play that song for you. Like for Navy Taxi by Kate Nash, the reason why they played it (other than the fact I like the song) : Based on what you've told us so far, we're playing this track because it features mellow rock instrumentation, mild rhythmic syncopation, acoustic sonority, acoustic rhythm piano and minor key tonality. I personally have never read that much into why I listen to a song.... I think I have mentioned this in a blog before... But yeah, it's just awesome....

And I must be tired because I am starting to ramble... I am outtie like a fresh belly button.